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nervous about wedding
January 26, 2007
2:57 pm
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jewel
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I am getting married in may and I am getting so nervous. Even over the wedding shower. I am afraid that I will mess up the vows or I will faint. I could anti-anxiety pills, but as of late they don't seem to be working. I am not worried about the actual marriage. If we went to the justice of the peace, I would be a tad bit nervous, but not how I am feeling now. There are only going to be 10 people present. They are our immediate families. I am so nervous. The wedding is in about 3 and a half months. Why am I nervous now?

Jewel

January 26, 2007
5:34 pm
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Anonymous
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I wrote on your other thread before I read this one. I think that if so few people are coming and that makes you nervous it could be because these people mean a lot to you. Maybe just in the way of pressure because you want to please them all. You cant. You need to please yourself. Its your moment. I dont believe that should be unpleasant to anyone. But if you know someone can dig at you cause for whatever reasons (against the wedding, it cost too much, who pays) remember its your moment. Allow yourself to say "excuse me" I need to check something with the caterer, I need to arrange those flowers, I need to go to bathroom, somebody seems to need help...

Did you see High School Musical where Troy says to the pianist she´s the leader, the authority? Well, you are, this moment is yours, dont let people push your buttons! My grandmother used to grab me by the arm to pull me to sit and talk to her in social occasions because she liked nobody. I think I let her reaching for my arm a few times. It felt so good. Why couldnt she stand to be alone and quiet for a while? And why did I need to comply to her neurosis? I understood. There are times Im terrified of being alone. Like when Im at a big dinner table alone afraid some guy may come and invite me to dance out of pity. So I decided to avoid these occasions. I dont think its nice to be with people who leave me alone and can´t wait to go dance until a couple comes back to the table. Im too old for those kind of acquaintaces.

(((Jewel)))

January 26, 2007
6:28 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I was a nervous wreck at my wedding. I hardly remember it I was so afraid that I would mess up or somethng would happen. Just smile and try to treasure every good thing. very soon the guests go home, the presents are open and thank you cards written and then you and your man can settle down and live your new life.

January 26, 2007
7:18 pm
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jewel
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Thanks both tiger trainer(interesting name-I like it) and siniho. I will just live the moment. I will try to forget that they are even there and block it out. You are right siniho about caring so much about everyone there. If they were strangers, that wouldn't matter as much to me. Tiger trainer, did you shake or anything when you said your vows and have a lot of anxiety?

I would love to stay on this site, but feel the need to leave. Read "should I end my life" and you will see why I am leaving. I feel like I am selfish and worthless. And my mom always said that I am the most thoughtful and caring person out there. Thanks for the replies.

Jewel

January 26, 2007
8:35 pm
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taj64
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Like anything in life getting married is one of those big steps. It is perfectly ok to be nervious and have cold feet. I for one do not think you are selfish or worthless. I think it is pretty amazing that you are getting married. I think you should not leave at all that you are inspiration to me and you give me hope with the fact that you are going through this amazing endeavor of getting married despite your obstacles. It truly is wonderful to see. It shows great character and strength. And I wish you the best.

January 29, 2007
2:52 pm
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jewel
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taj64,

You are such a sweetheart. Your post made me feel very good about myself. I do consider myself stong in certain ways. I survived a bad childhood, a rape, alcohol and drug dependency, bipolar, and depression and anxiety. Oh, and I quit smoking after doing so for 7 years. I am looking forward to the wedding, but I am still nervous. I am the kind of person that the anticipation of something will make me worry but the actual event is usually just fine. Probably just like this. Thanks again for your nice post.

Jewel

January 29, 2007
3:56 pm
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balancesekr
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hi jewel,
Sounds like you just may have some stage fright. I have never been married, but I know that whenever I talk in front of a group of people, my entire face turns RED within .02 seconds.

Also for me, I awfulize stuff, even when it isn't that bad, maybe you are feeling some of that. I do it because things were messed up in my past so upcoming events tend to scare the crap out of me.

You have overcome so many difficult situations and have survived. I think it is normal to panic a bit right now.
b

January 29, 2007
4:43 pm
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just remember that it's the day that matters and how much you love your intended. It might not go completely smoothly but enjoy the day. AND enjoy right now. YOU are the bride to be. that's a wonderful time in your life.

January 29, 2007
8:25 pm
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jewel
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Balance,

You are so right. I am afraid to speak in front of people. It wouldn't matter what I was saying. Tiger, you are right. It is my time to be happy.

Love,
Jewel

January 29, 2007
10:12 pm
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truthBtold
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jewel,

Here's a suggestion.....just try concentrating for only a minute (30 seconds....) on what you like to go "right" with your wedding instead of fretting what MIGHT go wrong.....if even for a few seconds..........Ahhhhhh......isn't that better????

