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need to rant
January 7, 2006
9:02 pm
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feline
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I decide the other day that I just couldn't cope any longer with x hanging around. We have been separated for 11 months. His mother told me how miserable he was over xmas. So I told him that he deserved some happiness and he shouldn't care what everybody thinks and just go and be with her. I have been a terrible wife, so he tells me, and he deserved some happiness after putting up with me for all those years. He had talked about selling up his business at one stage recently. I encouraged him and told him to go for it. he sat there and said that wasn't what he wanted. Anyway since then I have been trying to keep my distance. Today he walks in to pick up our daughter and starts having a go at me. He reckons my attitude means that I like him. He was yelling at me that if I didn't want him coming around I should tell him. So I did. Then he just layed into me. Smashed me round the head a few times and threatened to hit me with a lamp. How can I get rid of this man out of my life?

January 7, 2006
9:10 pm
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feline
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i need a hug

January 7, 2006
9:23 pm
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jewel2
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Oh feline, call social services and they will be very well educated on your options - they are far more than you probably are aware of. No-one should be subject to such cruelty. I'm sending you a mental hug.

January 7, 2006
9:23 pm
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mamacinnamon
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((((( FELINE )))))))

Get a restraining order or also called Protection Order. He is way out of line here and has no right to do such to you. I suppose all this happened in front of your daughter also. I would not let him in the house again. He has crossed the line so he can stay away.

Poor thing.... here's another hug (((( feline )))))

January 7, 2006
9:25 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Also, did this just happen today? How long ago today?

Call the local police and tell them you have been assaulted and you need to file a report. You don't have to press charges if you don't want to but for sure file a report. You may need it later regarding visitation of your child.

January 7, 2006
9:26 pm
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sdesigns
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((((**Feline**))) My gosh. I don't know the full extent of your story but have you filed for divorce? Plus, do what the others above said. Listen to MamaC- she knows what she's talking about. I hope you follow thru and document, document, document EVERYTHING. Dates, times, places, witnesses. My thoughts are with you. ~SD~

January 7, 2006
9:29 pm
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kasie919
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I hope you have called the police,

Im sorry you have been subject to this..

We dont need to live like this do we??

the only true way abd honestly is like they say, call the police, get a pfa, and dont let him in, supervised visitation until he can get his anger under control

Im sorry, for your pain,

{{{{hugs}}}}

kasie

January 7, 2006
9:36 pm
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mamacinnamon
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January 7, 2006
9:54 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Feline:

Are you ok???

January 7, 2006
10:15 pm
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feline
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I was till I got your hugs now I am a mess again. Thank you so much. he really scared me. He held up a lamp and said he had nothing left to lose.

No he would never lay a hand on me in front of the kids. Charlotte was in the truck. He came back inside and shut the door. Before he started. The boys are home from work now, so will make sure I am not alone with him when he returns.

January 7, 2006
10:49 pm
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Rasputin
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Feline (((Hugs & Prayers))) are going for you my sweetheart!!!

XOXOXO~Ras~I love you soooooooo

January 7, 2006
10:55 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Feline:

Unless you show him you will not be treated like this it is gonna happen again and again. I feel you already know this don't you. Call the police and do a report. For future reference as to his anger and so he will know you mean business. Will you think about it please.

January 8, 2006
1:55 am
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feline
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I've never really been scared for my life before. The way he said he had nothing to lose has me worried. I can't call the police what would the kids think of me. I will wait and see what happens next. My daughter is due home soon and I will know then how the water lies. I will tell him that next time I will have him charged. He hasn't hit me since we separated but then again I haven't pushed him that far before. He smacked around his flatmate a few weeks ago so I just should have been more careful about what I said. Thank you for your kind words and hugs I really need them today. I can't tell anybody else.

Big Hugs back at you all.

January 8, 2006
2:52 am
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mamacinnamon
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Feline:

You do what you think is best, but I want to say a few things ok. Not bein mean, just a few thoughts I want you to think about.

#1. What would the kids think of you. You would totally be surprised. They would probably be proud that you did something instead of just "take it again". Kids are smarter than we think most the time. Let me ask you... Do you want your kids to grow up thinkin this is ok? Do you want them to be the abuser or the victim because they will pick one side or the other.

#2. He smacked around his flatmate a few weeks ago. Do you see BIG Red Flags here?

#3. I just should have been more careful about what I said. Are you serious? Yes, you are. I lived the same thing for 12 years. It's supposed to be ok, but it is not. Again it goes back to the kids and how you want them as adults.

#4. I will wait and see what happens. Feline, don't take the chance. You know what will happen here. The potential is great.

I am not badgering you at all. I only want the best for you. I want you safe and living a somewhat normal life. Here if you need to rant more.

