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Nesh's Night Crew - Tuesday
September 6, 2005
7:59 pm
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Neshema
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Hi, gang-

I am here early. Really down.

My mom is very ill. I cannot help her, except be supportive.

Hard to work on the promotion today.

Got a lot of crap at work about something, which is not good from a higher-up when I am facing a promotion. This guy keeps giving me trouble and loves to call me "sweetheart" in front of others. I put my foot down, and he gave in regarding this particular issue (which he had committed to in the first place, but was holding my group hostage on now because of costs). So, yay for me for being assertive. Hope i don't pay later. Glad I am not married to the guy.

September 6, 2005
8:11 pm
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22haha
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Nesh - happy Tuesday to ya. Sorry your mom is ill. My mother was ill for 6 years and there wasn't anything to do but be there to brighten her day. I'm sure she appreciates all the support you can give her. Don't forget to tell her you love her.
Way to be assertive. Don't put up with anyones crap.
I will be in and out but I will be back later tonight. Keep your chin up.

September 6, 2005
8:28 pm
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Neshema
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thanks, 22! Stay out of that hot tub...remember..GERMS!

September 6, 2005
8:30 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Good evn Nesh and 22:

Sorry your mom is ill. Anything really bad?

Are ya'll gonna start the germ thing again. lol.

September 6, 2005
9:45 pm
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glittered when he walked
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Oy..don't get me started on germs. People overuse anti-microbial soaps..there's a time and place for them..but not in everyday residential use unless you're immuno-suppressed.

Microbiologists will tell you we're better off using normal traditonal soaps. besides, small exposures to certain bacteria can be good for you.

sorry..it's a sore spot for me. People oversue and misuse anti-biotics and anti-microbial products and it's bad.

September 6, 2005
10:06 pm
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Neshema
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just germs in the hot tub

yes, my mom is very sick....I am really upset.

September 6, 2005
10:07 pm
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Neshema
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and they are germs in a specific hot tub that 22haha is to avoid.

September 6, 2005
10:46 pm
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alyssa
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Hi everyone. Anyone do anything fun on your holiday day off yesturday. We just did the family b-b-q. It was nice but glad it doesn't take place everyday. lol.

Sorry about your mom Nesh.

I've missed the hottub story, but my imagination will think up something good. lol.

September 6, 2005
10:52 pm
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Neshema
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Hi, Alyssa- Welcome to the night crew. I am down in the dumps. My mom is so sick. Plus, I have to work on this promotion thing, and can't concentrate, because I want to be with her. Anyway, I am tired of working day and night on this thing. So, no, I did nothing fun this weekend. I have no life outside work right now. I have to get through this.

Have not heard from my guy today...boo hoo.

22haha has to stay away from the guy with the hot tub, because he is a jerk, treats her badly, and entertains naked women in there. That is why. I can only imagine what germs lurk in that hot tub. She is being very strong. We have to encourage her.

September 6, 2005
11:25 pm
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22haha
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Nesh - youa re always good for a laugh. I have a problem... he just stopped over. I told him he is a liar, cheater, abuser, manipulative, and a control freak. He agreed to it all. he has an appt. Oct 1 and he asked if I could call and change it to be sooner. He hates who he is and he hates that he makes me so sad. He also said he is going tomorrow to buy a self help book. I know I shouldn't beleive him but I know he wants to change. I told him I didn't think he could after all these years but I don't want to discourage him now if he is finally going to see a therapist and try. What to do.

Hope your work is goin well. Sorry you are feeling so sad about your mom. I really miss mine at times like these. Hugs.

September 6, 2005
11:33 pm
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LovesPurple2760
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22,
Tell him that he is a grown man, who can use a telephone and call to change his own appointment, if it is truly that important to you. Caretaker, you are not to him anymore. Also, of course, he is agreeable to all the bad things he is in your life right now. If he doesn't own up to them, how will he get you to feel sorry for him? Think about it. . . Did he come over and tell you first how terrible he was and how he knew what a rotten person he was to you and tell you he had his appointment moved? No, he agreed he was terrible, he asked you to change his appointment, he said he was going to buy a self-help book. These men will do anything to give us that glimmer of hope we are looking for. Please take a step back and realize, words are only that. No action has been taken by him to be any different in the last 48 hours, has it?

