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New Guy on Board, About CoDA.
October 22, 2005
10:37 am
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Anonymous
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Hi, I am new here and I practice being brave. Codependency is the issue for me and my family of 12 siblings which I am number 6 in line. I am 49 now and I hope that is not giving to much personal info for this Board but I think such info makes a big difference in knowing the issue.
Some years ago I went to the one week family time for my sister that was in the Meadows in Arizona because she was diagnosed as codependent and that was where I first learned about CoDA and its treatment. Now my younger sister has virtually given up on CoDA and the rest of my family is very CoDA with violating boundaries and not expressing feelings and shattered relationships and of course big time denials, so as a result, since I am working hard on my own issues and they always include the family or some members of the family then now I have become the Dominent Dictator because I put boundaries into my whole grown up family. It is like I am the adult or the parent or authority figure because I stop the others from meshing their boundaries (when I can) and I tell them not to say such things and not to do such this and that things because they will not work on the issues nor express their feelings and I see what is wrong and each of them are not up to dealing with the CoDA, so I see myself as the Dominent Dictator in my little disfunctioning world, but I only try to get them to stop hurting themselves and hurting others. Since I am the only one in my circle that works on the issues then I care about those that do not.
So what does anyone think here?

October 22, 2005
10:58 am
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CAMER
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hi & welcome....i guess as long as you focus mostly on your own well being and your own codependency that is a great step...as for your other family members, you could tell them till there blue in the face about being coda and in denial, and it is up to them to get support and help with it.

Have you attended any Coda meetings yet locally??? maybe you could offer to take one of your sibiling and let them see how meetings work.

I am so glad you recognized your codependcy and working on being healthy....as for the others, they
should look up to you and see how far you have come!!

(((camer))

October 22, 2005
11:35 am
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Anonymous
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Thanks CAMER, but no, there are no meeting groups in my area. We have AA groups but no CoDA and there is a big difference indeed.
Plus, if I could get anyone of my family to go to a meeting (even an AA meeting since many do drink) then that would be the beginning of recovery so they will not go. But I do try to let each of them know that I am available and I will go anywhere they choose if anyone wanted to go anywhere. Be an example, yes indeed.
I do know that I can talk till blue and it is up to each other person to help themselves but since they do not then I am setting the boundaries in the family and thus the Dominent Dictator even though I think I am a nice benevolent Dictator.
Our mother (still alive 82 years old) gave us our CoDA (the fears and shame and more) and so I am the one that brakes and interferes in the ruinous dependent bounds that still exist and so I take the negtive power away from mother and the siblings start looking to me and that is a strange phenominon in my recovery program.
Does I make sence out there?

October 22, 2005
11:55 am
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CAMER
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yes, that makes alot of sense....and being from such a large family, and most being codependent....YOU are doing the right thing, maybe your siblings see you as a "father" figure and knowing the rights from wrongs, they could be testing you too, by you offering advice, and then they turn it away. Now, i hope this made sense!

October 22, 2005
12:01 pm
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Anonymous
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I like it. That instead of seeing me as a dictator but as a male role model. I hope so.

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