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NEED SUPPORT/SHARE WITH OTHERS
March 21, 2010
11:40 pm
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MsMissy
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I AM NEW TO THIS AND A LITTLE LEARY ON POSTING LIKE THIS. I AM THINKING OF GOING TO A CODA MEETING TO SEE IF WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH EMOTIONALLY NOW AND FOR MANY YEARS IS CODEPENDANCY. MAYBE THIS SUPPORT THREAD IS WHAT I NEED. I DO YOGA 5-6 DAYS A WEEK AND CARDIO 1-2 DAYS A WEEK AND DO EAT WELL AND AMAZINGLY SLEEPING AGAIN, BUT IT DOES NOT SEEM TO BE GETTING ME TO THE POSITIVE PLACE I NEED TO BE IN MY LIFE. MY STORY IS VERY SIMILAR SOME OF THE OTHER MEMBERS. NOT SURE I AM READY TO SHARE BUT MIGHT FIND THIS SUPPORT IS WHAT I NEED. THE FEAR OF BEING A LONE IS THE WORST THING FOR ME RIGHT NOW.

March 22, 2010
12:02 am
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gettnthere
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Ms you are in the right place. Wonderful people here who are willing to share and support. Out of curiosity do you spend much time resting/relaxing? You sound very busy...

March 22, 2010
12:43 am
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MsMissy
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busy yes, travel 3 weeks a month and the yoga and cardio are the only thing that is keeping me normal. Staying at home with nothing to do and can not focus on 1 thing is my issue. I am going to a coDa meeting this week. I hope to see this is the place that will give me the direction I need for inner peace and confidence. My biggest issue lately that has opened up my eyes is my true bordem and unhappiness to be alone. My bfriend is beginning to wear out from my neediness and I have finally found a good one and will probably push him away. I have a very long story of CoDep. and with all of the reading on it I think that is my true problem here. Have you been to a coDa meeting? I am a little nervous to go but my family and friends support me and think it is a very good idea (FYI-my sisters have the same issues I have in other ways)

March 22, 2010
1:04 am
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gettnthere
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Good luck with the meeting-I have never been to one but I understand that it is a really powerful step towards healing.

My main issue is sexual abuse when I was a child. It's in the hands of police but I don't feel all that much better for it. I dread the thought of being in court. But the animal needs to pay, so I gotta do what I gotta do. He started grooming my child. I saw red and reported it all to the cops. It's very painful though.

You say your sisters share some of the same patterns as you? Or feelings? Is there something that you guys have in common from the past?

Good luck with the meeting. I would imagine that you will find additional support even beyond the meeting. How does your boyfriend feel about it? The meeting I mean... I know my husband is exhausted by my current situation-he is angry about it generally. He has decided to see the therapist as well because he wants to deal with that also. He is not angry or violent and certainly not towards me, but is angry in general. I think that is fairly normal but he thinks that it's not helpful. He is worried how that affects me. But if there is abuse of one person, it affects many many others. In varying ways.

Sit tight until your meeting-try writing down your feelings when you have those moments of fear of being alone. I have tried that and sometimes it works well. Other times it doesn't! Unfortunately there is no silver bullet huh?

March 22, 2010
1:38 pm
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MsMissy
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WOW! I am sorry for your past. I am very lucky that I did not have sexual abuse. The commen factor in my family is a dad with bipoler depression and a previous alcoholic. He did not drink after we were born but he stopped on his own and he never faced his demons. He was a perfectionist and was very negative and we felt we had to prove our perfection to him. He was a good father but my mother was never happy but stayed married/plus I felt left out by my mother as a child..I was very aggressive and had a bad tempor when I was young-always wanting my way (I was the youngest of 3). Not sure how that effects us but we all chose bad men in our past and abuse alcohol and other substances. All of us have had Abuse physical and mental and my past 10 year marriage was to a man who was very insecure and always trying to prove himself who he was not so others would like him. He wore me out and cheated on me twice...his way of finding our how much I loved him....funny way to show it. I have been divorced for 10 months now and jumped right in to my relationship with my current bfriend. He is a good man and very confident in himself and recently he said I am to dependent on him and need to feel more confident in myself to be able to live a better life. He is understanding of who I am but I can tell I am wearing him out and need to better myself to better our relationship. I do not want to be my exhusband with him. That would be a bad idea. He is supportive in me getting better. Currently he is out of the country and want to wait to tell him of the meetings when he gets back. I just had another bad episode with him (aggressive and selfish text to him/pressuring him to do things my way and only my way) and I feel so bad now that I do this with him about every 3-4 weeks. I have to find a way to get the depression to go away with out medication and better myself inside. I thought of writing things down but I am scared to see all of my fears on paper.

Thanks for the support it feels good I am not alone. I thought maybe something was wrong with me. Please keep me updated on your situatioin. Sorry to hear your past but you have faced it now and hopefully you can better yourself for you and your child.

Stay Strong.

March 22, 2010
2:44 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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MsMissy, I have been here since June of 2007. Like any place you will ever be there is good and there is bad but the good sooooo outweighs the bad. Please share when you feel you can. There are some great people here.

Bitsy

March 22, 2010
3:40 pm
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crazywife
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Where does one find these meetings?

March 23, 2010
12:18 am
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MsMissy
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you can go to coDa.org. It is a support site for codependants. You search your zipcode and it will bring up the meetings.

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