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Need some encouragement in 'staying the course'
October 2, 2008
2:57 pm
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truthBtold
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Hi Everyone,

(warning - long post........)

I have been off the boards for awhile.

Long story short - I FINALLY stood up to my father recently over the phone.

I've never EVER done this before!

(Not even close.)

Basically, I had 'no contact' with them (mom & dad) for about 3 years.

Then - out of the blue, a couple of months ago - my mom calls....not to say - geee, we haven't heard from you for awhile and been wondering how YOU have been doing?

No - she calls to tell me (dump) that 'your father and I have been having some health issues.'

So, like a dutiful daughter - I step right in and get all involved with their health issues.

They don't ASK ME if I want to be the executor of their estate (I'm their 3rd choice by now - ) - they tell me that they want me to be.

I go along with it.

(Live & Learn....)

Now - what is happening after a recent hospital episode I saw them through - I started to back off.

They are just plain negative and just suck me bone dry of my energy. It's ALWAYS "About Them!"

EVIDENTLY - they must have thought (assumed) all was well with me.

As long as I am there for their needs and concentrating solely on them - all is well.

My dad called and try to give me the guilt trip - well, "we haven't heard from you and I said that I had issues."

He asked if it was because of them and I said - yes, in some ways. So - he says - OK - we'll wait for you to call us.

But - I didn't.

So then, over the week-end - I go through this extreme anxiety attack-like stuff.

Felt as if everything was in slow motion and I had to work hard to try and 'ground' myself in order to even function enough to drive home.

Like - you know the term - flash-frozen?

Well, this was like - flash THAW!

It's hard to describe.

Anyway - I think that this was probably a premonition (sp?) or something as later on that night - I was so raw and my feelings right up there on the surface (diagnosed with DID - depersonalization in past) that when he calls and asks me if I still want to be the executor (like its a fucking carrot on a stick) I say - I don't really care one way or the other.

He persues it and I say that: "You called ME!" (referring back to the time when they called me up out of the blue after 3 years recently.)

Then he starts with the guilt, manipulation crap about my mom saying about how she hasn't been feeling well and - I don't know what came over me - but I interrupted him and said: "What about ME?????"

He said something - I don't remember - but I finally just kind of 'snapped' and let 'er rip and with a deep, grovely tone of voice (think - The Exorcist movie back in the 70's - the Linda Blair's voice when she was 'possessed":)

I said - "YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN - OLD MAN!!!!!!!"

(Referring to the times he made sexual advances on me as a child)

And he gets pissed off and says - Awww - fuck this - and I say - Yeah - FUCK THIS IS RIGHT! and I slammed down the phone!!!!!

I can't tell you how much better I feel.

I never stood up to him before.

I am starting to see him as the selfish, narcissistic person that he has always been.

WOW.

Matter of fact - just today - in thinking about this - I walk around the house saying out loud - wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow,wow.

Man!

I NOW KNOW - without a SHADOW OF A DOUBT - that there is just NO SUBSTITUTE for standing up for myself!!!!!!!!

No substitute at all for facing my worst fear!!!!!!!

Nope. No amount of reading, talking to others about it compares to just stepping right up to my own plate and taking a swing!

In retrospect, the sky didn't fall, the world did not come to a screeching halt.

Nope.

Didn't do any of that!

So - I ask myself - what is the worst that can happen?

They die.

Both in their 80's - afterall.

We will all die at some point.

So - at this point (which is why I am posting - seeking encouragement to 'stay the course' for my own sanity....) I am thinking of complete closure with them.

About maybe writing a long letter and explaining why it is not in my best interest to continue contact with them.

In reflecting back - man - (as one therapist told me - 'they did a number on you.') I am struggling very hard to continue to stand strong on my own convictions - to put myself FIRST for a change.

It's very difficult.

But - I can't ignore my bodies reaction to this awesome sense of relief!

Standing up to him was a very long overdue relief!!!!!!

