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Needy Person
April 25, 2009
7:04 pm
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ladylost
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I am hoping to get some advice on what I can do to lesson my need for attention,recognition,validation,etc from just about anyone I know or see. My dh says I am an empty pit of need-what can I do? We are on the verge of divorce because of it and I don't want our children to go thru that and am needing some ideas. Can anyone relate??
I had a loving childhood home with both parents that are supportive and encouraging. I don't know why I am this way and am lost as to what to do. Any advice/insight would be appreciated.

April 25, 2009
8:07 pm
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CAMER
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how are you needy?? do you need the love and affection, and reassurance?? could this be insecurity??? why do you think you feel this way??

April 27, 2009
9:35 am
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ladylost
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I am not happy or have confidence in myself unless I hear it from my dh or my children. so I am constantly asking him to notice when I do things for him and to acknowlege when I've taken care of the family, etc. He says that those activities are my normal responsibilities and he doesn't feel like he should have to thank me. There's also a history where he feels he's been thanking and giving for most of our marriage and I haven't given-only taken.
I've had self worth issues since my school days but that was 15 years ago! I thought I had outgrown them. We've moved far away from my parents/siblings and I haven't made any good friends,etc so I'm totally dependent on my family to confirm my usefulness.
I just want to keep my marriage/family from falling apart-

April 27, 2009
9:52 am
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CAMER
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why not start getting outside into the real word....find some hobbies, maybe take a class, and know that you are worthy.

If you isolate yourself with just your family & hubby, i think that is all the confidence you will get from them. Maybe build it up within yourself, feel good about you, join
some classes, or even go to the library or a park (if you have pets to walk)...the more you get out into the real world, the more you will feel worthy and not depend somuch on the hubby "lifting" you up.

Why did you move so far from friends and family, was this his idea, yours or both??

April 27, 2009
10:04 am
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penny lane
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Ladylost

I ask the same question...why did you move so far away from family and friends? Was it job related or did your husband want you isolated?

If you children are in school during the day...get out into the community ..perhaps take a class..or give time to a local charity..or...find something to do that you have always dreamed of doing...take charge of your life.

I know my ex moved me to a location very far from where we grew up...the desert...when my children were in full time school..I helped at the school...took photography classes at the local college...then joined a group that spear headed the building of a new school in our area..great learning experience plus it gave me a sense of pride and accomplishment and allowed me to see I have skills never revealed before..

If you have to work...then dedicate some time to your wants and needs...your children will see that it is important to take time for oneself..remember..you are the example.

Good Luck...

April 27, 2009
11:06 am
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ladylost
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We moved due to lack of work for my dh in our previous city-he has some family here as well. I am currently looking for work and want to find other outside activites but feel guilty and am told by by dh that I am selfish and putting other things ahead of my family. He thinks that when I get involved with other friends, etc. I have a tendency to get so caught up in their lives that I will do more for them than him and our children. So I feel stuck-how do go do things for myself so I don't rely on him without him feeling like I've put other things/people ahead of our families needs/plans?

April 27, 2009
11:21 am
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CAMER
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every relationship needs balance...if you balance time for dh, kids, yourself, your needs, a job, friends, hobbies...how can he say you are neglecting the family...everyone needs some type of balance and hobbies and not just the family as the only focus in life.

Do you think someway he is trying to control you on what you should do with your life??

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