Warm and fuzzies all the way around......

You WON'T mess up your vows.....you WON'T faint....and hell - just think of all the great gifts you'll get at the shower...simply from being JUST YOU and all the people there who only want to wish you well!!!!

Have you registered anywhere? Now is the time to really rack up those gifts - he he 😉

I'd register for some primo sheets and towels....and turkish bathrobes along with loads of high quality candles to relax in the bath tub with your new hubby!!!

Hell, why not just treat yourself to a "bride-to-be-jitters" massage - just for the hell of it!!!!!

YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!

January 30, 2007
3:18 pm
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jewel
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Truth,

Your post gave me a little chuckle. I was wondering what to register for since we already set up house. We have a very small place here now so maybe I could register for new items that could be replaced in the future. I am having a small shower. My fiance's side of the family is very small. Only 6 people and I don't even know if they are all going to come. I also have guests from out of town that I know aren't coming, but it isn't fair to not invite one aunt and not the other. What are some good things to register for that anyone can think of? And any good bridal games out there? Now I am in the spirit. Thats truth!!!! Now I am not so nervous. I guess whatever happens, happens. I will just let life happen and leave it at that.

Jewel

January 30, 2007
4:41 pm
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truthBtold
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jewel,

Glad to hear that you aren't so nervous anymore!!! That's great.

When one of my good friends got married, it was a second marraige for the both of them and they already had alot of the stuff that you would normally get at a shower - so I threw her a "Lingerie Party."

It was a huge success. I made the invitations myself because I couldn't find any that I liked and included her size in the invitation.

For their wedding gift, I got them a luxury set of white sheets - which they told me they really liked.

So, in situations where a crock pot or iron or something isn't really applicable - I say go for the luxury items that you normally wouldn't buy for yourselves. I think that Bed, Bath & Beyond might have a registry.....they have some really cool stuff!!!!!

White Goose Down pillows are great if you aren't allergic - so are big, fluffy bath sheets.

Just think......"Luxury!!!!" 😉

January 31, 2007
2:32 pm
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taj64
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Jewel it is really great to see you so excited these days and enjoying what you should be enjoying. I just love Target.

January 31, 2007
9:46 pm
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jewel
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Taj64,

I am getting excited. I have been shit on for most of my life so for once I should just sit back and enjoy the ride. I love Target too. I think I am going to register at bed, bath, and beyond. I love their stuff. I started making a list of things that we need. I came up with more than I thought and once I start walking through the store, I am sure I will want everything. As rule of thumb, how much is the normal amount of money that a person spends on a gift? Like if I registered for something that was $40, is that asking for too much. A lot of items are cheaper, but I always thought that people could pitch in together to pay for a gift. I usually spend $50. If I am having financial problems, then $20. That is just me. If I were rich, I would shower the person with gifts. I just love buying for others.

Anyone know of any other items that you normally wouldn't think of that I could register for? I am trying to look into the future when we no longer live in this small trailer. For two people with a lot of stuff, we are crammed. I have like just about every kitchen item you can think of, but I guess I could ask for nicer ones to replace the ones I have because someday they will get old. If anyone can thing of anything, let me know. Thanks in advance.

Jewel

February 1, 2007
3:38 am
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thetbeav
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Hi Jewel,

I'm a wedding photographer, and let me tell you I see this first hand ALL the time! You're not alone. Most brides freak out NOT because they are getting married, but because they have to stand in front of people and be the center of attention. It's totally normal to be nervous. Try to reprogram your mind to remember how special the day is for YOU and your fiance. In the end, you guys will have each other and that's what is most important. It's supposed to be one of the best days of your life so try to take in the moment for what it is and treasure it.

Please let me know if you need any pointers with any last minute planning! Good luck!

February 1, 2007
8:24 pm
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jewel
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Thet,

I didn't even hire a professional photographer. We don't have the money. Everyone that attends will be taking pictures during the ceremony and we are going to do different poses on a digital camera. That way we can see what it looks like before saving the pic. Any tips on pics during sunset. I am getting married at 7pm and the sunsets at 8:01pm so it will be getting dark. You are right about people being more afraid of being in front of all the people than the actual ceremony itself. That is what I am nervous about. I will just let it happen. Thanks for the post.

Jewel

February 1, 2007
8:29 pm
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jewel
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I have state issued health insurance and once we get married, I will more than likely lose it due to making to much money between the two of us. I emailed the reverend who is marrying us and he said that he would allow a commitment ceremony. Are you still pronounced husband and wife? Has anyone had this done before? I just have really good insurance with dental and vision. I need 2 root canals and fillings. I couldn't afford those without this insurance or for any of my meds for anxiety, bipolar, and depression. Is this a good idea to do? Should I keep it from people except for immediate family? I don't want everyone to know that I might be doing this. I just want to get married and be done with it and live happily ever after. I just need me insurance for my disorders. Otherwise, I could end up ending my life. you just never know.