I can feel my life change as we speak and am starting to realize just HOW MUCH time and energy I have spent all of my life (48 years now) on always thinking about their needs and their reactions first and foremost - ALL OF THE TIME!!!!

(It's feeling to me as a sort of brain-washing - and I don't throw around that term loosely.)

That - all my life - it was in their best interest to kind of work as a covert team to keep me down. To keep me oppressed.

(No wonder I have always - all my life - related to groups of folks whom were oppressed - African-Americans and gays - even though I am white and straight.......I related to the oppression and always felt better after witnessing the sheer courage to 'stand your own ground' in spite of external forces.)

It's kind of what has kept me going all these many years.

Wow is about all I keep saying to myself these days.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Sorry for the length of this post and thank you for taking the time ya'll took to read this.

Please help me to 'stay the course' - regardless of the doctine which has been pounded into my head to "Honor Thy Mother & Father." and to get beyond the guilt that they will - no doubt see me as a malcontent because of their own need to keep the facade going because it simply works for them in their little own sick relationshiop with each other.

whew.

tBt

October 2, 2008
3:23 pm
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fantas
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(((TBT))), You are right. Nothing feels better than standing up for yourself regardless of the outcome. You will stay the course. No matter what happens, you will never unknow what you learned here. You now know that you are able to tell those who mistreat and take you for granted, where to go and how to get there. Even if you fall off the wagon for a little time, you will remember this experience and get your strength and get back on it. The dam has broken and it will never be the same again. I'm so very proud of and thrilled to bits for you!!! (((TBT)))

October 2, 2008
3:37 pm
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truthBtold
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((((fantas))))

Thank you soooo much for your post and support.

You are right:

"I will never unknow what I have learned."

Very well put.

"I'm so very proud of and thrilled to bits for you!!!"

Brings goosebumps all over and tears to my eyes.

This dam has indeed broken.

For the FIRST TIME in my life.....I am starting to feel like a "grown-up."....thinking and detaching myself enough to say...."WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE????? (where once I was solidly enmeshed.)

thank you. thank you. thank you. fantas.

October 2, 2008
4:00 pm
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CAMER
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tbt...well, people get "divorced" from eachother, so why not from your parents (just detaching).....you need to do what you have to for your own sake....and let your parents do what they have to.

I wish you luck, esp. with it being a "family" thing. There is no right or wrong, just do what makes you feel the best.

October 2, 2008
4:14 pm
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truthBtold
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Thanks Camer,

I guess I never really 'went through' that process/rite of passage as a young adult to remove myself from them emotionally and to think about my own life and my own future.

Just never happened for me.

I always thought that to do something in my own best interests would somehow 'take away from them."

Maybe part of it comes from the time that I was getting ready to graduate high school - and at that time - my parents were sitting pretty good financially....lived in an paid-off upper middle class section of town - and they were working on building their SECOND home in the mountains.

So - one day - my mom comes into my room right before I graduate high school and says that 'your father and I have been talking about helping you maybe going to college' - but (here's the kicker....)THAT would of course mean that we can't complete the mountain house!

WOW!

So - instead of me seeing this for the selfish tactic that it is and learning from it - no - I am naive enough to deduce that in order for me to do something about my future - that it would somehow and in someway....'take away' from them.

Geesh.

How could I BE so naive?

Anyway - this thread is sure helping me to bring up stuff from the past that I need to seriously re-examine my own incorrect and unhealthy conclusions I came about for myself.

I am so grateful for being able to come here and risk the vulnerability to finally open up after all these years about my REAL issues.

I thank everyone for indulging me as I work it out as we speak.....

tBt

October 2, 2008
4:43 pm
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(((TruthBTold))))

You are one brave woman! I commend you for standing up to your father. I know first hand how difficult that can be. I did that when I was 16-17 years old. It wasn't nearly as severe as your reason and need but still it was my dad. I also stood up to my sister 2 years ago. She is the biggest bully around!

I know the feeling of WOW! And there is no other way to describe it other than WOW! It is like OMG! I just did that AND I survived! WOW!!!! It is such a rush and SOOOOOO EMPOWERING!!!

