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New Member Seeking Help
January 27, 2005
10:10 pm
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Kentuckygirl24
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September 30, 2010
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Hi everyone! I really don't know what to say, other than, I'm like you guys! lol. I was in a relationship for five years on and off, and almost a month ago he told me that he has found someone new. I am determined that this is it! This is the last time. I am having trouble letting go. I still call him and email him everyday. It just hurts that he can be so happy and just move on, and here I am, lonely and pathetic. I decided to go through work and get a therapist. I have been to her once, so I really don't know if this is going to help. She informed me of everything that I had already known, I need to stop calling/emailing him, it's just hard. She suggested that I may be codependent, or addicted to him. I have always known this, but never thought that being addicted to a person was possible, and felt as though I was just going crazy. I have many feelings of "not good enough", and if I did all of this for him, and he isn't satisfied how can i satisfy anyone else. I don't think I will ever stop loving him. I just need help with letting go. How do you just stop calling someone? I get to where I feel as though I can not breathe if I do not pick up the phone and call. Please help. Thanks.
PS~ It's nice to know that other people have unfortunately experienced this.

January 27, 2005
11:13 pm
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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Yes, Kentucky and welcome and yes there are lots of us Coda people in this group...all great people, battling lots of the same issues, and here for great support.

Kentucky, next time you "want" to call him...log onto this site, and tell us what you are feeling....I guarantee you will get lotsa responses...and I bet if you did call him, you would end up regretting it, cuz you can't change him....to be the man you want him to be......so log on here 20x if you have to..just don't call!!!!
(((camer)))

January 28, 2005
12:07 am
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msguud
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September 24, 2010
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hey kentucky girl - DON'T CALL. For me it's harder than quitting drinking and smoking, no kidding, but I'm on Day 10 of not calling and my life is getting a little easier, also with help from many good people on this site. Keep posting. We'll all listen. Try to find a CODA meeting because that is sure helping me and I've only been four times so far. Take care........ I'm doing the rubber band around the wrist, too, and when I get the urge I let myself have a whack and DAMMIT IT HURTS, so that's what it will feel like if you call.

January 28, 2005
12:15 am
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woundedspirit
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September 29, 2010
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Im totally the same Kentucky! And this site is helping me a ton!! Its so good to have the distraction and see that Im "normal" whatever that is. Or atleast not alone in the battle. Ive been apart from my ex 7 months after 3 1/2 years but we have never stopped talking. Not one day without an email, text message or something. Have slept together fairly regular through it, even though he was with someone else and I didnt know it till after. etc. I still cant make it the one day. actually today I havent made any contact but then he did. and I havent encouraged the conversation but only answered very short and direct to his questions. I figured that was progress atleast. then he just showed up a bit ago! To get a box of his stuff as he has a ton still here. But I was proud of myself because I didnt ask him to stay, didnt try hugging him, really didnt even try talking to him other than basic necessities. Well, its a start atleast. one minute at a time...I hope it will get easier for you.

January 28, 2005
12:38 pm
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msguud
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September 24, 2010
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DON'T CALL!!!

February 4, 2005
12:50 am
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zana
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September 30, 2010
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me and husband married 8 yrs.We seperated 5 months ago .marriage counciler told us to date first to start over.We have two children and have been dating for 4 months My husband says we need to take it slow One day at a time .My question is how long should we keep this up.I feel its time to take that step of living together.Or should i just give up.

February 4, 2005
1:09 am
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zana
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September 30, 2010
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me and husband married 8 yrs.We seperated 5 months ago .marriage counciler told us to date first to start over.We have two children and have been dating for 4 months My husband says we need to take it slow One day at a time .My question is how long should we keep this up.I feel its time to take that step of living together.Or should i just give up.

February 4, 2005
9:02 am
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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how does your hubby feel about this??? 4 mos isn't a long time to rebuilt what may have been lost. Maybe take things day by day and see if you both can come to an agreement when to take the next step and move in together.

February 4, 2005
3:35 pm
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on my way
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September 29, 2010
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It takes time, it is not an overnight thing, and you will help yourself if you remember this. Part of it is knowing you can exist without him,,,that you did exist without him before you met him, and you can now. Easier said than done, I know...I have been there myself. Know that there is someone better than him for you, love yourself, and take care of yourself, get to know yourself all over again...pray, and find a good church!!!
It is hard, not easy, so just take your time, one day at a time...this is what I recommend, and keep posting here, it may help you think through some things as well.

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