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new to this, but need help
August 18, 2001
5:09 pm
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TC
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September 27, 2010
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Welp, here's goes. I've never done anything like this before, but I don't know what else to do. I'm married to a guy (2yrs.) I dated for 7 1/2 years prior. I do love him. He was married for 5 yrs with 2 kids from that marriage. He is 8 yrs older than me. He and his ex get along well. I haven't cheated on my husband since we've been maried, but did all though our relationship. (He only found out about one of them.) I'm getting those feelings again, and have talked to some guys, but nothing else yet. My husband worships me. He loves everything about me, is not abusive in any way, gives me everything I want, has a very good job. Why do I want more? I know I could never get anything like that from anyone I chase. Oh, and when after I talk to one of these guys and they say they'll call and don't, or I find out they have a date, I get mad. Like I have some kind of right. What is my problem?! It's like them wanting me makes me feel good about myself. My husband should be enough right? Does anyone else suffer from this, or am I the only crazy person in the world? Any advice?

August 19, 2001
3:12 am
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malaikau
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September 24, 2010
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Hi there TC,

I, for one, don't think that you are crazy, and you seem to have a good idea of what you are doing and why. I say this because of the comment "It's like wanting them makes me feel good about myself." Do you think there is a possibility that the men wanting you makes you feel good about yourself? If so, then your actions might just be an attempt at increasing your self-esteem. The catch is, that what you are doing leaves you with remorse and guilt, and these emotions may certainly have a negative impact on your self-esteem.

I wonder what would happen if you began to do things that show love for yourself, and do not carry the side-effects of remorse, guilt, or other feelings that might subtract from your self-esteem? If you could find some positive things to do that you feel passionate about--art work, music, massage therapy, walking, hiking, journaling, etc.--you might discover some new things about yourself that you can appreciate. Then you can feel good about yourself without hurting the people you love, including yourself.

I hope this makes sense. . .

Respectfully,
Mal

August 20, 2001
10:29 am
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jadadavinci
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September 27, 2010
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TC,

Mal,s right TC. It probably is a self-esteem issue. Atleast you are smart enough and respect yourself enough to know that you want more for yourself, then what your feelings are calling to. You are very intelligent, not only for recognizing that, but for admitting it as well as wanting a better outlet for your pain and feelings of loneliness maybe. Hope you take care of yourself. Write anytime you'd like to my email address: [email protected],hotmail.com,yahoo.com, or icq.com; whichever is easiest for you.

Dee 🙂

Mal,

You are very kind for helping her out. Sounds like you are very grounded in yourself, and have come a long way yourself. You are very knowledgable. It's nice to see others help others in need out. Thanks. You have helped me by helping her. 🙂

Dee 🙂

August 20, 2001
5:02 pm
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san
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September 29, 2010
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I too am new to this. I know I need

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