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New, not sure how to start...
March 9, 2008
9:59 pm
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Anonymous
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Hello everyone.
I've done alot of research and found this place. I'm not even sure if I am posting correctly. I thought I would give it a shot.

March 9, 2008
10:42 pm
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Anonymous
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You are posting just fine.

DO you feel like talking about what brought you to this site??

We are all pretty open and willing to listen.

There are a lot of friendly, and intelligent people on this site. I believe that you will find support and encouragement here.

Welcome, and I hope you keep posting.

March 10, 2008
1:46 am
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Randomwomen2
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Welcome sweetheart

March 10, 2008
3:21 am
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Anonymous
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Thanks for the welcomes.
I was browsing a book on co-dependency years back. The person the book belonged to suggested I take it. It was in regards to children of alcholics. I thought that was weird and did not pertain to me, my folks never drank. I started to read it and it sounded alot like me...that was years ago. I was then and still am full time caregiver to my 92 year old Grandmother, was not raised in the best environment, and went on to have not one, but 2 failed marriages. The second , I literally, thought for the man. Drugs...no need to say anymore there. I've done some more reading and realize that I am the poster child for codep, and have 3 major reasons on why I came to be this way. Added to all that, I help the rest of my family out with an array of things. I am the goto person for EVERYTHING. I realize I have this, have to change my ways, and need to move on. I am trying to find the right balance. I backed off and took some time for myself and now am being told, I am not there for some family members. This is a very unhealthy relationship I have going with myself lol. This is some of my story, and my first step in healing me instead of others for a change....
Thanks for reading..
Ack! < ~~~ that is the way I feel..hence the name

March 10, 2008
4:08 am
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Anonymous
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Not sure if I was supposed to start a new thread or continue with my first?? Anyone?

March 10, 2008
6:46 am
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gj1974
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Hi I posted for the first time last night, and as far as I can tell were in good company and your doing fine. Its amazing to not feel alone anymore and have a voice. I look forward to chatting with you. I too am trying to change my ways Its very hard.

March 10, 2008
8:03 am
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Celtic1
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Welcome Ack and gj1974...

I'm Celtic, not always the best advise but often on the site. ;0)

Ack..I think YOU sound as though you are on the golden road to recovery. Not an easy place to be BUT the end is worth the walk ;0)

gj...I don't think I've seen your thread.. But welcome to you too ;0)

Celtic

March 10, 2008
3:03 pm
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taj64
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Hi welcome. You are doing fine. I have a grandmother that is 92. She died about 2 weeks ago. But I was not the primary caregiver, my aunt was. I have never taken care of an elderly person. Im almost afraid to be around an elderly person. So maybe I dont understand you completely. But I do understand what it is like to be in unhealthy relationships. I have been in MANY. So for 2 years now I have worked on myself and kept the focus on myself. I cant say im in complete happiness, especially since my grannie died, but Im not miserable in an unhealthy relationship. I try to make the most of what i have and work on my self esteem. You cannot please everyone all the time. That is something that I always keep in mind. You dont spend all your time with outside people so it is important to keep the focus on what is around you most of the time. Setting boundaries is part of taking care of the self. Dont invite unhealthy things in your life, set your limits on what you handle and those that try to make you feel guilty then that is their problem, not yours. Guilt is a useless emotion. You cant do anything with guilt. It serves no purpose. I wish you luck.

March 10, 2008
3:52 pm
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Anonymous
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(((((Taj))))) I'm so sorry about your Grannie. My prayers are with you and your family. It's hard to loose someone who has been in your families life always.
It's tough taking care of an elderly person, but I now manage well enough. She has dementia, most times she is herself...others not so much. But she always recognizes me.I have the right amount of help now and am learning to let go of things that the paid caregivers can do . This frees me up to work, work on me, and catch up on some much needed sleep! 15 years of this has taught me alot to say the least.

You are right about the boundaries, I started today! I actually answered my cell today and said " I'm sorry I cannot help you with this, I am in the middle of taking care of something important for myself."

I have a caregiver here now with gram, I took a much needed day off work, and there is a drywall guy here making a reapair that I am actually letting my roomate handle!!! Now this is a first for me Woohoo!
I was pacing at first listening to her answer his questions, then I left and went into the basement so I could not hear it. So day 1 of detachment is going well!

You should be really proud of yourself, it took me a long time to realize how unhealthy my relationships really were. When I finally did, thought I was in a healthy one, 1 year after marriage, this drug problem pops up out of the blue. Life changes completly. To be honest, it was a final blow for me. I thought life was grand, finally broke free of the past, looked forward to the future, he had a great family, we even tried for kids. It was a blessing in disguise that after only two weeks into it, I found the drugs and was not pregnant. I took imediate action " Stop, get help, or we are done"
Jump to 1.5 years later...we sold our house, I have 2 roomates (that's a whole other dilema lol) and Gram, my soon to be ex is in an apartment. We are settling bills, divorce is next. So this is the time I am sitting down to take a breath and it's tough, I have thought for and taken care of someone for all my life... This first step has been hard and I really appreciate the understanding and support.
Thanks again,

Ack!

March 10, 2008
9:29 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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welcome, Ack. Post often.

March 10, 2008
9:52 pm
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razor
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Welcome Ack and gj1974

taj
I too am almost afraid to be around an elderly person. I have never heard anyone else say that. I never understand why but its good too know I'm not the only one.

March 11, 2008
12:25 am
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Anonymous
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Taj and Razor,
Thanks Razor

You would be surprised how many people feel exactly the same way you do. I have always felt real close to older folks. I am sure it comes from the peacefullness they have. My gram is not sick all the time, her condition wears her out more then it causes pain. We still deal with pain don't get me wrong, but not daily. To watch her sit still and enjoy the view from the window for hours, it's taught me alot about about finding a peaceful place. She slows me down lol
But you are not alone, I hear this alot. Some say it stems from your own fear of aging.
Ack!

March 11, 2008
12:28 am
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Anonymous
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Thanks to Tiger for the support!
By the way everyone...today was the first day of " detach" I went into it excited, did really well all day. But I am feeling alot of anxiety and frustration. ALOT of people are mad at me for sure! Work should be interesting tomorrow if I am already feeling like this today. I am in charge there, so I need to be careful that I am seperating the two.
Day 1 almost over!
Ack!

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