I totally agree with Camer in regards to divorcing your parents. You have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. They let you down and hurt you in ways that a parent never should. You mentioned honoring our parents, well the way I see it they didn't honor you so they set themselves up for what they get in return.

What they get in return is daughter to be proud of. Thier daughter, despite the treratment she received growing up, evolved into a strong and curageous woman who knows how to respect herself and protect herself. Unfortunately, in roder to accomplish this it may require her to detach from her parents in oreder to survive. That is ok.

WTG TBT!!! You rock. Give Yoursefl a Big Hug!!! You deserve one!

Precious

October 2, 2008
4:48 pm
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Hi, Truth,

If I may add my measly two cents worth here....

I remember that glorious sense of freedom and exhilaration you speak of in finally standing up to one of your abusers. It is a tremendous high, like no other!!!

A very, VERY brief note on my past is that I was first touched sexually when I was 9 mos. to a year old ( Yes, I really DO remember it! ) and it continued on a 5/6 nights a week basis until I was 14. It was done by my mom's husband, " The Sperm Donor."
( so glad to see others referring to their abusers as such as well. ) 'Mom" says she never knew...hhmmm.....

The abuse was anything from touch to using dogs on me and everything in between. And like you, I never rocked the boat ( various reasons ) and was the dutiful little girl, then preteen, then teen. I got married when I was just 16, just to escape. And I still said nothing to the right people. And still, I was the dutiful, helpful, giving, caring daughter.

Short version of my hell and totally dysfunctional life, I snapped one day in 1998, told my sister I was changing my name and going to write a letter to the above mentioned. And it was 9 long filthy angry pages. I vomited. I made copies and sent one to ' Mom ', their church elders, to each sibling, one for me to read over and again as I felt the need, to remind myself that I took back my power.

OH MY GOSH, WHAT AN INCREDIBLE SENSE OF ME_ISM!!!!!!!! I DID IT!!!!! I HAD A VOICE. I HAD POWER! I FOUND A SMALL FORGOTTEN PIECE OF ME!!! WA_HOOOOO TO THE MOON.

Now...let me give you a small tiny piece of advice, if I may! Do not let any one talk you into taking that power and giving it back.

Here is why I say...I met my now husband and I began to unfold my life. In time I told him of the letter. He asked to see it and I saw no harm in that. And there was not. But what he did next started my downfall. ( not by his intent )

He asked why I was still carrying it, I explained. He asked if I felt I still needed it. I thought and said, ' I guess not.' Asked if he could have it, I asked him why, told me he had his reason. I pondered a few moments and said ok. He said once I give it to him, it was his to do as he pleased. " Okay ". He walked over to the fireplace and threw it in. Let me tell you, over the next couple of day's and weeks, I felt freer than I ever had in my life.

So much so, that misinterpreted my feelings as forgiveness. I started again associating with them, after two years of nothing, and it was okay although somewhat uncomfortable. I found myself trying to ignore the perverted looks he was giving me when he thought no one was looking. It took me awhile to realize I had given back my power and my voice! And the dreams came back and the anxiety, and the worthless thoughts and feelings, ALL flooded back.

( No, it is not my husbands fault.I MISINTERPETED what I was feeling...it was NOT forgiveness... it was the new unknown feeling of being set free from some of my past.)

Yes, this is MY story and wont mean you would have the same results, but if you have come so far...HOLD ONTO YOUR FREEDOM!!!!! You just gained so much by your saying NO! NO MORE!! Revel in the luxury of your new found voice. Fall in love with the sound of it!!!!! It is the most beautiful music you will hear..its YOUR power, YOUR voice.

Dont let anyone take that from you. You are not guilty of anything wrong!!! You did what HEALTHY people do...you said no and set the first boundary line...BRAVO!!!! I applaud you!

( sorry....that was too long....)

October 2, 2008
5:11 pm
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((((pilot_tress))))

October 2, 2008
5:28 pm
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tbt, I just love your posts.

