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New Year Confusions?
January 2, 2006
6:52 am
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blyxx
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sorta like a new years resolution, but a bit less definite.

well, here is my current situation. i am thinking of moving from southern california to northern california or to washington within the year, but am having many second thoughts about doing so. i have never been out on my own, i am 19 and just graduated highschool in june. i have a job that could transfer to another location in both areas i would want to move to, but i'm still not sure about doing so. i would be going to college there and most likely staying in a dorm or on/off campus apartment.

i know it's normal to feel worried about meeting new friends, being nervous about moving, not being accepted, etc..

i have had some ambitions in what i wanted to do with my schooling.. becoming either a professor/teacher or a psychologist, however the more and more i look into either field the less i want to have to do with either. so now that those two little ideas are sortof out the window, i'm totally confused as to what to do when i do move, that is, IF i move at all.

i do need to get out of this god forsaken town i live in now, but i'm so scared to because all of the people i knew here that are in college hate their lives now, they say they are miserable. just what i want to happen when i move out a few thousand miles from home.

i would appreciate getting some sort of advice or guidance, maybe someone just to talk to. i feel like i have completely lost my social life. i used to bring life to the groups i hung out with, but now i am the one searching for parties, for people to hang out with. it is so confusing. please help. and to think.. all of this for my new year. yay.

January 2, 2006
10:18 am
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mamacinnamon
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Hi Blyxx:

Well, first off, I never went away to school so I cannot say I know fully the anxiety of that.

My daughter, just graduated from college, has thru the years said to me that she hates school, she doesn't have a boyfriend coz she's to busy, all her friends have babies now, etc.... My words to her were, and to you are...

Where will you be 10 years from now? Will you be set w/ a college education to where you can support yourself? or will you be one of the girls that chose to get married and have babies (or not married)? What type job will you have in 10 years if you are all of a sudden the only one you can fall back on?

My daughter just graduated cocllege and is in the middle of her CPA exams, but now that the long haul is over she says it was all worth it. She gets an $15,000 job rate increase and stays at the job she likes. She and her best bud in school, a guy "T", are looking at getting married. I'm not happy about a possible move to Denver coz it's so far from mama, but if that is her decision that is great as long as she doesn't forget where mama lives.

So, honey... what do ya think?

January 2, 2006
11:05 am
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I think that many kids have anxiety about going away to college.

And because I recognized that alot of my classmates went far away to school as a freshman, only to return to a local college as a sophmore, I decided to stay local and not go thru the anxiety.

But - in hindsight - I sold myself short. I could have EASILY transitioned into a new college. You see, those kids were the "spoiled" ones - the ones that had mommy and daddy do and provide everything for them. And yet, there's me, who was very self sufficient and didn't need mommy and daddy for anything. I would have been FINE and probably would have gone farther in life than I did. I ended up dropping out after my first year because I was bored. And I was bored cuz I went to a community college and the education wasn't challenging enough - and there was no programs for me to advance thru classes that I already knew....I simply had to take them over again.

Instead of going so far away - is there a closer college that you can earn an associates degree in, then transfer farther away after you are more comfortable in the college life atmosphere?...I think that would be the compromise....just make sure whatever college and courses you choose, the credits are transferable.

I would urge you NOT to give up your aspirations - and even if you don't know what you want - you can still get an associates in Liberal arts - which will keep you busy for two years - and you can take some "side" courses in other stuff to explore your options for a career.

I wanted to be an accountant - then I changed my mind. On some levels, I wish I had pursued it - because in the end, I would have been alot better off than what I do today.

January 2, 2006
2:03 pm
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blyxx
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hey thanks for the responses.

i am currently enrolled in the community college classes offered in my town. they work, but i am one of those AP Calculus, AP Physics, AP English, Honors, etc.. type of guys. I should've gone to a 4 year university without hesitation, but no. I was scared so I procrastinated and now I'm worried about it again. Worried about finding a job and making a living.

I feel like I always have to compete with my sister. She is just 4 years older than me, 23, and has a kid, works full time and wasn't the smartest kids in her class, in fact she nearly flunked all of her classes, she never went to college and is in a job where she gets a 15K bonus at the end of each year. I have to compete with that. She is single, no higher education and has a well-paying job. I am single, an honors student, enrolled in college and there are no highend job offers available to me.

I want to get out of the hustle of southern california and away from the people i grew up with my entire life, the shady business owners, shallow individuals, etc..

I'm worried about my future and turning out like my father. Alcoholic, college dropout, was addicted to cigarettes until the doctors told him it would kill him. He's the classic racist, alcoholic. I know i won't look like him when i'm older because i don't touch alcohol or smoke, but i'm worried about dropping out of college and making a shitty living like he decided to do.

