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Nesh's Night Crew - Tuesday
September 7, 2005
12:58 am
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D dog
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Hi Mama -

I had a good night, too. Happy quilting, and a very good nite to you!

September 7, 2005
12:59 am
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Neshema
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okay, thanks for saying i have a sense of humor, That is good feedback, I was way funny before my stalker that everyone (even my grad sudents) said I should do stand up comedy, but completely lost my humor in the past year...so this is a sign of healing! This is especially good on a day when I am so down about my mommy. I love her so much. So, I am really glad u all told me that. In fact, I will tell u a secret, I think I used to get my papers accepted at conferences for presentations, not because of their scholarly merit, but because people thought I was entertaining! Yes, it is true. Don't tell anyone when I try to get promoted...well, the truth is no one understood the statistics, so I had to make them funny or everyone would fall asleep.

So, my guy called to check on my mom. How sweet and say bye before he has to go out of town for a colloquium for 2 says. I think he is coming along, intimacy problems or not!

Anyway, for some reason, I down, down, down... have been all day.

September 7, 2005
1:03 am
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D dog
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Nesh,

I am too tired to be inspirational (too bad Ras and kathygy aren't up - they are so good at it!), but I just wanna say, maybe today has been a down day, but sleep on it and look forward to 2morrow - another day, another chance to be you, another day to be with your mom.

Keep the faith, girl.

Much luv -

:o)

September 7, 2005
1:09 am
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mamacinnamon
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Nesh:

Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough problems of it's own.

Take this one day at a time. Get some sleep, wake up and focus on the positives in the am. Then see how the day goes. If the negative starts to set in then take a step back and regroup and focus again on the positives.

I do hope your mom will regain her health soon. Is she in the hospital or at home? Will say a prayer for her.

HEY D DOG.... Good to see ya.

September 7, 2005
1:16 am
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Neshema
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Thanks Dog, mom is 2.5 hrs away, and I have to be at work the next several weeks. I guess that is part of the problem. She has a severe form of an illness related to mine. She took care of me all through my childhood, and now she could die and there is nothing I can do. I am the only one who truly gets her pain and knows it is not going away. I am the only one who can tell her how to cope and live each day at a time and how to be a patient with this. It is so sad. She used to rock me in her lap when all the kids abandoned me. She was always there, and if not for her, I doubt i would have developed my talents and gone on to be a professor with tenure. She never let me give up. She was a great gift, and now this vibrant woman is left with her suffering. How ironic she has something so related to my own disease, yet hers could be fatal. And, I cannot rock her, and I cannot save her. All I can do is tell her how I learned to accept it, and I learned it all from her. No one understands but us. I guess we are codependent in a way or like twins. I have no sisters. I feel her pain. I know what she is thinking. When she is crying, I am crying. I am so with her. And, I know she is scared, because she has seen what I have suffered, yet hers is so much worse. Yet she remains brave and graceful.

September 7, 2005
1:27 am
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bonita1
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Hi Nesh & Night Crew Gang,

Just stopping in for a bit before hitting the hay. Neshie, I am sorry about your mom being so ill. My mom passed away in May 2000 and I still miss her. But she had been ill for so many years, I had to let her go even though I still wanted my mamita forever. I told her it was all right, that she could go home now and she did.

It was a relief to see her finally at peace and not suffering. But I do miss her. Its not like I can call her on the phone and talk to her. You can still do that. I encourage you to call her whenever you can. Finish that darn promotion project so you can spend time with her. All that work you are putting in sounds tedious? Ugh. Homework. Ugh! LOL

I'm going to start having homework to do pretty soon and I am dreading it already. Ugh.

Talk to you soon, Neshie,

((((((((((hugs)))))))))

bonbon 😉

September 7, 2005
1:42 am
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Neshema
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Thanks bon bon-
Yes you are right about calling on the phone. I use to feel that way about my grandma. I loved to call her. I am sorry you can't call ur mommy. I a lucky i can call mine...true. good point! Yes, you are right..it is big motivation to finish this tedious work of endless pages tooting my horn! mY guy is doing it the same time at it is great we have each other to complain to about it. yes, it is like homework. I have no problem writing a journal article. that is interesting.This is just plain boring! Once I finish, I can go see my mom. Thanks for again saying all the right things, bon bon. You know I am loving ya gf! neshie

September 7, 2005
1:45 am
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cpt1212
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Hey Y'all.

