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new to codependency...
August 1, 2004
2:38 am
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bugaboo
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September 27, 2010
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hi, i'm new to the website. my doctor wants me to go to treatment for codep but i can't afford it. i'm seeing a counselor, on medication for depression and can't seem to get motivated to do anything. three weeks ago i was suicidal...don't i sound fun? i'm married for 23 years and all i do is dream about being on my own. how do you get the courage to make a move and how do you know if it's right? i hate the thought of hurting anyone... i feel so sad tonight, can't sleep, (rarely do) and i'm trying to type quietly so my husband won't wake up! LOL

August 1, 2004
9:43 am
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blueeyes1009
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September 29, 2010
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Dear Bubaboo:

4 years ago I felt exactly the way you do now. I was in a 26 year marriage and not happy and not willing to do anything about because of my co-dependency. Then my ex decided to have an affair with his secretary and HE left. IT was much harder than if I had left him. All of my codepent issues reared their ugly heads and I was alone and scared and suicidal and didn't know what to do. I struggled, I floundered, and then slowly but surely I started to come out of the fog. The problem is I so didn't want to be alone that I ignored red flags in a relationship, even after being alone for3 years), got engaged, bought a house, and now have sold the house and am moving 2 hours away and starting all over being alone AGAIN.

My advice to you is get out, for your own sake and take your time before into any other relationships
Go with your gut feelings no matter what. Mine are usually right. I feel for you because I was there, right where you are and didn't know what to do. Take baby steps if you have to. Find out why you are depressed. IT will take some work but will be so worth it.

Blueeyes

August 1, 2004
10:31 am
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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check out the website

http://www.coda.org

there are FREE coda local meetings, and they are great!!!! also reading coda books helps and doing one thing daily for YOU!!!!

August 1, 2004
11:40 am
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1feistylady
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2 books by meloday beattie that have been my bibles thru 2 of these "destined to fail" relationships are "Language of Letting Go" - daily meditations, and "CoDependent No More", I have had the same 2 books since 1985, when I went to my first coda meeting and my life took the first turn towards the good life for me. Am now in my 4th year of a successful relationship with a loving man and it is wonderful. It has taken a lot of work and heartache, but oh so worth it!! I still go back to the books and the meetings as needed, because I will always be codependent (no worries - we all have to have something), and it creeps up in many places, career, raising the children, family. I don't like to re-learn the lessons, I have already learned, lol.

August 1, 2004
11:41 am
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bugaboo
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September 27, 2010
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blueeyes and camer, thanks so much for your responses. i know this is going to take time but i am so scared. all of the what ifs stay on my mind and taking that step toward a new life is frightening. i've taken the steps as far as going to my first CoDA meeting, camer, and i've read Codependent No More. i've also just purchased the 12 step book for codependents and am just getting started on it. i couldn't believe how cod no more was a mirror image of my life. i didn't realize that i really DON'T have fun anymore and that my life is pretty much lived at home and i rarely if ever get together with anyone. even if i do get asked to meet w/friends, i always come up with some excuse as to why i shouldn' t go. i am going to do something for myself today, i'm going for a hike in the mtns!
blueeyes, i hope things go well for you. i appreciate all the advice.
thanks so much.

August 1, 2004
11:45 am
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bugaboo
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fiestylady, i bought the language of letting go at my first CoDA meeting. you're right, it is so helpful. i loaned cod no more to our almost 21 yr old daughter to read. fortunately she's much smarter than i am as far as relationships go and in life in general but i know that her growing up with my crazy relationship with her dad has affected her. i asked her to read it and consider who i am and to look at herself as she reads it.
i'm so thankful to have found this website. thank you.

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