Jewel

February 1, 2007
8:36 pm
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truthBtold
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jewel,

I think, generally, the rule of thumb for registering for gifts is not uncommon to have a range between $20 to $50 dollars. That pretty much encompasses everyone's budget, to my mind.

Throw a little "less-expensive" suggestions in there for those who really can't afford too much - but will feel good that they were able to cross something off of your list as well as the more expensive gifts for those more blessed.

I am so excited that you are excited!!!!!

Shoot - for those who are really strapped for cash....you could do something a bit more unconventional and ask for prose or poetry.

Another great thing at a wedding is to have an album or a picture already made up....and ask the guests to write something in there....kind of like the old school "Year-book" idea. Costs nothing - but is immeasurable in sentimentality value and something to look back on during anniversaries.

February 7, 2007
3:30 pm
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jewel
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I am not as nervous anymore. I think my love for my fiance is just so strong that everything will work out. I will just forget that there are people watching and enjoy. I kind of want to get my makeup professional done. I dont really wear makeup, but when I do, it is just a little eyeliner that is very very fine that you can hardly tell, mascara, and a little lipstick. I just want to look beautiful with a touch of blush and for my lashes to look longer and the right foundation put on. I wonder how much that would cost though. Probably a lot.

Jewel

February 8, 2007
2:22 pm
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smarterone
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Jewel, I never heard of a commitment ceremony, what happens if you just add your hubby to your policy. it might be expensive, check it out.
As far as the wedding, the makeup, if you wear a little anyway, why hire someone, but its your day and it is special, do what you want.Im glad this site you wroteis a little more healthier.

February 8, 2007
2:28 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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jewel,

does your husband have insurance? how much would it be to add you to his policy?

any way to get all the dental work done BEFORE the wedding?

as for the ongoing medical bills, I understand your worry...sit down with him and look at the budget, and see if there is money to pay for the doctor bills and meds.

You may save in other ways too...on your federal taxes, on your car insurance, etc...so you may pick up savings that offset the extra you spend on medical insurance.

does your state offer insurance on a sliding fee scale?...I know that where I live, they offer state insurance and you pay a nominal fee based on your income.

do some more investigating before calling it all off...it may not be as bad as it seems.

February 8, 2007
3:29 pm
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I've been waiting till the day before the wedding to buy a wedding gift:

Usually they are registered at a Target or similar store. And I will buy up all the "odds and ends" of their registered wish lists, regardless of the lack of a theme -- so that one ladel, or lamp or dish, etc. that was part of a "set" will not be missing. I've gotten thank yous afterwards that are appreciative of this idea. Too often, the couple just never goes and completes the "set" afterwards themselves.

Request those Good Grip brand potato peelers and cheese slicers -- they make great kitchen tools -- they cost a little more but the handles are comfortable and they are SAFE. Less accidents. Maybe $7-10 apiece?

Request an electric heating pad, or a good pair of scissors -- think of what you have that is aggravating to use, and ask for a NICE version of it! A great big restaurant-style pepper grinder?

Have fun. Enjoy your day, Jewel.

February 8, 2007
3:37 pm
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Bad idea:

Our son at his wedding put an instant camera on each table so people would use them to take snapshots they would not be able to "catch" themselves.

However, a bunch of younger, unattended children discovered the unattended cameras and many of those rolls were just garbage shots the kids took. Sad waste of money to pay to develop them all.

February 9, 2007
10:46 pm
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jewel
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Smart,

A commitment ceremony is when you are getting married like you normally would, but it is not legalized. We would just go to the jp and get married legally when he gets insurance. That way, I won't lose my insurance. By the way, I think I am getting my makeup done professionally. I suck at putting on makeup.

Rising,

My fiance does not have insurance. I have state funded insurance and with both of our incomes combined, we will be over the limit and I will lose my benefits. I need a lot of dental work(yuck) and I go to the doc a lot. I have been in the er like 3 times in the last 2 months. I am starting to recognize their staff which is scary.

Brynnie,

How sweet of you to do that by completing the sets. That is a great idea that couples appreciate. Oh no, sorry to hear about the camera thing. What a shame. One thing I did register for was a shower pillow. This is for my bridal shower. What is the difference between a wedding and bridal shower. I am having the thing where there is all women. We are going to have a reception in the summer sometime so should we register again? I am a little confused.

February 10, 2007
1:04 am
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jewel
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Can anyone tell me what the difference between a bridal shower and a wedding shower is? Or are they the same thing? I am hoping may 15(our wedding date)will be the best day of my life, besides our engagement date.

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