Sorry, don't mean to offend but looking at it from one who will do anything to believe in someone. I describe it as they can look at me with such sadness in their eyes and tell me how much they love me and need me and how good I am for them and go on and on about how much they will do to change and poof, I forgive just enough to believe in them just long enough to have my heart stomped on again and again.

September 6, 2005
11:38 pm
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22haha
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Loves,
you are right. I did tell him that I couldn't see him until his appt. He understood. It is sohard to turn away now when he finally actually has an appt. to go to. He said it took him a long time to realize that he really was the problem. He stated that he is afraid to trust people and let them in. His family was horrible to him growing up and I think that is where it comes from. Is there no hope for him? I want so bad to believe that he at least will try. An appt is a start. What if he actually reads a book and goes to the appt. Is that not him looking to better his life (for himself, as well as for us).

September 6, 2005
11:42 pm
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Shaney
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Hi everybody - wow, it's crowded tonight... it's good!

Nesh - hi honey! I'm sorry that your mom is sick - but she's still here and you're able to tell her how you feel about her. I'm sure, with your sense of humor, you can at least make her laugh. 🙂

22 - Just posted on your thingy. I'm going back there in a minute - I can't believe he stopped by. Oh wait, yeah I can. Predictable hot tubber, that guy.

My bf just got off duty and it's his birthday today. I came home from work with a cake, candles, presents, dinner reservations, dressed up (looking kind of cute - ha!), and he's IN BED - ASLEEP! He had a hard shift (he's a fireman) and he's exhausted! Poor guy! My dilema is, I want to eat that damn cake, but I should wait for him right?

September 6, 2005
11:51 pm
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LovesPurple2760
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22, put these same questions to yourself. Did your reading one book or going to one appointment really make things better? Think of the craziness you've endured over the last few weeks alone. It is like a crazy rollercoaster ride. You reach out to the members of the site to work through your stuff. Will he reach out to others. For most of us it is an hour by hour work in progress, sometimes a minute by minute. Whatever it takes, we all have to work hard at getting better, stronger and healthier.

Three weeks ago I was sitting on the couch with my ex listening to him cry and tell me how sorry he was for how he was and how he still felt we had a chance. I actually made the decision to go on the out of town trip and thought about us getting married and living happily ever after. Hell, I actually printed out the requirements for obtaining a marriage license in the state we were going to visit. Goofy. Also, I mentioned to a co-worker she might could rent my house and went through the thought process that I would put it up for sale as soon as I got back from my trip with him because "no matter what, I loved him and wanted to be with him." I thought I would be able to stick by him because of my love for him and his talk of how much he loved me. You know, with love, anything is possible, so we have been taught!

Smack, wake up call, the trip to hell occurred. I realized that no matter how much he said he wanted a different life, the life he had lived for 46 years was so normal and matter of fact that no amount of talking about changing was going to do anything. I could not subject myself to the rollercoaster ride of craziness that my life was with him. I deserved better. You too deserve better.

Don't fault yourself for loving someone. I, like you, want to believe in people but please look at yourself and examine deep within yourself, is the good really as good as the bad is bad? When you miss him, think that thought. The walking on egg shells, the distrust, the acting so oblivious to your hurt and your needs, his ability to go on with life acting as if everything is okay while you struggle to get through most every day with a little bit of sanity and self love.

Sorry, just some food for thought. Things I've said/done to help me in the last two weeks.

Love,
Loves!

September 6, 2005
11:53 pm
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22haha
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Shaney - your bf is a good guy? I would say... wait to eat the cake. Maybe just stick your finger in it and lick the frosting off!! Kidding. My bf is a fireman also. Except, he isn't a nice guy. What kind of furry dogs do you have??

Nesh - what is wrong with your mother? How long has she been ill. Has the man called yet??

