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Neshie's Night- Wed
September 8, 2005
12:25 am
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part of getting better 22 is not concentrating on his addiction. his problem. i am working on me. he is making some effort to spend time with me lately. sober. surprising too. i have this rule on fridy if he isn't here by 7, sober, then i go visit friends or family. (when i am not working booster store at football games)i have got used to visiting and really like it. working the store at the games has helped me out tremendously. i know i am socially stunted from being bymy self for so long. when some of the police started winking and flirting with me i was shocked, pleased, shocked,..but i have realised they are playing and i am learnign to loosen up somewhat

September 8, 2005
12:31 am
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L&F- good. Keep focusing on yourself as that is really all you can do. I love the rules. That is so smart. I am glad you are getting out and having more of a social scene. It will get easier and easier the more you do. Hang in there and keep reminding yourself you are doing great.

Good night ladies, hope you all sleep well.

September 8, 2005
12:32 am
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mamacinnamon
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L&F:

Good for you getting out and leaving him behind. Sounds like you have a good plan. Work it. Never hurts to have friends in the right places. Might need a favor one day, or if called into a scene they will already know you. No point to prove then.

September 8, 2005
12:37 am
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good night 22. i wish you sweet dreams and a easy day tomorrow.

September 8, 2005
12:38 am
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mamma- i just feel like i am in limbo alot lately. is this part of getting better?????

September 8, 2005
12:43 am
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mamacinnamon
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Sleep well 22.

yes, I remember alot of limbo. It's like the black cloud has lifted and when you finally get to the point of getting back into the world everybody is doin their thing and you just don't know what to do. You said the kids are doin better also. When my evil x finally left that cloud lifted and my kids were totlly different little people. So happy, laughed, screamed, played. I did too. You said you are still living w/him. Is he throwin a fit about your moving on and having a life?

September 8, 2005
12:56 am
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mamacinnamon
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Ladies I'm gonna turn in also. Missed CPT again tonight. Sorry CPT could not stay up that late. Need my blood levels checked again. Next Tuesday.

Ya'll sleep well and have a good night.

L&F You're doin great. Keep it up.

September 8, 2005
12:57 am
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actually no he isn't.he asks me what i am doing and what i want out of like alot- i tell him just to be happy. i think he surrendered...he used to pout- i got on the phone. he used to hollor- i refused to participate. he tried belittleing me- my anser was just because you say it doesn't make it true and it makes you look stupid. he quit. he stayed out all night- i didn't notice. he quit that. i just don't react to him anymore. if we have plans and he backs out at the last minute, i go alone and have a good time. what ever...he calls me on my cell everytime i work the booster store and trys to talk me into leaving and doing something with or for him. don't work. kinda funny to me. he asks me what my plans for the week are, i say same as yours i suppose.
(dilberatley vaque) he tried getting rides to the games and then riding home with me. i put a stop to that. i like to stay afterwords and talk to the other people volunteering. sometimes he talks about his drinking problem, i hand him an aa card and walk off. he talked about being drpressed,i gave him the number to mental health and left. i work for him. he threatend to fire me. told him to get a good lawyer. that ended that. i mean what else can he do????

September 8, 2005
1:03 am
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neshema are u still up?

September 8, 2005
1:08 am
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mamacinnamon
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L&F:

I truly wish I had known the tactics you took. WONDERFUL!!. I read how strong you are. I would have fallen into the game. Bless you honey. You should teach classes on how to not react. You've got it down.

September 8, 2005
1:13 am
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thankyou very much mama. it took years of stupidity on my part to finally get here. and giving up . and not caring as much any more. for the first time in years he actually looks at me and i mean really looks. i have definitely got his attention. even when that isn't my intention.

September 8, 2005
1:13 am
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mamacinnamon
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L&F:

Gonna use your post above on another thread. Thank you. It's the new person, can't remember the name of the thread. You'll know it when you start reading it.

Again Thanks.

September 8, 2005
1:15 am
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mamacinnamon
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Stupid question for you L&F.... Have you ever thought he might leave you for standing up to him like that? Just curious and could you tell me why?

September 8, 2005
1:17 am
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mama- ok. maybe it will help someone else. i mean , i have tried everything else in teh world over the years. the last is the only thing that has ever worked. maybe because it is for me.

September 8, 2005
1:25 am
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yea, i have thought about him leaving me and i know he could at any time. but it isn't worth it to me to give up my life to keep him anymore. i read the boundries book over and over for months, and it says that a user will and can leave if they don't get their way. when i got over the fear of him leaving i started practiceing boundries for me.
i have no control over him. if he leave me he is stupid, i mean stupid.
his loss. i want a better, more balanced life. gonna have it one way or the other. what he does will be his choice. either he will grow up or slither out....i can't live with that fear anymore. i deal with one day at a time. i think he controled me for along time with the threat of leaving.

September 8, 2005
1:33 am
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mamacinnamon
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May I ask... What is the boundaries book? I think I need to read it.
thanks

September 8, 2005
1:42 am
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it's called boundaries by cloud/townsend. this is where i started on the path to sanity. it's dog eared, tea stained and looks terrible. everytime i have a bad moment i read something out of it and it makes me calm. i started going out of town and listening to aa meetings too about the same time. that helped me see where he was coming from. and i got on lexapro about the same time. (i think i hit my bottom)

September 8, 2005
1:54 am
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mamacinnamon
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L&F:

Thanks. In my first marriage I hit my bottom, but had nowhere to go up to. No support from folks, ajd everybody thought he was a good guy. Or so I thought. There was no moving up in that marriage.

But, in this marriage... my hubby now is a good guy. He works hard to support us, specially since he is our sole support. But there are things. I'll have my sis pick the book up for me tomorrow. Thanks again.

September 8, 2005
1:59 am
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mama- i am not so tough. after years and years of fighting about our sex life. i finally said fine. you don't want to include me then leave me out all together. he did. bout killed me at first. it's been almost four years. what will probably happen is i will eventually leave ....for this reason. i still have a hard time accepting the fact that he is so selfcentered. and selfish.

September 8, 2005
2:06 am
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mamacinnamon
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I understand. Hard row to hoe isn't it. But we persevere.

September 8, 2005
2:09 am
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cpt1212
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Hello, everyone. Can't stay long tonight, but I keep missing everyone and wanted to say hello

September 8, 2005
2:25 am
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mamacinnamon
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Hey CPT still here.

Give Jigs a prayer. She's not well. Sent her to wake gramma.

September 8, 2005
2:27 am
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cpt1212
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Yes, I am still here. I say a prayer of Jigs every night. I am very glad she has you to talk to.

How are you and your daughter?

September 8, 2005
2:30 am
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mamacinnamon
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I'm doin good.

My daughter is good also. Not doin much talkin about the surgery, but when she asks questions she gets answers and it's "no big deal". We'll see about next Monday or Tuesday if she starts gettin antsy.

How are you yourself?

September 8, 2005
2:32 am
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cpt1212
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I am fine. weds and thurs. are my days off of work. I have been relaxing instead of taking care of things that need to be done, but . . .I guess that is what days off are for.

How are you?

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