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Newbie Intro
December 23, 2003
10:57 pm
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Chelle
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Hey everyone! I found this site quite by accident, and I'm glad I did. I just recently got out of a horrible relationship over the Thanksgiving holiday, and am trying to put the pieces of my life together for both myself and our two little ones.

Anyway, there's a bit of background on me. This site is incredible, and just wanted to give kudos to the webmasters.

Well met!

December 24, 2003
2:02 am
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free
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Welcome Chelle. What's goin on with you now?

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December 24, 2003
4:41 am
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mj
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Welcome Chelle.
Merry Christmas EVE 🙂

December 24, 2003
12:11 pm
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tooscared
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Welcome Chelle. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and enjoy your two little ones. There is nothing like seeing the wonder of things through the eyes of children. Please write whenever you feel the need and know that this site is full of very caring people.

December 28, 2003
9:42 pm
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Chelle
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Sorry it's taken me so long to respond, but I'm sure you can appreciate how busy the holidays are.

Thank you to those who replied, and as to what's going on with me now, I suppose I am becoming accustomed to just "being."

My husband left me for the girl I thought was my best friend, and I returned from Canada back to the States to start my life over. Since I've left, my ex swears that he misses me and wants to be a family again, and that he wants to move down here to be with us and prove himself to us once more... this said whilst he still maintains a relationship with my ex-best friend, so go figure.

On Christmas Day I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him, no contact, nothing... and that if he moved down here, we would see about talking then. I don't know. I'm confused. We've both been extremely co-dependent with one another, and I suppose stopping the contact with him is like trying to quit smoking... you take it one day at a time.

I know others would say that I should just drop him and leave him where he is and start over without him, but I find it's difficult to do that to someone you love so much and with whom you have children, no matter how much they've hurt you. Or maybe it's just me. I don't know. Either way, I've met the past few days with only a few tears, and am finding it easier day by day despite when he tries to call against my wishes.

This morning I told him that others may find his persistence endearing, but that I saw it as controlling and disrespectful of my wishes. He said that he would adhere to my wishes, because the last thing he wanted to do was control me.

As I said, I have no idea how things will turn out, and I suppose I'm trying my best not to think about it too much and enjoy the little things around me... literally.:-)

December 28, 2003
9:46 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi Chelle,

I don't know - to me sounds like you have a really strong handle on the situation as well as a very clear view of what he is about.

Good Luck,

Zinnie

December 29, 2003
1:14 am
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gingerleigh
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Hey Chelle, you do sound like a smart cookie. One day at a time, that is probably the best motto ever coined.

How was your Christmas? Did you get to spend it with family or friends?

December 29, 2003
2:16 pm
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Hi Chelle

You are one strong woman! My heart goes out to you- what has happened is such a horrible betrayal. I know it's hard Chelle. You are so very right in saying day by day.

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December 29, 2003
10:14 pm
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Chelle
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My Christmas was wonderful, thank you. I spent it with family.

As for them being trash and deserving hell, I agree and disagree in the same breath. My hurt and anger wishes a pox upon them, but my objectivity understands that there was nothing I could do to change the situation because I can't control anyone but myself.

I guess it really hurts because I do love him so much. He was the first best friend I had ever had, and I feel like I've just suffered a double blow. As for her, again, I don't ever want to speak or see her ever again, especially since she's after my kids... but I can understand why she did what she did because she's been hurt so much in the past.

I'm having a hard time grappling with the concept that he and I are no longer together, that I have to say goodbye and mean it until or if he comes down here, that he's with someone else and that I have no choice or no control over this situation whatsoever except for what my reactions are. I feel like my future was decided for me while I wasn't looking, and that I am being forced down this road of singlehood without my permission. It's beyond painful. And I know I can't stop thinking about them and move on with my life until I reach some closure, but I don't really know how to reach that closure because they both are so present in my thoughts. I know time is supposed to heal all wounds, but I don't know if I can handle the time. I can put on a strong front, smile, and even laugh, but nothing seems to change on the inside.

I don't know why I'm trying to hold on to him so tightly, when by all rights and reason I should just tell him to get bent. I'm not afraid of being alone. I know I'm perfectly capable of handling myself and my boys, and raising them on my own. I just don't want to let go... He was my first love. I don't know.

December 30, 2003
12:03 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Welcome Chelle, What a horrible betrayal for you to have to go through. You sound strong to me. What you will have to go through in letting him go will be painful, as it would be for anyone. I understand you not wanting to let go; that is a hard thing to do, especially since he was your first love. You said she was after your kids. I'm sure she wants to make them like her because it will make things so much easier for her. I suppose one day at a time would be the only way I could get through a situation like this. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You'll find a lot of great people here to talk to which will help a great deal. At least posting here has always been a help to me. May God bless you and your children... W

December 30, 2003
10:29 pm
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Chelle
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Thank you W. What I meant by "she is after my kids" is that she herself cannot have children, and my ex is the first boyfriend she's ever had that has an instant family. She had had several dreams that she told me about wherein she grappled with the concept that my kids were hers... to the point that her friends would wake her up because she was screaming at someone vehemently that my child was hers. It's eerie... a kind of "Hand that Rocks the Cradle" type of thing, and it makes me extremely nervous that my ex is cohorting with her, much less trying to pursue a relationship with her. Actually... I don't really think he knows what he wants either. It's strange, it's hurtful, and it's scary. I'm just glad that I'm not anywhere that they can effect me, and that I won't have to deal with it until I have no choice. But is that healthy either?

December 31, 2003
2:24 am
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Chelle
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Blah... I just found out that he's already sleeping with her. I don't know why I even tried to keep a hope that he would ever fight to keep me in his life and actually be faithful to me. You're right, Lisset. They are trash and deserve hell.

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