Everyone tells me I need to test the waters and see what majors I'm interested in, find out if I like it or not, etc.. I want to, but I also don't want to waste the time getting school for something like biotechnology when i'll end up studying corporate economics. Ya know?

I am interested in attending the University in Monterey, CA. It is my best choice so far and I love the area. I'm worried about the majors they offer though, because they are a new school and don't offer all that much of a variety like say San Luis Obispo.

I would love to hear more input on this, I do believe it is helping figure it out a bit.

January 2, 2006
8:14 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Blyxx:

Been gone most of the day, but home now.

I went to college. I was offered a job taht paid higher than what I could have gotten thru my degree. So I quit school, well I actually graducated, just not w/ the degree I had gone for. I accepted a lower degree. I years later, like 15 years later went back to college and did not finish because I had a really rough pregnancy, but I do regret not goin back.

My daughter that just got out of college, about a year ago she had a tissy fit coz her younger brother that barely made it thru high school landed a job that paid only $2 less than what she was makin then. She cried it wasn't fair, he barely graduated from high school, he;s a drug user, he's a lazy person, on and on, and yes, she was right. I told her to be patient and when she was out of school she'd see and she did. Now she makes a whole lot more than he does. And he lost that job due to his drug use.

I was a single mom, 2 kids, full time job, ran 2 laundromats, went to college..... let me tell ya, it is not easy. You sis probably wishes she could switch places w/ you. Besides that honey, you and your sis are two separate folks w/ two separate lives. There is nothing to compete w/. You have your roe to hoe and she has hers, and sometimes you'll do well and sometimes she'll do well, and sometimes she won't and sometimes you won't. It's best to lean on each other and be there for each other. Who thinks you have to compete? If it's your thought then look back at why and know that you are not to be anybody but the person God made you to be; special and unique, and not competing necessary.

January 2, 2006
8:22 pm
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First of all - don't compete with your sister.

My brother was a first rate LOSER when he went to school - alcholic ending up in rehab right before graduation - suspended and detensions thru summer school - 14 FELONIES on his record because of his extra curricular activities as a young man. And as of today - he JUST opened a electrical contracting business and six months later has three employees, is booked and turning down work, has an 06 corvette and two brand new work vans. NOT FAIR I SAY!!!!!!! and me, the one that went to college works for HIM.

Dont' compare.

She may have just gotten lucky. My mom dropped out of high school - and she makes more than my dad who has worked the same job for 40 years - and the perks and benefits at her job is phenomenal - but she just got LUCKY.

Not everyone gets lucky.

Go to school - try it out - you can always change schools after a year or even a semester. It can't hurt.

And I understand about being AP everything and going to community college - that was my same problem - I was bored cuz I had to retake all the "lower" classes cuz they didn't recognize my AP status. I settled for less - and underestimated my abilities and KICK MYSELF for it...don't do the same.

January 2, 2006
9:39 pm
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blyxx
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i feel i have to compete.. not to beat her, but to win something from my parents. they are always talking about how well she's doing and how i'm the 'disappointment to the entire family.' my grandma even called to tell me this. yay. so i feel i need to compete.

i've had jobs that should've paid well. promised $15/hour, worked there for 2 months. finally got my pay. i worked 40+ hours a week, supposedly at $15.. turned out into more like $1-2/hour. I got a little over $500 for the two months. I quit after I got the check, the guy said I was never there for the work. Ok, I guess I just spent my at least 40 hours a week sitting in the shop, hiding. Give me a break.

So, that would've been nice, a few thousand dollars. Didn't happen. My other job before that was paying me $9/hour, but when it came down to the hours, it just didn't have any. Maybe 5-10 a week.

I now work at Starbucks and am paid $7/hour. The pay may not be great, but it offers hours. 20-40/week. Better than the other two combined. I am a part-time student at our local community college and all of my professors are blown away with my work, but that is because they are not used to having AP/Honors students. I even had the director of the college call me to tell me that I shouldn't be in community college. I know I shouldn't, but I don't want to leave my home and then not be able to make it. That scares me beyond belief.

I mean, I'm worried about finding a place to stay with a nice landlord and being able to pay him, my car, my insurance, my phone and plus the cost of living.. I just don't think I'll be able to do that going to college full-time. It would be next to impossible to be able to have a job that pays well enough to meet those demands. I would need a dorm and a free cafeteria with all the extras.

It's like, when I'm at home. I have all the luxuries I want. A stove to cook with, a fridge with all the food, the toilet paper, etc.. I'm terrified of going to a new place and not being able to do it.

I guess I'm not afraid of moving to a new place, I'm worried about the financials of being in a new place.

