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neshie's Saturday night
September 11, 2005
1:07 am
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Neshema
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People. People who need people, are the luckiest people in the world...

I need you people.

September 11, 2005
1:57 am
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Shaney
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What the hell, Neshie, my skinny wrestling partner. Read your post on the other thread. Whew - I had great parents too - times have changed and we've been force to change with the times - not always for the better. Things were simpler then, don't you think - not as many expectations and people weren't as selfish - roles were more well difined and people stuck to them. It's frustrating.

But how the heck are you otherwise?
Our friend 22 is having some doubts - I saw that you posted. Hopefully she'll be here 2nite.

September 11, 2005
2:10 am
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hey shaney, love ya dahlink. yeah, what the hell. I don't sound bitter that often, but something brought it out in me....okay, I just picture all the profs I work with reading this site. It pisses me off. I just think half the people who go into psych are looney toons themselves and don't admit it. It always has to be some deep, dark trauma from childhood explaining the bad, selfish behavior in this ME, ME, ME society. I cannot tell you how many times I have met some guy that I thought, "well, this seems like it will be simple enough," and then he starts doing things to mess it up. That is why I am here. It makes me sad and lonely. Then, I see people like 22, and she keeps going back for more. She deserves better, but will she find it out there? Well, I know I have put up with too much from people, but I have cut it off before i got in big trouble. But, like everyone else here, I miss people I shouldn't. My last bf, love of my life, a psych prof, had issues beyond belief, but i gotta give him credit, he is a lot like jigsy. He grew up all alone. Anyway, yeah, sorry u saw me in angry mode.

September 11, 2005
2:35 am
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Shaney
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No biggie, Nesh. I'm sure I'll unleash some anger from time to time here too. We have people over right now and I'm taking breaks for the drama here and there to come in and write. It seems a little slow tonight.

September 11, 2005
2:37 am
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Neshema
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way slow...i am working on my promotion and taking breaks reading, but nothing here to read.

September 11, 2005
3:44 am
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bonita1
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Hi Neshie and Shaney! (((((hugs)))))

Just dropping in for a few minutes before I say good night. Neshie! You know I always thought the same thing about Psych majors. My brothers used to tell me to be a psych major in college but I never wanted to. I used to say that being a psych major would lead to me overanalyzing myself and it would make me batty, loony-balloony! LOL
And here you are saying the same thing,

"I just think half the people who go into psych are looney toons themselves and don't admit it."

Too true. So, I majored in Liberal Studies because its the major for people who can't make up their minds!! LOL

Seriously, I wanted to go into teaching so I chose Liberal Studies. I didn't want to be a loony Psych major!

Turns out I'm Co-Dependent. So, if I had become an overanalyzing psychologist, I would have really become battier. LOL!

But, maybe, I wouldn't have made so many mistakes? Who knows???

September 11, 2005
3:51 am
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Nesh,

I'm falling asleep in my chair and ready to slide off into oblivion.

Talk to you and Shaney again, soon!

Good Night! Sweet Dreams!

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz bonbon

September 11, 2005
3:56 am
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Neshema
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bon bon-
u crack me up. I won't tell up u my background! I will just say, I analyze data, not people. One of my best friends is a psych prof...the only person I would trust for advice, but hey, she is my pal. She doesn't believe in co-dependency as a bonafide diagnosis. She says many of us do this in our romantic relationships...the process of attachment-detachment is difficult. Many of us keep going back until we have had ENOUGH. I don't now if codependence is a real diagnosis, just like i thin many psych diagnoses are more of an art than a science. However, i see a lot of people here who just keep self destructing vs lamenting loneliness and lost love. The self-defeating behavior is what really concerns me. Anyway, don't feel bad that you have made mistakes. You have learned and will keep getting better. What bugged me tonight is someone coming in another thread and telling us he stumbled on this site and has a psych background, but a great marriage. Whatever. I can't imagine any credentialed psych doing that. Seems inappropriate for a self-help support group. So, I got pissed and signed my name Neshie, Ph.D. pain is experienced in all walks of life, and i don't give a shit about someone's credentials, including my own.

