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New here, I thought I was better??
April 15, 2007
9:17 pm
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At_it_Again
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Hello all, I just found this site and it looks like it may just be the thing I need!

Ok, here's the quick version: I have been married and divorced twice and now I'm wondering if I'm codependent. Well everything I've read screams that I am. So how do I get out of this cycle!? Basically after my split up with my ex, I immediately started dating and getting really involved emotinally right off the bat. After a few guys that didn't work out, I met someone online that wasn't exactly available at the time. I dealt with late night chats and secret meetings for a couple of months. Now that he is "available" and we've spent more time together, I'm not sure if being with him is what I want. But now I have feelings and it's hard to walk away or even know if that's the right thing to do.

I feel so confused and screwed up. I don't want to keep hurting people by not being happy in a relationship (I was the one who left in every relationship I've been in by the way). But I always feel hurt and unsatisfied, so what do I do? Will I ever be happy????

April 16, 2007
1:54 am
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free
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Absolutely. when you're able to stop depending on others for that happiness.

It comes from within.

hugs

free

April 17, 2007
12:44 pm
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At_it_Again
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Free, thanks for the reply.

You are right and I'm trying to work on finding that happiness from within. It is a daily struggle but I think it's slowly but surely breaking it's way through!

Now that I think I got caught up in my old dependable ways, I'm wondering if this new guy I'm with is also codependent. The fact that he's with me so soon after a horrible ending to a relationship. How can he possibly be over it. He can be clingy at times and then aloof at others. And here I am, the one who always jumps into relationships, one after another.

Now that I have feelings for him, I'm wondering what to do. Do I walk away? He isn't a bad person at all. I think he is just under a lot of stress and has some negativity as a result. Other than that, he's a nice guy. I'm just not sure if he is the right guy for me. I know it takes a lot to make the long haul and I'm not sure we would be able to make it under the current circumstances. So just not sure what to do.

I am realizing that it's hard to focus on oneself and try to have a relationship at the same time.

Right now, I just don't want anymore stress in my life. I want to be and feel happy and just enjoy life!

April 17, 2007
12:55 pm
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mj
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Hi At it Again!

I can relate to jumping from relationship to relationship. It doesn't work šŸ™‚

It is hard to work on self and do the grief work and find out who one truly is when in another relationship. I have heard that when you begin a recovery program like Coda then it is advised that you wait a year to begin a new relationship. Does that thought terrify you? It did me and no I didn't follow the suggestion. I got married again instead. Good luck with finding your answers. I know that no one can make me happy but me too! Happiness is an inside job!

April 17, 2007
1:20 pm
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At_it_Again
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YES MJ! A year is terrifying, how about 6 months?! LOL

I've already been married twice so I do not want to make that mistake again!! I have a daughter now that I have to think about...I surely don't want to screw her up in the process of my discovery and healing!

Now I'm wondering, do co-dependents attract other co-dependents? I guess so, huh.

April 17, 2007
1:35 pm
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reachingout
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At It

I do not think you will be happy with this guy for the long haul.You have kinda already said your not.I think you need to take some time for just yourself and your daughter learn to be happy alone first I think that is the secret.I'm not saying this is easy or fun but when you find that I think you draw good people toward you not clingy ones.Best wishes to you and all of us in this desperate search for happiness.I've been working on this a long time still don't have it but still working toward and I'm ok with that most of the time

April 17, 2007
5:51 pm
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mj
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OK 6 mos. Then after you make it to 6 mos. re-evaluate šŸ˜‰

I'd like to attract healthy relationships!

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