January 2, 2006
10:14 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Blyxx:

I think it totally unfair of your parents to compare. It's unfair for anyone to compare. Have you told them this is unfair to you and it hurts your feelings? Where does you sister stand on this? Does she support you or is she like your folks?

Honestly, honey, you do what makes YOU happy. Nobody else. Just you. I could have made $15 an hour at my job, but I took the same job at $10 coz I could bring my kids, come and go w/n reason, and take work home. The perks way outweighed the dollars.

Around colleges if you are not staying in the dorm, there are usually houses that students share... You get a bedroom and share the rest of the house. That would cut down on the expenses tremendously. Also, alot of colleges have work programs that if you work on campus at a job there then they pay for one of your classes, or take of X amount of dollars for you meal tickets or dorm room. Go ahead and check into all this. Unless you inquire you won't know.

Yes, the world is a big scarry place, but if we didn't venture out then we'd all be stuck in the same ol towns with the same ol jobs and the same ol Sunday dinner at mom's. Not a bad existence I will say, but if you want to soar then take the step over the side. As Ali said... you can always come back home if you are unhappy there.

Just one personal word of advice tho... IF you go to the college stay away from the party crowd. It's easy to fall into and you need to focus on your studies. Oh, I also believe if you ask your advisor at the college, but they should have a test you can take that tells what type jobs you would be best at. Check it out.

January 2, 2006
10:22 pm
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I think you NEED to talk to a financial advisor at a major college.

Dorm costs can be put in part of the tuition cost, so you can get student loans for it and if you do well enough, you can get scholarships.

And also, ALOT of places rent rooms to college kids or efficiencies.

And work around college is usually more plentiful...as you can get work on campus too.

Don't give up, there is a way.

January 2, 2006
11:30 pm
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blyxx
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haha, mama c, ya i have taken one of those tests before. it told me my top 15 jobs or something. most of which were some sort of scientist or researcher. i got a kick out of it. fun times fun times.

i'm going to be looking into the college more soon once i get money and everything taken care of i am planning on taking a trip up to the actual college and taking a tour with one of my friends in the area.

it may not be fair for them to compare, but ya, it happens. i've always had financial problems and my sister never really has. i help my parents with how to pay things and how to invest and everything, but i just never am able to make money. my sister always just gets so much from everyone. she gets new tv's from my grandmas, a few thousand dollars that my grandma 'lent' her for her down payment on her car, but then my grandma said to not worry about paying her back. i think that grandma gave me a tennis racket once. i'm just sitting here saying, "Wow. shitty." i've told my parents about how it makes me feel, and it usually just leads to more of me being insignificant, etc.. i usually end up just walking out of the house during those times.

when i'm up at the college, well, actually when i'm almost ready to go up there i am going to prepare a list of things i need to check into and ask.

January 2, 2006
11:40 pm
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mamacinnamon
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I have a budget that I run for our household each year. Most expenses probably won't count, but take what you can use and leave the rest. Maybe this will help you with figuring what you will need, etc. I hope it comes out formatted ok. This program is much different than what I run.

BUDGET - MONTHLY

INCOME:

Company $ ______.__
[email protected] __ hrs. weekly - Less 20%

TOTAL MONTHLY INCOME . . . . . . . . . . . . . $ ______.__

EXPENSES:

Bank Payment $

Safe Deposit Box

Water

Electric:

Gas:

Telephone:
Service
Long Distance
Cell Phone
Trash

Internet Service

Church: Tithe

College tuition

Groceries:

Fuel for Cars:

Charge Cards:

Pet Care

Doctors: Unscheduled

Prescriptions:

Checks:

Stamps:

Miscellaneous:

Insurance: Life
Auto

Property Taxes: Vehicles
Real Estate

Estimated Taxes: Federal and State

Licenses & Tags: car & truck

Birthdays & Christmas: $____.__

TOTAL EXPENSES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$

TOTAL MONTHLY INCOME . . . . . . . . $ .00

Less - TOTAL MONTHLY EXPENSES . . . - .00

$ .00

These are done by monthly figures so if you figure your insurance on 6 months put that price by the item, but divide it out to monthly for the working column. Birthdays can be yearly and then divided out for the working column.

Hope this is of some help to you.

January 2, 2006
11:44 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Blyxx:

My mom plays favs w/ me and my sister. She has a great job and only works 2 days a week and has twin boys age 6 that I have most the time, but they are always giving her money and nothin comes this way. It stinks big time. I know the feelin. I'm the one that has always stayed close by to care for them and never asked for anything and when I did ahve to borrow I paid them back in full.

Sometimes we just have to accept that life is unfair and that's just the way it is. Use it to help you strive to be the best you can be for yourself, not for them. The facts usually come out in the end.

You hold your head high and go on w/ your future in your way. You be happy and fulfilled w/ your life. Leave all the crap to the rest of them.

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