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NEED SOME OUTSIDE ADVICE
June 7, 2000
5:15 pm
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ANL
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September 27, 2010
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I AM A 25 YEAR OLD SINGLE MOM OF 2 TODDLER BOYS. I HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP SINCE NOVEMBER OF 1999 WITH THIS MAN AND THOUGHT THAT HE WAS THE GREATEST THING THAT HAD HAPPENNED TO ME. HE IS AWESOME W/MY CHILDREN, IS VERY AFFECTIONATE, AND ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH. WE SEEMED TO BE PERFECT TOGETHER. WE GOT ENGAGED AFTER 4 MONTHS AND MOVED OUT W/HIM. WITHIN THE FIRST 3 WEEKS, HE WENT ON A DRINKING FRENZY BECAUSE WE WERE NOT GETTING ALONG AND HE ENDED UP KICKING ME OUT. I WAS DEVESTATED. I WENT OUT ON MY OWN AGAIN AND STARTED TO GET MY LIFE BACK TOGETHER. HE CALLED ME 1 MONTH AND 1/2 LATER TOTALLY APOLOGIZING FOR WHAT HAPPENED. STATES THAT HE DIDNT REALIZE WHAT HE DID BECAUSE HE WAS INTOXICATED AND WAS TOO EMBARRESSED TO TRY AND CONTACT ME. HE DIDNT REMEMBER ANYTHING HE HAD SAID OR DONE BECAUSE OF BEING DRUNK. SINCE THEN HE HAS TOLD HIS ENTIRE FAMILY AND MINE THAT HE HAS HAD A DRINKING PROBLEM. HE HAS NOT DRANK IN 1 MONTH AND IS CLAIMING TO CHANGE HIS LIFE AROUND. HE ALSO HAS A BAD TEMPER. WE ARE BOTH VERY HARD HEADED AND INDEPENDENT AND IT S HARD FOR US TO COMMUNICATE W/OUT GETTING IRRITATED AND SAYING THINGS WE DONT MEAN. HE HAS NOT BEEN PHYSICAL W/ME BUT I'M NOT SO SURE THAT IT WOULD NEVER COME TO THAT. NOW I REALLY LOVE THIS GUY AND I AM SO CONFUSED. I DO NOT WANT TO PUT MYSELF OR MY CHILDREN IN ANY BAD SITUATIONS-BUT I ALSO LOVE HIM ALOT AND DO NOT JUST WANT TO GIVE UP. PLEASE HELP

June 7, 2000
11:13 pm
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Spirit
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September 29, 2010
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Seek counceling as a couple, quickly. Seek counceling independent of each other. Get involved in an anger management course, both of you. If you want to be with him, and the love is there, both ways, seek help now. You are right to be concerned about your boys. Children learn most of their behaviors during the toddler ages. You don't want them to learn that its okay to hit someone then say "sorry" and everything is okay so they can hit again. Becomes a vicious cycle. May understanding and guidence bring peace to you and yours.

June 9, 2000
11:19 pm
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janes
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September 24, 2010
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Do not move in with him again until the counseling is well under way.

You and your children are better off alone than with an abuser.

If you stay with him go to Al-anon and him to AA wehter he is frinking or not.

If you are really confused it may not really be love but the need for an adult person to share YOUR life with...

Don't jump into this with blinders on... it will be tough to get out and you definitely do NOT want your children to learn to be abusers.

The choice is yours but remember many many cultures are stupified by our concept of "love" as a reason to marry.

OUr media tells us we NEED this LOVE..

the drinking problem will not just "go away"

Take care...

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