September 7, 2005
12:00 am
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22haha
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Loves, all very true and good points. I do want to believe in him. Mainly because he has never even offered to see someone before and now he actually is. You are right though it always goes back to ugly. I am not going to be around for him like I was. I told him I need time to heal myself from all the damage. I also said I want to make my life better on my own. I hope he respects that.

September 7, 2005
12:05 am
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mamacinnamon
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Hi ya'll:

Checkin in. Looks busy tonight.

22 Don't do him any favors. He's suckin you back in if you start helpin him now. First one thing; then another. Don't play his game. You don't have to slam him (not that you did) coz I agree that if he's gonna get help he needs not be discouraged. But, he has to do this on his own, for himself or it will not work. Just tell him that.

Gonna step back out for a bit, 20 min or so. Will catch up when I return.

September 7, 2005
12:09 am
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Shaney
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22 - You have GOT to be kidding with the fireman thing! Really? Mine is really a great guy - some issues - but nothing we can't handle - today, anyway :). My bf just got promoted to captain, so he's had to crack down a little - but the first 3-4 years, he was partying like a 20 year old too. This new info about the fire thing puts a whole new spin on things. Hmmm.

September 7, 2005
12:11 am
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Nesh, thoughts with you and your mother (((hugs))))

Haha, I would wait to see proof...if he sees that he has some work to do, watch and see if he actually does it before giving him your trust!

September 7, 2005
12:17 am
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22haha
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Nesh - you around?

I am going to give him encouragement but continue to make myself helathy again. Thanks to all for the tips. I don't want to sound stupid and I hope I am not kicking myself in a few weeks but I hope he can really do this. Its a change in the right direction anyway. I'll gve him room to make his own changes and see if he really is. I'mnot his caretaker anymore. It's HIS life afterall.

September 7, 2005
12:26 am
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22haha
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Goodnight all. Going to bed. Thanks for everything you guys are great.

Mama- goodnight, sorry I'll miss ya when you are back

(((Nesh))) - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.

Loves - keep up the strength. It is encouraging to us weaklings!!!

Shaney - you are eating cake right now, aren't you? Thanks for the encouragement. So you would think a fm would want to help people, huh?

Exotic - Hope you are doing well. How is your daughter? I told the ex I didn't trust him and asked him to offer me some advise on how he would even expect me to after everything.

September 7, 2005
12:32 am
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Hi everyone, just stopping in to type a couple lines before bed...had a good dinner (rare london broil with a garlic-butter soaked baked potato), watching movies on Lifetime, the "Things Can Always Be Worse" network, having a last cigarette for the day and ignoring the dishes.

Typical evening.

H called me earlier just to say "Hey!", wrote him a huge email and then hit "delete" instead of "send".

Oh, he just now called...his truck was stolen from our apartment complex last night, and the Phoenix police (oh God, they are so brutal, gotta stay on the right side of the law in this town!), just found it! Cool. I think it was stolen by some tweaker...this town is like, the home of meth. He called to let me know, he's all happy and victoriuos, doing the "I'll call ya tomorrow and tell you about it!" thing.

Well, good. All's well that ends well for this evening. Glad I didn't bother with the huge emotional email! LOL!

Anyway, thanx for letting me jump in here, need some quality sleep 2nite - Nesh, I am sorry your mother is not well..I lost my mum in 2000, I know how much it hurts to see a mother suffering - I truly hope she gets well soon!

Shaney - hey! Still in here kickin', let's talk soon. Your firefighter sounds like the bomb (no pun intended!) Eat the MF cake and be done with it! LOL!

Good night, my friends -

D dog

September 7, 2005
12:51 am
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Neshema
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I am here! Was talking to my guy!

September 7, 2005
12:52 am
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Hey ya'll:

Got my bath and am feelin good to go to bed. But, gotta work on this quilt. Have a deadline to keep.

So, anyone still around or did ya'll go to bed?

I had a good night. So nothin to complain about. That's good.

Hope ya'll are well. Will go cruisin for a little bit.

September 7, 2005
12:55 am
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Shaney
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Going to look at that cake one last time before I go to bed... 🙂

Night all, sleep tight.

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