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Need~are you around?
November 11, 2006
11:40 pm
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clownface
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Read my post on on NC

November 11, 2006
11:44 pm
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needtoheal
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HI clownface

I will be right there sweetie

November 12, 2006
10:31 am
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Hi Clownface,

I read your post. Don't you just hate the dance? Once I figured it out I stopped dancing.

I see you want to be friends with this man, but I don't think that will be possible until you let yourself heal.

Ma Strong is right, the longer we do it the easier it becomes. It does get more bearable. Then one day we'll wake up and realize we haven't thought about that person in a week, a month, a year. I know it's hard to believe right now, but it does come.

I've not cried in two weeks. If you had told me four weeks ago that was going to be possible, I would have called you crazy. But it did and I'm so very glad it did.

So, the pain will lessen with each day of no contact and you will get stronger.

Love,
Cyndra

PS I know I butted in. I hope you don't mind too, too much.

November 12, 2006
11:00 am
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needtoheal
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Hi clownface--

I will not be here until later on tonight,, stay strong and hopefully we can talk later... i know that we can do this....

love,
need

November 12, 2006
6:48 pm
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clownface
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Hi Cyndra~

Glad you butted in! I needed to hear your thoughts. I appreciate them.

Today has been a better day. I went to church with my oldest daughter and her husband, then out to lunch and to the mall. It really helped to stay busy and out of the house.

"Nit-wit"`called me while I was at the mall. I DID NOT TAKE HIS CALL! He even left a voice message. I HAVE NOT RESPONDED. This is the dance or as I fondly call it the 'push/pull.'

Tomorrow is when I worry about me, b/c I spend so much time in my car alone, that my thoughts go back to him & the memories of the good times.

I am going to attempt to re-channel my thoughts so when I do think of him, they will be replaced by something else. The plan sounds good, not I just have to impliment it!

Need, Cyn, we're all in this together. We deserve better.

November 12, 2006
7:00 pm
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needtoheal
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hi clownface--

I am here ...

I am having such a hard time clownface..

I have to move forward.. trying to change myself-- such as changing the cell phone number, joined a gym today, changed my work schedule so that I am occupied, joined a bowling league.. so I am making improvements.. I have a backslide every time that I speak with him..

IT's crazy.. He said "oh god" when I told him that he was emotionally not there for me when we were together..

he does not want to face the responsibility or accountability of his behavior towards me.. He even referred to me as his mother.. and when I asked him to explain he said that is what his mother says to him...

He said that he is enjoying life without hearing any "garbage'// says that I am too sensitive.. and that we are two different people -- that I am used to having someone around all the time

November 12, 2006
7:06 pm
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needtoheal
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god clownface.. just went to ma strong thread and read your post.. we are so similar.. i can't believe it.. i used to pay for things too..and I do feel that I was taken advantage of...

ma is right about the addiction..

and I do think he is trying to punish me because he seems angry at me ... mentioning that I called his friends losers, saying "oh god" when I said how he treated me, referring to me as his mother, and putting it all on me..

asked him what does he want from me anymore.. i will stay out of his life and he said that we can still talk... but that is keeping this wound open... I can see it right now..

we have to talk clownface.. I cannot believe that we are in a similar situation... i hope to hear from you soon

love,
need

November 12, 2006
7:09 pm
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clownface
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Hi Need:

I completely understand why you are having difficulty today. WE are riding the same wave. I think it is okay to realize and accept that we are going to suffer setbacks. (Read my post on Ma Strong)

I am so good at giving advice, but can't seem to follow my own plan!

You guys are definitely doing the dance. It is such a hard cycle to break. For me, it's an addiction. If I can just hear from him for a moment or two, then I've had my fix. Does thst sound familiar???

It is so hard to go NC. It sounds like your man is having just as much difficulty as you or he is just a master manipulator and is playing you to see you react and keep you in a constant state of upsettedness.

November 12, 2006
7:09 pm
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cyndra820
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Need,

I know you want better. I know you know you deserve better.

This guy seems like he's never had to be responsible for anything in his life. Frankly, he sounds like my biological father. He feels that nothing is his fault. It's ALWAYS

November 12, 2006
7:12 pm
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cyndra820
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Hit the buttong too soon!!

