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New to this realization
November 5, 2006
12:43 am
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SunshineBear
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September 27, 2010
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I am codependent.

That is hard to say. I never realized it or the depth of what it was until I started reading Codependent No More, at the suggestion of my marriage counselor.

As I read, I got angry as I saw myself in the descriptions. I got angry at my father for the family life he created as an angry alcoholic-type.

Then I've been listening to the book on CD because I can do that while I'm driving. I started crying as she listed all the characteristics, seeing myself again and again. It was a relief to have a reason for my seemingly unexplainable behaviors-- they're all part of this bigger picture called codependency that I never knew about.

But then I got overwhelmed, with how in the world do I change and overcome these behaviors? I feel like so much else is going on in my life right now, which is why I am in counseling. But this is coming out as a result, so I guess I must be thankful. This summer, my husband of nearly 10 years admitted he'd had a series of affairs over the past year with women 10 years (or more) younger than himself (we are the same age). What a shocker for me; I truly had no idea. I was just busy taking care of our two young children, trusting him when he told me where he was and what he was doing. I was frustrated that he was always out with his new friends, but I didn't want to tell him to stay home. When I did that we'd fight. If I knew then what I know now...

It's good to have a place to post this, to talk to others who understand codependency.

Regarding my marriage, my husband and I are working through this crisis, as he has fully repented and seeing a counselor with me. I see a lot of caretaking in our interactions, a lot of reacting in my life-- with him, with the kids, with others. I am clinging to my God to help me through this. And I am glad to have found you all. Thank you for reading.

November 5, 2006
12:47 am
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Randomwomen2
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Welcome sweetheart I dont think I have seen a post from you. I am glad to see that your in counseling and that your husband is willing to go also. I hope by your new realization you can seek help to change that behavior and have a much happier life. I also hope that your husband is taking all of this sereously. Please keep posting here. We care.

November 5, 2006
5:41 am
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BelieveLove
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The first step you already did - you realized that you are codependent.

There are persons who dont know this during many years of their lifes - i stayed without knowing that i was codependent for 14 years, until i had a very unpleasant experience with a boyfriend.

So, now the process of recovery is slow but is the only way to go.

The pain sometimes seems overwhelming but we must live it, before we can move to our future.

God bless you

November 6, 2006
10:10 pm
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SunshineBear
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Thank you for your kind words and support. And, Yes, I am new to this board.

November 6, 2006
10:27 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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u are definitely not alone. I duscovered I wa co d. a few years ago but didn't take it seriously until of late. after a ba experience with someone. I don't know what to do or how to get better. I just pray a lot. I hate it though. I'm sick of being unhappy. hope we all can get better.

November 7, 2006
9:10 am
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lovingmom
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SunshineBear - I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. There are a lot of people here who are very knowledgable and helpful. Glad you're in counseling and from what I've heard, the book you're reading is AMAZING. I haven't read it yet, but plan to do so soon. I hope you keep coming here and get the support you need.

It is quite overwhelming to realize that codependency has been a part of who you are. I started counseling on my own after my husband refused to go with me. I just felt like something was wrong, something was off, like I was in a whirlwind of emotions and I couldn't think straight. My codependency has made me stay in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship for over 12 years and now I have to work to change me because my husband likes things just the way they are.

So, keep working on you. You have made huge steps by realizing your situation, by coming here, by reading the book. Hope to talk to you again.

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