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new starts not so great
July 27, 2001
6:10 am
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cheer up it might never happen
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i am writing this thread as i have recently bought a house with my fiance i am excited and hope things will change in my life or should i say get more of a life back but i am petrified that after a while things won't change and ill find out that the problem is me. i am a confident funny person who always helps others out when in need but ignore my own probs thats what caused me to attempt suicide i have not had time to deal with what happened as right after it the day i was let out of hospital i moved out my house away from my family as i thought they were the problem. my mum is an alcoholic my dad wants to be one as well but his body won't let him drink so much any more which is a blessing in disguise. i left home thinkin it was there problems that drove me to do that, i felt like i was the parent and they were the children, anyways i left home and things have got better in a way as in i don't need to come in to a house of anger,chaos, filth and horrible atmosphere but since that i have still been depressed and down even thought i am trying to get on with my life. im scared its something deep down in myself thats causing me this constant pain, can any offer advice as to what to think or do ? and how to i come to terms with my attemted suicide ?

please i need advice

July 27, 2001
1:12 pm
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Molly
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there are so many of us that had child hoods like yours, that we simply must put it behind us. It does make growing up rough, but like you said your out of there, recognize what you survived, and now it is time to learn different. There is a good book, called Toxic Parents, that might help, but you don't have to deal with them any more, and in a loving way, try to remember that they were human. Re the sucide, well sometimes things seem so bad we don't see anyother choice, and you acted out in that direction, and for what ever reason, thank goodness, it was not your time. So, I would leave it lightly and try to find some humor in the fact that it was the worst bad day you ever had, and you have no where to go but up. counseling could be good for you a face to face person to help you sort the feelings that are confusing you. don't get caught up in the past, but take controll of your future, draw a picture of your life, the way you want it to be, and out line what you need to do to create it. Dream on paper with steps to make it happen, eat right, exercise, and do things, take a class, but keep busy and focus on the future.

July 27, 2001
2:23 pm
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Cici
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Most of the time I feel in terms of my depression and suicide attempt that it was a completely different person. In a way, it is. We all have a multitude of different personalities inside of us, including that ugly one in the closet left over from your childhood.

Clean the closet out. It's so easy to say but probably THE most difficult thing to do, as Molly said.

Moving on is just something we have to learn. You feel like you should just know, but that's kind of wishful thinking.

Everyone has been traumatized in one way or another. For some of us, we were taken to the extreme side, but suffering makes the soul. Without suffering, we lack depth, and true empathy, and that inner core of strength. To know that you have been at rock bottom but somehow managed to claw your way to at least some semblance of satisfaction is amazing indeed.

July 30, 2001
6:46 am
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cheer up it might never happen
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thanks very much for your replys ! it really does mean a lot to me, i need to know there are people out there who know what im going through, i need to clean out my closet but its easier said than done and im scared in the process of this it will bring back horrible memories i have buried so far down i don't want to deal with !
but i'll try, im just scared that i get that depressed again i can't see a way out except the worst, suicide, i can't imagine what it would be like to be dead but i know i wouldn't have to deal with my parents and maybe others would be happier that they wouldn't have to deal with me and my mood swings and petty behaviour, im mixed up, i know for now i will never try that again but in a twisted way it felt good cause i had peoples attention for a whole night then everything went back to normal (everyones except my mums) just now i am on a diet and am imagining what colour im going to do my bedroom and kitchen which i suppose is lookin to the future which can't be to bad ! anyways life goes on here is a wee poem/story i wrote i hope it is some good to anyone !

do you ever feel liking crying out help me someone
when people turn there backs on you cause you are to much trouble for them
they can't be bothered to listen
make you feel better
everyone has problems
its just some have blinkers on
and deal with it by walking by it

everyone needs someone
everyone needs to know themselves
not get themselves lost in the forest that is themselves

when you cry yourself to sleep does anyone hear you ?
why have you not got someone to turn round and take you in there arms and say you'll be ok
some have some haven't
some have but not enough
some have none at all, no-one
loneliness is a horrible thing but can also be a saviour
to sort things out

everyone has someone

yourself

take care of that someone cause who else will

July 30, 2001
12:53 pm
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Molly
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Thats good, we all have felt that way, and the truth is , if we feed that feeling it grows, if we ignore it, and get busy it passes, might come back again, but we remember that it just passes. Straight ahead, I don't find to much value any more in labeling and addressing the past, why rehash old wounds, you have the knowledge of where you don't want to go, or even have to go, just move foreward.

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