It's ALWAYS someone else's fault. Like the fact I have no respect for him because he walked out when I was four months old and then chose not to have anything to do with me. Yeah, that's my fault.

I've been down the paid for everything route myself. I caluculated it and I could have paid for the course that I am taking to get my certification and had money left over. Does he see this? No. The fact that he lied to his mother to get her to pay for something he WANTED made me see he will use people to get what he wants. He didn't need a $1500 program to help with his self-esteem and focus.

November 12, 2006
7:23 pm
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needtoheal
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Cyndra and clownface--

I am so tired of all of this.. I know that I deserve better.. and I have come to accept that I have to be alone for a while.. I need to heal.. and I want to be healthy again and by talking to the as-hole I am unable to move forward because he is going to be just like my ex-husband and deny that he had any wrongdoing with our relationship.. Is it like deja vo all over again (sorry if I spelled incorrectly.. LL can't bonk me here, can she Cyndra?)

November 12, 2006
7:35 pm
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clownface
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Oh Need!

I want to be better too.

MY BIGGEST FEAR--WHAT IF THE NEXT ONE ISN'T BETTER, BUT WORSE? At least with Nitwit,(it'll be 7 yrs in April--you'd think we'd get it right by now) I know most of the time we enjoy the same things. My age is a big concern too. I am not a youngin' here!

It's when he goes Jeykll or Hyde that I loose it. I am such a giver and he is such a taker.

How many more chances am I gonna get here at this relationship thing? I know it sounds like I am settling, but reality is what it is.

Need, I think you are young enough to move on and find someone worthy of all you have to offer. I can tell you are a very loving person b/c it comes across when you speak of your boys : )

November 12, 2006
7:36 pm
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cyndra820
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Need~ I won't let LL bonk you!:-)

We ALL deserve better. The people in our lives who mistreated us are not worthy of our love or friendship. I have to remind myself of that.

It is hard sometimes. He was such an integral part of my life. I talked to him almost every day. But I realize he didn't give me much. Sometimes we spent entire conversations talking about him, his needs, and his wants. It was almost like I didn't exist. That's not what I want in a relationship.

I wrote that God Himself would have to pay me a visit to get me to go back to FIB. I am not worried about that happening. I'm sure He has better things to do.

Need and Clownface~ No Contact is a process. How we get there is our own journey, but we will get there and be better for it. I tell you, peace of mind is so nice!!!

November 12, 2006
7:50 pm
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clownface
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Cyn~

Yeah, the Steelers won! What a game!

Did you live with your ex? I did. Moved out about 2 months ago for the upteenth time. However, this time, I bought my own house, so I would have a financial comittment and I COULDN'T go back to his place. I loved his home, it was my home for over 3yrs. For all it's loveliness, it brings me so much pain to go around.

The holidays are going to be tough b/c we decorated his home so beautifully. I have no decorations for my home. I am gradually buying a few things.

Sad part about no contact is, that is EXACTLY what my ex responds to. His ego can't take the no control. Have you read the book: Why Men Love Bitches? Makes for good reading!

November 12, 2006
7:54 pm
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needtoheal
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Cyndra and Clownface...

I know that this is a process and I think that by opening the door a crack was the opprtunity to see the reality... that He is not going to change and also for me to see that I would not want him in my life.. that I do not deserve to have someone like that with me or with my boys.. I went through this before with the ex-husband who I was with for a long time.. and then got involved with this man... like cyndra, he was an integral part of my life-- filled the void of my emptiness ... and we talked every day... many times in one day and that was NOT all me reaching out to him.. Peace of mind is so nice.. Now when he cannot call me every morning I am able to enjoy the kids-- get them ready for school and then get ready for work.. He used to call me back before I left for work.. now I have some calmness and I have to admit it feels so good.. that is why I am so proud of myself for changing the cell #.. now i don't check the phone or look for text messages anymore. I am starting to live my life for ME..

thanks clownface for your kind words. I am the giver.. and like NIMWHIT, pond scum was a taker too.. It was an imbalance in our relationships... whenever there is an imbalance it leaves gives an opportunity for someone to have strength and the other becomes weaker... THat iS NOT LOVE...

