Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
New CODA member - Hurting!!
July 23, 2007
11:12 pm
Avatar
Mr Big
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

New member just signed up tonight. Read some threads and impressed by the support you all give.

I am in a lousy place right now (that is all too familiar) - been here many times before. I have recently been dumped by my gf that I was really into. She was emotionally unavailable, yet I loved her so. Was hoping to marry her one day. I just read "ScaredinMichigan"'s definitions of codependent relationships & how we got that way. I saw very familiar patterns in those writings.

I am not sleeping well - crying ALOT. Wanting to call her, but - as I mentioned, been here before - and have developed some measure of self respect in that I don't just want to get her voice mail - or have sent texts go unreturned. I know that would not be good for me . . . and am avoiding all contact. PAINFUL. HURTING. Know it will get better in time .. . . been training hard again (gave up completely who I was while in this relationship) and it seems to help. Mornings are rough - waking up without her . . . she doesn't call me to check in while I'm at work (I can actually hear the phone NOT ringing)- going to bed alone really sucks - the days are LONG.

I miss her so much - just looking for a little support.

Thanks for listening.

July 23, 2007
11:37 pm
Avatar
marypoppins
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You're not alone. As you said, it will get better with time.

Maintaining no contact will help you get clarity. About 3 weeks ago, I came to this site and was advised to post here rather than contact my ex. I followed that advice.

If you want to end your addiction to unhealthy relationships, you'll have to first work on yourself.

Why would you want a serious relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable?

Mary

July 24, 2007
12:00 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mr. Big,

Welcome to the site. I hope you find as much comfort here as I have.

I am recently divorced and can so relate to what you are going through.

I have found no contact works best for me. Its hard at first- but it gets easier with time. There is even a thread called no contact for everyone struggling with this exact topic.

Hugs,
Chelonia

July 24, 2007
1:35 am
Avatar
_anonymous
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Not hearing from here has got to be painful. I am glad that you are hear to communicate to ease the pain. You will find that you are not alone and learn about how to cope with this type of thing. It sucks. But the intensity of it will decrease. Over time. Please tell me more about what happend so I can understand your situation better.

July 24, 2007
9:33 am
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((Mr.Big)) keep doing what you are doing. You are handling it well. Keep up no contact. Do good things for yourself

September 4, 2007
7:20 am
Avatar
HelloMe
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello Mr Big,
I have only just signed up tonight and your post is the first i read.
It actually has brought tears to my eyes, not only for the pain that you are feeling now , but that i have felt the same way many times, and its only now that i am looking at myself, desiding to change and why?
So that i can have fun and be happy.
It gets easier and you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and know that you are a beautiful person, so treat yourself with tender thoughts and things will get better ech day that you do something good for YOU!

September 4, 2007
10:21 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Mr Big...you came to the right place...and yes the feelings of being alone, and her not calling or being there when you get home, and sleeping alone...they are all painful feelings.

But now is the time for you, time to take good care of you, time to figure out your wants and needs and and setting up a healthy lifestyle for you.

Keep posting, it does help & know that you are not alone!!! (((camer)))

September 4, 2007
11:03 am
Avatar
AQueen
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Welcome to AAC Mr Big. I suggest you get the book Codependent No More and read it. It changed my life. You can get a used copy on Amazon.com really cheap. Check it out. I ended a toxic relationship that had been going on for years after reading the book. I've made many positive life changes and set some healthy boundaries.

Look up books on relationship addiction as well. Many codependents became addicted to unhealthy people and stay in relationships that have been dead for a long time because they don't want to s be alone. Many codependent have a dysfunctional family background that includes sexual/verbal/physical abuse, drug or alcohol addiction, abandonment, and domestic violence.

I feel counseling is extremely beneficial. I had to take a good look at myself and take responsiablityfor my part in unhealthy relationships I engaged in. So in counseling I'm working on why I attract unhealthy people to begin with, why do I settle for relationships that are clearly not good for me, why do I make the same mistakes over and over, how to set firm boundaries so I don't let people walk all over me. So far counseling has been a very positive experiance for me. I urge you to give it a try. Find a therapist that suits your needs and is in a location that is easy to get to so you don't make excuses not to show up for appointments. After a few sessions if you don't feel comfortable with the counselor find a new one. Sometimes you have to shop around a bit. Good luck.

AQueen

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
22
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714261
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information