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New and need some legal advice!!
June 29, 2009
2:06 pm
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WornoutMother228
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I have been with my sons father for 5 1/2 years, and we only have one child-he's 16 months old.....gladly I am leaving his father because he has not even attempted to get a job since before our son was born and i have been the sole breadwinner as long as we have been together! Unfortunately I can no longer carry the burden of paying for EVERYTHING and am desperate need of some assistance....still he will not get a job and i work everyday 9-5, I go to school usually 2 days a week as long as the semester lasts and occationally i clean peoples houses on the weekend!! I am only in my twenties and i feel like i am in my ninties...I get home late everyday and have to take care of my son and cook dinner (lately it has been more work than play and it is him that suffers) when he goes to bed i clean the house and get everything rady for the next day----it is all a sad routine -now that i am kicking him out for being useless his mother (my mother in law) is threatening to go for custody of my son if i leave her son----i don't want to have to go to court and have all that added stress but i am fearful that i will never get my life back and be able to spend money like i want because i need to support a family of 3!! also, my mothe in law is such a psycho and I don't know what would be said in court but i dont drink or do drugs or harm my child or anything bad....is there any way she could win??

June 29, 2009
2:22 pm
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FireFighter
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I'm no legal expert here.

The courts these days still look to the mom as the best place. Unless there is some reason why the child would be in danger of any sort physically or emotionally then I think your ok.

Now your situation shows you to have been the breadwinner and the only real parent in this relationship.

Add to the fact that yor mother in law has seemingly not been there for you so far , it makes no sense.

I went through a fun battle for the last two years so have spent much time chatting with lawyers. For your mother in law to go after custody in this case it would not only be differcult I think it would be very costly. I suspect its saber rattling on her part to see if she can cause you to change your mind.

In most cases you can call a lawyer and have a free consultation.

At the end of the day do what is right for you and your child. The rest is noise.

Good luck

FF

June 29, 2009
2:26 pm
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CAMER
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you can't lose custody, unless the dad has proven facts that you are a druggie, abuse alcohol or are an unfit mother, and from what it sounds, I think you have no worries about even losing sole custody of your child.

If you kick your hubby out, most likely court will be involved. Your hubby will finally HAVE to pay his fair share of child support.

As for custody, he will most likely get visitation rights, but you will be the sole caretaker.

This is all new to you, take things slow, you made the first step of kicking the hubby out.

Do you plan on getting a divorce or getting marriage counseling???

June 29, 2009
2:30 pm
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fantas
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(((Wornoutmother))),
I'm so sorry your are in this situation. I'm not even sure how you managed 5 years with this man but I'm glad you are getting out of it.

You need to get a good lawyer and let the courts handle the custody situation. Where is your family and can they support you with this? As far as your mother in law is concerned, she has no legal rights over your child. Grandparents do not have that kind of power unless you guys are either dead or completely inept. She is just blowing hot air. I can totally see where her son gets his irresponsibility streak. Be aware though that because you were the sole provider of your household, you might be required to pay alimony to your spouse for a while, upon the divorce.

I would suggest going into therapy and learning how to never fall into this kind of a relationship again. While he is definitely a looser, the fact that you choose to marry him and continued to take care of him without demanding he be an equal partner in relationship might suggest you might have some self worth and esteem issues.

All the best to you and keep us posted!

June 29, 2009
2:31 pm
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sad sack
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Welcome Worn out Mom,

First, let me start by saying that I am not an attorney. What I state here, is solely my opinion.

Please don't let your controlling mother-in-law intimidate you into staying in a toxic, unhealthy, unfulfilling relationship. I cannot imagine that a judge would grant custody to someone who is unemployed and seemingly content on staying that way.

You are a hard working who is obviously intent on making a better life for yourself and for your child. I admire and respect what you are doing.

Yes, you may have a legal situation on your hands if the mother in law is determined to go down that route, but so be it.

I urge you to seek legal counsel as soon as you possibly can.

You are still very young. You have so much life ahead of you.

With regard to the situation you described, I would keep accurate records of everything your MIL says and does to you. Your husbands behavior (and actions or non-actions) should be documented as well.

Again, see legal counsel. Perhaps, you should also seek the help of a counselor just for some added support. That MIL is pushing all the right buttons in order for you to stay with her son. What kind of mother interferes like that anyway? I am sure a judge would see right through her.

I wish you well. Please keep in touch and come here for support when you need it.

(((worn out mother)))

sad

July 1, 2009
1:05 am
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atalose
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Wornoutmother228,

In regards to your mother in law………what a BITCH! It would appear that she rather have you stuck with her freeloading son then have to deal with him again herself.

Keep reminding yourself of this: if she were to go after custody of your child she would then have to prove her own son is not a fit parent……..do you think she’s willing to do that or even realizes that’s what she’d be doing if she attempts this.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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