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needtoheal...how are you?
November 19, 2006
3:27 pm
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ggfred4
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need, are u here

November 19, 2006
3:40 pm
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lovingmom
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need - Thanks again. It always helps to hear your words of encouragement. It sounds like you're even stronger now. You've come a really long way. Keep being strong.

Ma Strong - Thanks for adding your wisdom to my situation again. In your opinion, do you think he really thinks I'm out looking for someone else or is it just another trick in his huge bag that he's pulling out to control the situation. He has much less control of me and what I do, how I do it, when I do it, but he still has that hold on me, making me think that maybe I shouldn't go back to Al-Anon, just to keep the peace. I WANT to go, but don't want to fight about it, you know?

November 19, 2006
3:50 pm
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needtoheal
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Lovingmom---

You should go to Al-anon because YOU want to go to Al-anon... and he may be pulling this out of his bag of tactics in order to manipulate you more because he is uncomfortable with not being able to control you sweetheart...

November 19, 2006
4:15 pm
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needtoheal
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there are also resources on-line for Al-anon

November 23, 2006
12:03 pm
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lovingmom
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Need - I read in a few places that you are not doing too great. I just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and tell you my thoughts and prayers are with you. I am only on the computer for a few minutes this morning and probably won't be able to check back until some time tomorrow, but just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. Enjoy your day with your boys.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE!!! Have a peaceful day.

November 23, 2006
12:54 pm
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cyndra820
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Hi Loving Mom,

Sorry to intrude on your thread, but I wanted to say thank you for thinking of Need today.

I've been reading but not commenting because other people have much wiser advice than I.

I just wanted to encourage you in your going to Al-Anon. I think your doing that for you does make him uneasy because he knows at some point things are going to change and he doesn't want that.

Have a great holiday.

November 23, 2006
12:56 pm
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StronginHim77
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lovingmom -

In answer to your question above...do I think he really believes you are out looking for other men?

In many cases this is just "projection" on his part. To translate, he is PROJECTING something he, himself, is capable or guilty of..onto YOU, his victim. I remember learning years ago that we only accuse others of what we, ourselves, are guilty of.

This has held true for me in alot of situations.

- Ma

November 23, 2006
2:22 pm
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loverbee
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loving mom, I am going to tell you that the reason he doesn't want you to go is because if you get well, and take care of yourself, there is a good chance you won't want him inyour life and that terrifies him. Also, if you are questioning anything, it is for a reason. Those questions would not come up just because so they are something that should be thought about. Good luck to you and happy thanksgiving.

November 23, 2006
6:57 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks lovingmom for thinking of me... hope you have a great THANKSGIVING with your family..

I went to my parent's house.. My brother (who is not speaking to me) was there with my niece and nephew.. After eating I went upstairs and laid down on the bed for a while.. cuddled up under a blanket. THe boys had a great time with their cousins.. thanks for asking...

November 24, 2006
10:28 am
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lovingmom
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Cyndra - No apologies necessary. I welcome any advice/thoughts/encouragement that anyone can give. Thank you for replying.

Ma Strong - He has always been very good at projecting, very good. I appreciate your response. There is so much I don't know about his late nights out, things I don't even want to know at this point. Anything to keep himself looking "good", right?

loverbee - I completely agree with you. He is scared to death of my mental well-being. He knows that if I see him for what he really is, I'll be gone. So sad really.

Need - Sounds like you had a peaceful day. Nothing better than curling up at mom's house and feeling safe and comforted. Let me know if you need to talk.

November 24, 2006
10:36 am
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lovingmom
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Need - I know you are going through you own stuff right now, but I just wanted to let you know, there's a bit of an update to my story. I started the thread "I think I'm losing the fight, or maybe already lost." If you have a chance, read it. There are some long posts, so I understand if you aren't up to it. Just wanted to let you know.

November 24, 2006
10:45 am
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needtoheal
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THANKS lovingmom... I will go there right now... thanks for thinking of me....

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