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New relationship, here I go again.
March 23, 2006
10:40 am
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pugs01
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Well gave up on the chance of reconcilliation with the wife. especially since I saw her out with another guy that she said was just a friend and a nice guy and that she did NOTHING WRONG. So I met this girl that is very nice and weve been going out and Im starting to really like her, and her ADD. anyone with suggestions? I'm trying to take this one slow but we just have really clicked. Questions comments anyone?

March 23, 2006
1:07 pm
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ross
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Just be careful, and like you said take it slow!. You may be on the rebound. I've been there its no fun, you'll wake one day and wonder how in the world did I get here. be careful, and have fun.

March 23, 2006
1:14 pm
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gingerleigh
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Are you divorced yet?

March 23, 2006
1:35 pm
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kathygy
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pugs,

What is the status with your wife? Just because you saw her with another man is not reason enough to walk a way. It sounds like you are using that to justify seeing this other woman while you are still married.

Have you talked honestly with your wife about your marriage?

Bringing in a third party can be very distracting from dealing with your marriage and confusing your feelings about your marriage.

Right now you are very vulnerable and seeing this other woman may just be based on being on the rebound.

I think you need to get cyrstal clear with your wife what you both want to happen with your marriage before you get involved woth someone else.

March 23, 2006
2:23 pm
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pugs01
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It not the only mand I have seen her with and I have really hard time believing her. She has informed me on no uncertain terms that the marriage is over and she will be filing for divorce soon.

March 23, 2006
2:36 pm
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taj64
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If she is planning to get divorced you can see whoever you want and she can see who she wants. It hurts though doesn't it? It takes awhile to get used to the idea. But is it really good idea to see someone when you are not completely healed from the relationship? It is not fair to the women you are seeing if she is seeking a relatinship. you could end up hurting her. You could end up hurt too. Resolving ones feelings first and then start dating is better idea. I have seen it many times, going out with men who just get divorced. It send big red flags to the women you date.

March 23, 2006
2:40 pm
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nappy
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I'm with Ross, please take it slow and easy. Try being her friend first before you start saying to yourself that you have feeling for this person.
Because one day when you really get yourself together, you might have difference feeling for this person and she might not understand.
It like a game, when one person hurt they might not really know it but they will hurt the next. Get over your wife first, take care of yourself, get a chance to really know what you want out of life and then one day you might come up on the woman of your dreams and then you will know how to go about it.
Take care

March 23, 2006
2:48 pm
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pugs01
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I've told this woman just about everything about my past and the current situation, were just friends. But we do have alot in common, I'll go slow and yes I will be careful, i've seen rebounds before and wouldn't want that for anyone.

March 23, 2006
2:59 pm
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islandwmn
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Pugs, I've been in your situation. However, by the time we separated my feelings were long gone. I started dating six months after he moved out but we were living together in the same house for six months but living separate lives. I had no feelings for him and by the time he left I was ready for him to go. I would advise you to evaluate your feelings for your wife first before dating. If you know that there's nothing left then I guess that's fine. If you still have feelings for her, I would advise dealing with those emotions first.

March 23, 2006
3:06 pm
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gingerleigh
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I get the big eyeroll every time I suggest this, but I've found that it's much less complicated to put off dating until the divorce is final. Not filed. Final.

I didn't say it was easy... just less complicated. When you start dating before ties are cut, it's not just you and your wife that are involved... you end up dragging a third party into your drama, and that's an awful lot to ask of someone that you barely know.

March 23, 2006
3:11 pm
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islandwmn
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Ginger, I don't necessarily agree with waiting until it is final because some people take a long time before filing. In the state where I lived they make you wait a year unless there is proven abuse or adultery. A lot of times it's over long before the divorce like in my case but it was just a matter of paperwork. I think he needs to evaluate his true feelings first. Some people use dating to get over the other person or to fill a void and I think this is where it's not good.

March 23, 2006
3:29 pm
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pugs01
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I dont know if waiting would really solve anything and It wouldn't matter if I had feelings for the soon to be ex anyway. When she is done she is done and eventhough I dont want a serious relationship I still have to want to see how things are in the real world. She (ex) told me that basically the fault of the relationship was my fault and she would not done the things she did if it wasn't for me. sorry in my opinion it takes two. She's told me theres no love left no feelings, nothing. So off I go to see the world I guess.

March 25, 2006
11:53 am
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pugs01
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I should have dated this woman months ago,

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