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need your advice
February 4, 2004
1:50 am
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bee z
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September 27, 2010
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bee z i have done so much to please my husband and he always comes first. but now i feel used ad so much resentment. and the only time he gives of hisself is when he wants sex.i have tried to tell him that i need him in other ways. like to be concern about me and kids to treat me as a partner and not like a lover only. he says that i"am crazy that theirs nothing wrong. i don'''''t understand why he gets jealous when i buy me and kids stuff that we need and he does"nt buy us only his self. ihave been married to him 20 years. do u think i am wrong to feel this way? what can i do to get him to understand me?

February 4, 2004
2:02 am
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palmtree
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In a marriage, we forget that we may be relating in unhealthy ways- often from our childhoods.
My husband and I just entered counseling. I am codependant and my husband is dependant personality.
Get counseling. Write out everything you are feeling.
It will be like an awakening.
As wives and mothers, we feel our behavior is healthy - we are giving, what's wrong with that? We may be enablers.
Face up to the fact that we can all have disorders and we cannot solve the problems without counnseling. It can be a real eyeopener!
Make sure you get good counsel. Don't try to solve the problems yourself. We are too close to the situation.

February 4, 2004
3:18 am
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Zinnie
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Hi to both of you and welcome.

Bee are you in counseling with our husband? It sounds as if you have tried talking to him, and he is not hearing you. You say that he get's mad when you buy your children and yourself something? Why is that? Does he feel that you are spending too much money? Is he feeling left out because you are attentive to the children?

Palm - how is your counseling going for you?

Zinnie

February 4, 2004
12:03 pm
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gingerleigh
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Counseling doesn't necessarily have to come from a therapist who charges gobs of money either. If you have a priest or pastor you trust, perhaps you and your husband could work with him/her a bit.

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