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new and lost
May 16, 2006
10:09 pm
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puppetgirl
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THis is my first time here. I am feeling very lost and could use someone to talk to.

May 16, 2006
10:10 pm
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Beentheredonethat46
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Hi puppetgirl,

You won't be lost here. Talk all you need/want to.

Strength, joy and love to all,
Kim

May 16, 2006
10:13 pm
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Anonymous
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Hey, Puppet, what's going on in your life?

You're not alone here, sweetie!

Jennifer

May 16, 2006
10:16 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Im here too hunny.

May 16, 2006
10:18 pm
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puppetgirl
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May 16, 2006
10:24 pm
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puppetgirl
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Thanks for the encouragement! I just recently was told by my therapist to look into codependency and maybe check out an al-anon meeting. I've been thinking about it and found this website. I pretty much meet all of the criteria! My wife and I have been together for 5+ years. I have been feeling very lost and now fearful that maybe everything I have (and thought I always wanted) is not enough to make me happy. My wife is in OA and finishing up grad school. She requires a lot of attention and that always made me feel good. But now, I feel like I'm not getting the attention I need. I am struggling with family and career issues and need some support. I have met someone recently who is fulfilly my needs but I feel terribly guilty about. I don't know what to do?
-puppetgirl

May 16, 2006
10:38 pm
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Beentheredonethat46
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puppetgirl,

It is great that you are seeing a therapist, great step. Does your therapist know about your new friend?

I don't mean to be harsh or cruel but finding a way to have your needs met with another person is not a good idea, it could be very self-destructive (in my opinion).

Have you talked to your wife about your feelings, your needs? You are a worthy person and deserve to be valued. Could it be possible that your wife doesn't know she is not meeting your needs?

Go ahead and tell us more, there is a huge amount of support here. You are not alone.

Strength, joy and love to all,
Kim

May 16, 2006
11:05 pm
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Anonymous
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Puppetgirl, I think you should probably take this time to examine yourself, and explore more into codependency.

My concern is that you are substituting one issue for another. And there are ways of learning how to show yourself the attention you need, without depending on another to provide it.

Also, I, too, think you should bring this to the attention of your wife. Maybe she could go to one of your sessions with you, or maybe the two of you could seek joint counseling.

I just hope that you won't do something that you would later on regret, because you had some unsettled issues within yourself. NOW is the time to address them, (the issues) and you're starting off good, just by posting here!

Best wishes for you,

Jennifer

May 16, 2006
11:08 pm
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Anonymous
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PS...When I say "learning how to show yourself the attention you need", I just want to state, that I know this doesn't cover all types of attention. Some should definately be coming from your wife, which I believe that's all the more reason to talk with her, and possibly seek counseling.

Jen

May 17, 2006
10:29 am
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puppetgirl
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Thanks for the feedback. It's nice to hear honest opinions. I have told my wife about my needs and how I feel alone. She is also going through a rough time- finishing up grad school and working. Her days are really long and we don't have much time together these days. We both go to individual and couples counseling. I love my wife! I'm just not sure if the life I'm living right now is what I want.

Still feeling lost.

May 17, 2006
8:14 pm
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Anonymous
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The main advise I would give you right now, is that even though you are unsure if the marriage is what you want, please don't get involved with another, before you have ended the one you are in. The LAST thing you need right now, is a triangle. It will only cause you MORE grief and emotions, and add to the fire.

So take what time you need to examine your marriage and decide what you should do, THEN move forward from there. One day at a time, and one relationship at a time.

Hope this wasn't offensive, just wanted to offer some feedback. Take Care...

Jennifer

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