September 11, 2005
4:04 am
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Neshema
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go read hollow's poem.

September 11, 2005
8:45 am
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mamacinnamon
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Neshie, Neshie, Neshie... 🙂

Had a bit of a burr under the saddle last night... I hope you are well and feeling better today.

I hated not making it to our night crew. Would you believe I slept all night? Wow. Need lots of coffee this am tho.

Have a good day 🙂

September 11, 2005
9:32 am
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hollow
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What Nesh do you think i've wrtten something cryptic and therefore threatening; because that's how you're responding. I've only posted maybe 6 times in two weeks and I don't say more than I need to. I asked if people understood because people often don't. My wife was very young when we married. I took care of her because she was from Spain and couldn't work. Our second Cat had digestion probs. Like her my wife started out sweet and cute. As her nickname is Cat this is a prolonged metaphore on the development of a kitten with the changes that took place in my wife over time. My wife cheated on me in the end and had her boy friend harrass me long after I had moved out of our house, I was arrested when I pursued him, as he wanted having a felony on his record he knew what to do--eviction. With a restraining order she was free to get everything from the house and all the cats and dogs. Part of our probs. resulted from a genetic defect I had, unable to produce a single sperm. When our cat got healthy she went into heat. In the cat world the strongest Tom wins the right to mate. In an apartment complex the nominally most powerful person--though this is more of a joke--is the super or in my, our world, her felon. I do respond to people, most of these have been 1st timers or infrequent users because these people are not so involved yet that they sustain 50 plus entries at a shot with people they already know and which I obviously don't. As a poet I read innuendo pretty well, seems you are representing this site when you wrote to me, also it seems YOU found something offensive in my little poem--understanding more than you admit. I certainly gave YOU no reason to be angry--but your tone was. Art isn't destructive but your response was.

September 11, 2005
3:49 pm
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Neshema
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hollow-

we try to help one another. We cannot do that when you speak in riddles. I do not know if you are talking about your wife or your cat. I am not a mind reader. If you want support, I suggest you just tell us what is going on.

September 11, 2005
3:52 pm
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Neshema
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and hollow, I DO want to support you, and have tried. As I said, I do not understand when you speak in riddles. I think that this site is for support and honest feedback. If you want to write poems, I think you might try the liberation brew site.

September 11, 2005
4:55 pm
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Shaney
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Hey Neshilicious -

How are you this afternoon? We had a few people over last night, so I slept in until 10:30 - I never do that. Now I'm harfing down a cheeseburger, before I go back on my diet tomorrow.

I read the poem, and saw the analogy with the cat and wife thing. I thought it was clever, but it left me feeling a little uneasy, for whatever reason. I can't quite pinpoint why. I guess that it's easier replying to a thread that is asking something specific of the reader - help, advice, comfort.

Anyway, 22 and DDog, if you're out there, let us know how you're doing.

(Neshie, maybe the bf dragged her into that hot tub) Don't make us come and get you 22!

September 11, 2005
5:54 pm
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Neshema
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Shaney, gf-

You know I just adore you! You always make me laugh. Now, one thing wrong with this site (although necessary) is that I cannot connect with you for real. You just crack me up. Okay, first of all, I am worried about 22 as much as you, and I have this sinking (no pun intended, as you know I don't go for riddles) feeling, that we are gonna have to drag her out of that hot tub. I know she is talking to the lame dude. She already said that. He needs to be on NO CONTACT. I don't like that guy one bit. Yet, she sees something in him still. So, 22, don't let him jerk you around! Okay, now that said, I am not one to talk. I took too much crap in the past. SO, I know how easy it is to get lured back.

