
12:02 am

September 29, 2010

Hi, It's me... Im having a frustrating week with anxiety, not working no interviews coming up, health issues, and my husband seems to be getting on ALL of my nerves latley.. being snippy, and just so negative about everything fro mhow much the movie I rented sucked, to how stupid everyone he works with is, to how shitty the song on the radio is, to how dinner was ok, but wouldve bee nbetter if...., and beingthe STUBBORN peson that he is who loves an arguement, or to push a point too far for too long, I havent been responding to his negativity, BUT I will hear about "the puss on my face."
I think i may just be getting menstral, and hypersensitive, but He is pissing me off these days, and of course I am pissed about his binge about 2 weeks ago, He hasnt addressed it, or made any kind of actions to get into a Fing NA meeting, Or something... Hes just going about his routine, acting like nothing happened, and I find that offensive.... I needed to vent, and Im too tired and not feeling well to try and talk to him about it, becasue he gets defensive, negative, and starts in on me, and I do not have the energy to deal with his crap tonight.. (he is at work because its snowing where i am and he is a mechanic for the BIG state plow trucks and whatever else he can tinker with...) SO, I guess I'll make some herbal tea, do some "breathing" and try to pray before i fall asleep... IF i can sleep... thanks for listening ( or reading)
8:04 am

September 27, 2010

I am sorry you are having a bad time. Don't ya just want to but a bag on their heads once in awhile to shut them up. Not a good idea coz then they couldn't go to work and bring home money. lol. Wouldn't trade mine for the world, but there are nights as you described. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. lol. Just say "how bout that". lol
8:13 am

September 29, 2010

9:15 am

September 29, 2010

Thanks you guys... i needed that... Im having a rough patch, and it semms to be lingering, but Ive managed to be "positive, and optimistic all throughout the last year, aside from a few "moments" like these here and there.. Those days where I feel like just nothing is going right, and being hypersensitive and emotional about it all... When I was getting emotioonal last night, he just told me to check my blood (diabetic, and IF i'd taken My prozac in the past couple days.....
I felt like saying, YES, YOURE justbeing an ASS!! but then i remembered I didnt take it, so i went in the kitchen grabbed a glass of water, adn threw it in my mouth with a vengeance, and "a look" like I was 15 and full of bratty angst again, and I LAUGHED, until i cried... Ive been a little weepy this morning as well, but It was partailly becaseu something Ihad on top of the couch came crashing down on my head... I was balling, Mostly from the shock, then the PAIN, then just feeling helpless, useless, and like I cant even sit on the couch right... As Isit here and type it all out ,I can almost smirk, at how silly I sound... I think I better put on some silly ass music, and dance around the apartment today, HOPEFULLY, i wont trip over my own feet, or trip over absolutely NOTHING, ( I dont know HOW I MANGAE to do that one ,but it happens often.... OH well...
THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!
Maybe I'll open that bottle of wine MY husband got @ christmas time from someone?????
11:08 am

September 30, 2010

11:08 am

September 27, 2010

Addict's wife:
lol. It's so not funny, but I can so relate. If I miss my afternoon meds within 2 hours I'm a bomb ready to explode. I have problems w/ remembering anyway, but when hubby gets home and calls me on it just makes me want to bag his head. I do like you...grab em {the pills} quick and try to not say anything. I so empathize.
12:53 pm

September 29, 2010

Camer, and Mama......... Your kinds words have given me warm fuzzies~~~ 🙂
Of course, i had no ambition this morning, and made it from the bed... to the VORTEX (< that's what i named my couch during week 2 of my being fired...) and got hit in the head by this heavy neck massager thing that i use for my herniated disk, and "frozen shoulder)
ANYWAy... Now that ive woken up... i realize that having that F-ing thing bop me on the head SHOULD NOT have been interpreted as 'being kicked when Im down".. But rather i kick for motivation........ I geard this wonderful thing (on TV , unfortunaltely.. from the Starting over show...) THis woman said "Dont do anything to devalue or dishonor yourself, and the only way to truly get what you want is to get rid of what you don't want........"
WOW!!!! I Loved that and will tell it to myself. Im on my way t omake a pot of coffee, and take ALL my meds!!! and Im also aaiting a phone call from a docotr who is going to give me some Lab resuls, So, I am very nervous about hiat, but will at least feel better after the coffee, and cleaning up some clutter here.!!! Thank you SOOO nuch for being here.. I am so grateful to be heard.
2:48 pm

September 29, 2010

HI....
Well I got the call from my doctors office in regards to my lab work... All the medical assistant said was that Dr. wants to make a follow up appointment first thing monday morning...... and because I haveworked in 3 doctors offices as a medical assistant, I kNOW darn well that "they found something" in my lab work, becasue IF it was "nothing" they would have simply said that, and not made me go to the office, ESPECIALLY knowing I am presently unemployed, and uninsured....SO, I have ALLL WEEKEND to sit, pace, and ponder if I have arthritis, Lyme Disease or the 2 other things they tested for that i cannot remember!!!!
I decided to call my husband and not perpetuate the tone of our tension filled week, and share the "almost" news, and just tell him that I have bee nstruggling all week(if not onger) with "what iswrong with my body, my employment issues,and that he 'bunged" a few weeks ago, that Im just hurting. and he started with "well... Ive uh noticed" and we both kinda laughed, and he said well, jenn, Think of it as excellent that they DID find something, becasue NOW they can treat it, and fix ya' up.. instead of just shaking their heads, remedicating you, and telling you they just dont know" and the nhe said "now that you got that call, you can go get the F*&^ outta the house, go do something t omake yourself feel better, and DO NOT go looking every medical condition up on the internet!!!" 🙂
Of course , i DID already look p Lyme disease, and arthritis.. andfound myself chuckling 1/2 like a 10 year old BRAT, and 1/2 like "he's right, get outta here" So, I came here to vent some more, finish my coffee, and give myself a destination so I dont just go driving aimlessley and end up 2 states away... (Ive doone that B4):$
So, Im here, In my underwear, cigarette, and coffee, trying to s-l-o-w my racing ADD brain down a little.. Thanks for listening!!!!! 🙂
"HAPPY FRIDAY, dammitt!!"
3:43 pm

September 29, 2010

6:02 pm

September 29, 2010

Well, Iwent shopping... I got a top on sale for 8 bucks, a pair of pants for 14, and a cute pair of shoes that i wouldnt normally have gotten myslef, but they were on sale too... Now i couldnt afford to do this, but I really couldnt afford not to either...Im gunn atake a lonnnnggggggggggg hot shower, shave my fuzziness(everywhere) and "put on my face" then I m gunna make dinner ,and do the dishes... (fun Friday nite, eh??) well, I brushed myself off, and Im hoping to exude some positivity arind here, so, wish me luck!!!!
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