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new here - need a little hope
April 8, 2007
5:47 pm
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mary.jane
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September 24, 2010
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Hi all

I've just come across this board and you seem like a very supportive group. This is my first time to post on any message board so please forgive me if i make any mistakes.

Anyway the reason im posting is because im at the end of my rope and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Im 25 and I've always felt that there is just something terribly wrong with me. I attract the most underhanded, abusive and manipulative people. And I've just come back from my mothers and its like a light bulb has gone off, thats exactly how she is.
Its not something that I can quiet put my finger on but I always leave her place feeling worthless and completely drained.

3 years ago I had a baby who died 3 days later and since then I've alienated every friend I ever had. I'm completely alone and now I'm just terrified I'm going to turn into that bitter woman that is my mother.

I guess I'm posting to ask; can people change? Can I really change?

Sorry that was so long and thank you for reading.

Take care MJ

April 8, 2007
6:41 pm
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tortos
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I too know your pain. Your on the right track.We must be free of all the power over people we think we need to use.

April 8, 2007
8:31 pm
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Anonymous
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(((Mary Jane)))

Welcome! Sorry to hear about your baby. I´m not a mother out of fear more than anything. You´ve gone through one the fiercest pains there is. I´m sure you´ll always miss your baby.

I´ve had other problems but one of them includes the kind you´re having with your mom. Mine has passed away so sometimes I feel like I need to go to the cemetery to see that she´s really there. However, the most peace I have is when I think, she´s dead, she ca´t be accountable for main woes anymmore. And I won´t give her that. Then I also remember she had qualities and ask myself what would she do to help me as in the few times she did.

Your mom being there, it reminds me more of my grandmother when she made me feel worseless. My mom had already died. I was going to counseling with a lady who helped my mom and knew my grandma. She told me flat out not to go see my grandma if that made more depressed. With codependence and the paternalist way of raising girls to be nice, we risk forgetting ourselves, our needs, our wants, our identity...

Sorry, this is a little too much, maybe. I´m as regular around here as others. But I´ve been here a long time for days like ours where everything dies out fast. I guess the reason we come here is for help. Then we stay for the good advice, the sharing and hleping we can give. So, welcome.

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

April 8, 2007
8:33 pm
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Anonymous
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Sorry I meant

I´m NOT as regular around here as others

April 13, 2007
3:06 pm
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danielle7373
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I believe people - anyone - can change if they really want to. It takes a lot of work and some attitude adjustments and a little bit of letting go, but it is definitely possible!!

I often wonder if I'll ever really "change" from being so cynical and hopeless, but I know I will. People just hit really rough (sometimes very, very long) tough spots in their lives. But if you want to change, you can. You just have to love yourself and take care of yourself. If only it were really as simple as it sounds!!

April 16, 2007
2:09 am
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Anonymous
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Ive been there rough patches and you think it will never end but at the end of the day you are the only one who can make changes in your life for you maybe its the people around you that brings you down,CHANGE IT maybe it the job your in? CHANGE IT.only you and only you can make changes for you!

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