As for the poem, I just don't get it. I don't like it, and I am exercising my assertiveness about boundaries. Hollow, I am telling you to help you. I have told you so kindly in the past that many women would just love a hot, young, sensitive man, such as yourself. So, I see you as stuck in this self-destruction mode, and I am not here to enable you. If I spend my time when you ask me to mind-read, rather than encouraging you to get clear, I think that is enabling. I think you have a lot to offer the single women of America. So, get back in the world and talk to us clearly. When you do, I am here for you, baby.

Oh, Shanelicious, love the nick name. You are too cute! How am I doing today? Pretty good, for a change? I have not heard from my sort of guy. He was out of town, and I see he is online. Has not called...so, I have not called him. I am sure he is working n his promotion too. I am almost done with mine!!! Woo hoo! I suspect I will hear from him soon, but i am getting tired of his intimacy issues. So, once I am done with this promotion thangy, I am going to the gym, doing my volunteer work, and looking around for someone else. So, I guess I am not happy about him, but whatever...I cannot control it. This site has helped me enormously. What I can do about it, is help others, and that is what I plan to start doing with my life... helping others who are suffering...maybe I can meet some other kind soul while I am at it, or maybe I will just feel good that I did something for a victim. I was a victim of a crime and needed help...now, I can do something about it all.

By the way, I ate entire pizza yesterday and a dove bar! I am gonna be up to a size 2 someday!

Okay, Shaney. You must be so bored reading this! How are you today?

September 11, 2005
6:46 pm
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Shaney
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I'm really lazy today. Bf and I cleaned like maniacs yesterday and went to dinner with our realtor and his wife (GREAT people, btw). We decided to have people over, since we might be moving soon (just 40 miles away), and only a few showed up. I was kind of concerned because my bf, in the past has been known to do drugs when these particular party people are around. That's been our issue, and why I came to this site in the first place. But anyway, bf and I talked about it before the party, who might come, the whole temptation thing, and I have to say I was thrilled with the outcome. Just a few showed up, some did their drugs as usual, but bf stayed clean and didn't even have a drink. I had a couple of glasses of wine, but people were out of here by 1am...which is better than 6am which is what usually happens. It was the first time that we had people over since our big decision not to partake in the drugs. We did great and I'm really happy - so is he.

You're on the east coast, Nesh? I'm way on the other side! I think 22 is out by you. This site has been fun as well as helpful, for sure. I've clicked with a few posters, more than others, and that's fun too. I'm glad we share the same sense of humor - we could really do some damage if we lived closer. I would have to lose some weight for sure so we can wrestle - I'd want it to be fair. 22 can wrestle the winner. Where the hell is that little string bean?

Do you attend church? Tonight, bf and I are going to his niece's baptism. Should be nice.

I just fed the birds outside (I love animals) so I'm watching them hide their peanuts in the ground right now. More people, who need to relax, should feed the birds and watch all their little habits - I fall asleep outside in the lounge chair sometimes! One time I fell asleep outside in the chair and woke up all freaked out because it was pitch dark and I didn't know where the hell I was! Ha! That was freaky.

September 11, 2005
7:03 pm
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Neshema
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Shanester-

I not really on a coast...somewhere between. I am spiritual, and attend somewhere, but it is more for people who are not too extreme. I love all people.

As for your partying, good for you about staying OFF the drugs. NO DRUGS, missy! NONE! I don't mean to preach, but you aint touching them. I am not coming there to bail u out of jail. Furthermore, you stay away from people who do them...understand? They are a bad influence. What is this business hanging out with druggies and then going to church? Pick one or the other. Yeah, I am gonna wrestle you and take you down. I am very strong, by the way for a tiny thang. You don't need that sh*t in your house. You don't need those people in your house. They hang around other people who do worse sh*t, and sooner or later it is gonna bite you in the ass. Decide your values, and stick with others who are stick with others who are going to make it easy for you. I don't have any friends who do drugs. Stay away from that crap. Sorry if this makes you mad. You already took a huge step by deciding not to use them yourself. Now, just cut it out of your life altogether. Believe it or not, there is entire culture out there that has nothing to do with any of that, and we still have a lot of fun, without the worries. Neshie

September 11, 2005
7:06 pm
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String bean??? All 112 lbs of me will wrestle your skinny ass anytime you want!! Lol. I am here. I read some of the posts but it is hard to keep up when you haven't been on in a bit. I am doing ok. NO red flags just tormenting myself with the past. Hows everyone doing on this beautiful Sunday evening?