January 8, 2006
5:09 am
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feline
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Aaah but you see this is a very clever man when it comes to physical abuse. Like today waited till Charlotte was in the truck then came back inside and shut the door so she wouldn't see or hear anything. Never a witness, never a bruise. Never hits me hard enough to do anything more than show me who is boss. And to be quite honest I have never really been scared of him until today. He has never threatened me before.

But the rest of the story. He came back with Charlotte and didn't come inside. But must have been outside my bedroom. I didn't know where he was, I had gone into the lounge with the kids and was staying there. But then I thought I would go and lock my bedroom door and he pounced so I waited for him to come around the edge of the bed and flew like a rabbit accross the bed round the house and back into the lounge with the kids. I thought I was pretty safe. The kids had no idea what was going on. They had never seen their Dad like this. He chased me into the lounge and started yelling abuse at me. Then he left, yelling abuse as he backed down the drive.

Still pretty scared, but if things happen as usual he will calm down pretty quickly and then I am going away at the end of the week for two weeks so it will be peaceful.

What to do. If I leave him alone to calm down things will pretty much get back to normal I think. If I involve other people, police, lawyers etc, that will just inflame him more and then I don't know what will happen. What do I do, risk the saftey of me and my children by inflaming him, or just let it pass over.

hey you guys gotta give me a little credit I got him to move out didn't I.

January 8, 2006
7:30 am
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mamacinnamon
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Feline:

What to do is exactly the question. I cannot answer this one.

I know your silent bruises. I know him popping out from where ever. I do know that mr. nice guy on the outside to everyone else likes and thinks is great. He thrives on your fear doesn't he. I know the evil guy you are living with. That is why I cannot tell you what to do. I got away coz he finally decided he'd had enough of me and had found another person to torture. But I can tell you this will not stop until you stop it. He has started something new to cause you fear now. I am truly sorry you are dealing w/ this.

January 8, 2006
7:44 am
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whidbey
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Dear God in Heaven, Feline, get that man out of your life, NOW! Please, please don't let him do this to you or the children, because he eventually will. Someone just posted a thread on "Dating a Loser" about abusers. Please print that out and read it a bunch. Please, please don't "just wait and see what happens next time." It could be so much worse than you imagine. This behavior is escalating. What will the kids think? I don't know what their exact thoughts will be, but do this FOR your kids, if not for yourself.

I'm so worried about you.

January 8, 2006
11:06 am
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snowleopard
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Feline

I know how scared you are. My ex b/f never hit me in front of my children but they knew it happened. I never gave my children enough credit. They aren't daft.

You said he went away yelling abuse - my ex did that very regularly and my children heard it all. Your children will have heard the verbal abuse. It's not good for them. I've had a big problem dealing with the guilt of what I put my children through in not being able to deal with the situation myself.

I feel for you. I know what you're going through. I know it will take a great deal of strength for you to take any action - but you and your children don't deserve this.

I understand your fear ie. if you take any action what will he do next. I don't know - but your safety was put at risk the first time he hit you - and every time since.

I am away from my ex now, like mamac, mine found someone else to hurt. He has still tried to contact me but I won't open the door etc - because I'm scared of what he'll do. I know your situation is different to mine because you have children together but I'm just trying to tell you I understand what you're going through.

Take care and STAY SAFE
Snowleopard

January 8, 2006
3:22 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Feline:

I feel bad that I kinda dropped the ball earlier. I do know your situation so very well. I know had I tried to leave I'd be dead, so I will not tell you to take unnecessary chances that could put you in danger. But, this is only gonna escalate; that part is true. You need to find a way out. Woman's shelter maybe? Call a hotline and they can also give you suggestions. So sorry you are in this situation. I'm here and would be glad to talk it out, but as for what to do.... I don't know. Pray he finds someone else and wants to leave maybe. I will return later tonight. I do truly wish you the best. Keep yourself and your kids safe. Most important of all. 🙂

January 8, 2006
4:32 pm
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feline
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Thanks mama
I have got him out of the house. That is huge. I just didn't think it would take this long for him to find someone else. He hates being alone. It has escalated i know. I haven't heard from him today yet. He is due to come over and take the kids swimming tonight. He will either continue what he started or sit outside and toot. Waiting game again. He may not even come. Heres hoping.

January 8, 2006
5:20 pm
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bonni
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(((Feline)))
i'm so sorry you have to deal with this. i'm glad you have him out of the house. is there anyone else who knows? are you sure he doesn't abuse your kids?

can't advise you, but I can send you my very warmest wishes and hugs.

January 8, 2006
5:26 pm
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feline
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Yes, he would never lay a hand on the kids. He hasn't got the guts to do that. He is just a big bully. When he can't wear me down verbally he resorts to violence. And he would never lay a hand on me in front of the kids. Thanks for the hugs. I am calmer today.

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