Did I tell you about the book How to BReak An Addiction to A Person

It is not in front of me right now but I will get it and post some things, ok///

be back soon

Hope we can continue to talk...

love you both and I do appreciate all of your support... I want to help too

November 12, 2006
8:18 pm
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needtoheal
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you know what I could do... change my home phone number since i am having difficulty in blocking his number...i will have to check into it tomorrow and maybe I can change phone providers...
I did not want to change the number because of the boys but if that is what I have to do then that is what I will do if I feel that I am not strong enough...

November 12, 2006
8:20 pm
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cyndra820
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Need~ If you feel you need to change your number, then do so. He has no right to contact you or take up space in your head any longer. Got that, kiddo? If he wants to rent space in your head tell him it's $250,000 per square centimeter. That ought to send him packing!!! LOL

November 12, 2006
8:25 pm
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needtoheal
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CYndra-- You are sooo funny.. that was a good one.. lol

hey cyndra-- interested in ordering from the boy's restaurant..sloppy joe's

they just put the menu in my mailbox.. we have envelopes outside our bedroom for mail that we exchange.. we've had this since before they could write

November 12, 2006
8:46 pm
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cyndra820
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Tell the boys I want one of those $5 hamburgers with mayo and tomoatoes. If they have shakes I'd like to have a strawberry one or a Diet Coke.

Oh, they have to deliver to Maryland!! LOL

(((ClownFace)))
(((Need)))

I'm going to go now. I'll say goodnight and I will talk to you both tomorrow.

Love,
Cyndra

November 12, 2006
9:06 pm
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needtoheal
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good night Cyndra..

I will certainly put in the order for you.. thought i would share the positive side of my life with you as well... sweet dreams my sister.. i love you and thanks for everything

November 13, 2006
2:00 am
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clownface
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Need:

Your story about your boys brought a smile to my heart. Thank you for sharing their innocence and purity. How sweet their little restaurant sounds. Tell Jake he's got an order to go---I'll take the works!

Rest well, Need and Cyndra

Love, Clown : )

November 13, 2006
7:58 am
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needtoheal
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Clown-- thanks ... they are now in business... works to go...

Good morning, clown...

I hope that today you are feeling well.. I am hoping to have a better day... I do feel better that I won't be talking with him so that does ease my nerves...
If you read what Ma Strong has written about her own recovery, it does makes sense.. the blaming/porjection only gets worse.. that was the way it was with my ex-husband when we separated...

pond scum just wants to point his fingers at me... I am the one who is too sensitive(like he is allowed to emotionally abuse me, I cannot have any feelings at all??),he does not want to take any bit of responsibility for the demise of this relationship... but yet he still wishes for us to talk.. why? because he does not have anyone else and just two friends ...
Now I am rambling..

I hope that you have a good day and hope to see you post soon

thinking of you
NEED

November 13, 2006
8:04 am
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Just read your thread and wanted you to know that I will praying for you through your situation as I myself am going through my own (Cut Deeply - thread) I know this is hard for you because it feels like hell to me. One thing we have to remember no matter what relationship we're in whether its marriage or dating that we can not and I repeat WE CAN NOT give our power to them. We have to savour so that we are strong when things like this occurs. I wish things could be all black and white without mind games...but I guess I'm one of the last to wake up out of the fantasy world.

November 13, 2006
9:00 am
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needtoheal
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unique--

keep posting and share your situation. we can all help each other through this difficult time..

i also wish that there were no mind games involved.. just true understanding and better communication but I know that this is not possible with the men that I had chosen...

thinking of you
and thanks for being here

your friend
NEEd

November 13, 2006
9:39 am
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cyndra820
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Need~ If there weren't any mind games it would have been a healthier relationship.

He may not want to let go because he can exert power over you through verbal and emotional abuse. You know you deserve better than that. Let Pond Scum, A2, Whale Shit do whatever it is he wants. He has to live with himself and his choices not you.

Unique~ I think you are strong and wise. You will get through this as will we all, and we'll be better for it.

ClownFace~ Good morning. How are you? How's your day so far?

Love,
Cyndra

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