September 11, 2005
7:18 pm
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Neshema
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22-

Where ya been?

September 11, 2005
7:20 pm
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22haha
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Mama- if your here tonight I read what you wrote in my other thresad. He has not shown any red flags but I keep bringing up the past on my own and it makes him go crazy. He doesn't know how to handle my crying and what he calls "attacking". I guess it is hard not to think of things and to be caring when I am still hurting. He keeps saying that until he gets help he doesn't know how to react or act any other way. He is trying - I can tell. I guess I am just being code when this happens? I'm really confused on this. Will he be the one to help me get over the past or do I have to do it on my own? Is he at all responsible for the pain he has caused?

September 11, 2005
7:23 pm
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22haha
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Nesh - Had a stag/stagette last night. It was a group one - all were invited. I won a huge basket filled with wines (jealous shaney?) and glasses, placemats etc. It was a lot of fun. I went alone!!! I hung out with the bf(?) a bit too yesterday. We went for a long walk (a change for us) it was nice. I have just been trying to figure out what the heck I am doing. How are you sweetness? By the way - an entire pizza? Where do you find the room in that tiny body? You got a secret storage compartment that we don't know about?

September 11, 2005
7:39 pm
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Neshema
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22-

I don't know how I ate all that, but I ate nothing but a piece of toast today so far.

Someone in another thread said something like, "why do we go to the abuser for comfort?" Good question. Why do we expect the bf who is hurting us to help us? I have always found that a guy who is hurting me doesn't respond well to crying...just makes it all worse...seems like they don't know how to handle it. I think they feel worse about themselves, which is why they were being jerks in the first place. I doubt he will be the one to help you get over your pain. Your relationship with him is what resulted in your pain.

It would take a major shift in his personality for things to change and stay that way. I know that is not what you want to hear. I just know this from years of trying to fix things with other people, hoping they will come around, and having a close gf who is an renowned expert on the topic.

Hugs, Neshie p.s. know that the shanester and I have been thinking of you and care.

September 11, 2005
7:50 pm
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Nesh - I know you two have been thinking of me, you guys area great. I am not trying to fix him this time. I know he and I both have appts. coming up and I am just curious how they eill go and what will be said/done. I have talked to him indepth about the naked girls etc and both him and his close friend said they were no where near the hot tub when any of that was going on. His friend is a dear sweet guy who I trust entirely. I guess sometimes I blow things up in my head to be bigger than they are. Still, the fear is so embedded in me I don't know what to do.

How is your arthritis today? Gosh.. that must be tough. I work with my hands so that would be career ending for me if I had trouble with my hands. Any word yet form the intimate chicken?

September 11, 2005
8:02 pm
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Nesh - I will be back in a bit (10ish) hope you'll be around.

September 11, 2005
8:04 pm
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Neshema
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22-

funny, no word from the "intimate chicken." I am grumpy about it!!! I see he is back in town. I am sure he will call sooner or later when he needs a friendly voice....it has become a phone relationship lately. I realized he hasn't even kissed me since july! Loser. He doesn't even count at this point...ah, but we have our promotions as the excuse.

Thanks for asking about the arthritis. I am taking the prednisone today. Not feeling as bad as yesterday. I am really tired and am chained to my desk until I finish this promotion crap. It is such a drag.

I have to admit, I was impressed that I read your bf helped out with 9-11. You know, sometimes we only hear one side of the story on here. So, I don't know for sure he is a creep.

Okay, I scared Shaney away with my lecture on drugs... Shaney, come back!

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