Nesh, my thoughts are with you and your mom. I know how tough that can be. ((((((((nesh)))))))

September 7, 2005
2:02 am
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cpt1212
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Did everyone turn in "early" tonight?

September 7, 2005
2:38 am
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Neshema
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cp- still here workin on promotion and getting a dove bar.

September 7, 2005
4:13 am
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Neshema
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okay, guess i am going to bed...

September 7, 2005
4:24 am
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alyssa
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Hi Nesh

I am thinking your name should've been dove bar. I have seen you say your getting one of those a couple of different times. lol.

Please write your mom and say the things you wrote about her being there for you. It might be something that she can draw comfort and peace and love from. and she can pull it out and read it anytime she wants to.

22-just remember that maybe no woman was available to hot tub tonight but will he be reading that self help book tommorrow night when some woman is in the hot tub. The night crew is right. YOu stay out of that hot tub!

Shaney, If you aren't eating that cake you are a STRONG woman. I believe probably able to do anything!!! All I could think is pass it over to me. I'll eat the whole thing and you can make him another one tomorrow. lol.

you all have a good night!

September 7, 2005
4:38 am
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Neshema
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alyssa-

I actually hate dove bars...i eat them to stay over 100 lbs.

thanks for the kind words. I do tell my mom everyday. She does need to hear it. You are right.

If you have any ideas of other high caloric goodies, please let me know. I need a new treat. I think I have tried everything.

September 7, 2005
4:45 am
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alyssa
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Oh, I love Filthy Wilma. I think some people call it Robert Redford or better the sex desert. lol. something like that.

a layer of crust,
a layer of cool whip, sugar, and cr.cheese, and a layer of chocolate and butterscotch pudding!

sooooooo yummy!

what kind of treats do you like?

HEY DID YOU HEAR....SHANEY HAS CAKE!

September 7, 2005
4:50 am
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alyssa
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BY THE WAY I'M GLAD YOUR GUY CHECKED IN WITH YOU TONIGHT. HE SOUNDS NICE.

YOU MUST NOT LIKE CREAM CHEESE TO WELL HUH? IT IS GOOD AND FATTENING AND I KNOW SOME RECIPES FOR CREAM CHEESE. SOME ARE EASY AND YUMMY!

LIGHT BULB MOMENT FOR ME... PROBABLY WHY I FIGHT TO STAY UNDER 150LBS. HAHAHAHA

September 7, 2005
4:56 am
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alyssa
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JUST ME HERE AGAIN. BUT I THINK I AM GOING TO HEAD OFF TO BED.

I HOPE GETTING THIS PROMOTION IS REALLY WHAT YOU WANT NESH. BUT I AM WORRIED, WILL THE PROMOTION BRING ON MORE STRESSES FOR YOU? PLEASE TAKE CARE.

GOODNIGHT!

September 7, 2005
9:37 am
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mamacinnamon
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Nesh:

You are a good daughter. Call your mom, and I do agree you should put in writing how you feel about her and give it to her. What a gift.

I do understand the pain factor. I have such pain on a daily basis and even on all these meds. If a person has not felt that pain then they don't know. I think that has alot to do w/ me and Jigs. I've felt the kind of pain she is goin thru. It takes such a toll day after day after day. BUT, you and your mom have the special bond that only few have. Feed on that bond; be there for your mom even if not in the physical. I'm sure she knows how much she is loved, but tell her anyway. Always nice to hear it.

Oh YES, and the rocking chair. The most valuable tool to bonding and taking away pain, hurt, anything. Jigs and I sit in the rocking chair often (not literally). My daughter and I also rock when she's feeling bad. Just something so special about that rocking chair. I think God made rocking chairs just for mamas and daughters.

CPT: Sorry I missed you. I was up but busy.

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