I say CONGRATULATIONS for sticking up for yourself. Aren't we somehow brainwashed that we can never tell our parnets to just F'Off! and leave us alone? No matter what they did?

So once we get older and say Hey wait a minute- that just is NOT right what they did, we're still scared to say no to them. and then it hits. for me its like a cup that gets filled more and more til it reaches the top and there's just not room for one more little drop of CRAP to fit in- and I blow.

I haven't spoken to my father for nearly a year and don't apln on it either. If he wants to apologize for what he's done, fine. But no mpore sweeping it under the rug, pretend like it didn't happen. it DID happen and he was the parent and it was HIS job, not mine, to protect me.

I too am the executor of my fathers estate, and I also wasn't asked, it was just done that way. After learning that my parents lied to me most of my life on how things will play out, I don't even want a part of that. They have screwed me in their will but want me to execute it? I think NOT. I don't care about their money- its too toxic to me.

Freedom, tbt. Its our freedom.

sd

October 2, 2008
5:37 pm
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truthBtold
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((((PreciousG & pilot_trees,))))

I am truly beside myself right now.

Never in my wildest imagination had I ever suspected such an out-pouring of sincere love and support.

Hard to type thru the tears......

I have been LONGING for validation all my life - then to experience such an onslaught of it within the hour....well - I just don't know what else to say......

Maybe I am learning that it is OK to be vulnerable sometimes - with the right people.....

I pretty much cut myself off from sharing my most innermost feelings from anyone.

I always felt that at least - when I am alone....I am safe.

Hence, been a loner for many years - all my life actually (thank goodness for my legions of un-judgemental cats up until now....) and for you real people whom have validated me beyond my wildest expectations right here - right now - in this very thread.

Maybe some folks are really trust-worthy!

You folks have certainly proved that to me today.

I had a therapist who once told me not to "give away my power."

To tell you the truth - I didn't understand what he meant for many years??????

Flew right over my naive head.

But - his comment stuck - and maybe - on some level - I thought to myself.....maybe someday I would understand what he meant.

Today - I think that I do.

WOW.

There is just NO going back from here!!!!!!!!

And - WHO would have thunk?

That all I had to do was to face my worse fears?

Simple.

NOT easy.

I almost feel like donating all of my many self-help books right now.

Grant it - they gave me little snippits of validation here and there when I could find it nowhere else.

But now - it's kind of water over the bridge.

Damn - don't you know that I just HAVE to write a screen-play about all of this????

This down-right arduous process that I am sure I am not unique in?

(The very thing that perhaps is what I was born to do?)

I will write the movie that I always wanted to see - but to which was never produced!!!!!!

That's it!

The more I move towards self-validation (no small thanks to everyone here....) the more I feel in complete ALIGNMENT to finally pour all of this out into one helluva screen-play.

(Note to all: Have thought about this for some time now......)

IF - at some point in the future you go to see a movie (I know how I want it to end) - the closing credits will roll with the song by Van Morrison playing: "Brand New Day" - you will know that it was tBt behind it all and know that ALL OF YOU played an inportant part in this movie even materializing in the first place.

It's my reason for being born - I think.

My footprint of validation.

(Kind of thinkin' so....)

It is as if I am feeling that this is something that I HAVE to do......and will not let me rest until I do........

Fast Forward....."I'd like to thank the Academy and for all my secret friends at AAC etc....(you know who you are...")

🙂

October 2, 2008
5:49 pm
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((((TbT))))

:)LOl!

You are terrific! I am just glad I was around to see your amazing breakthrough occur. Thank you for sharing. I know that it is difficult to open and let yourself be vulnerable. However, I think hat you are doing great.

I wish much continued success.

Precious

October 2, 2008
5:55 pm
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truthBtold
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sd,

Post crossed.

Yeah - I hear ya!

Thanks for being so honest in sharing your own experience!

In reading your post - what sprang to my mind is something I heard from some older TV show......"Hey - wait a minute there bobba-loo-ie!!!!!"

(You know?)

Somethin' just ain't square here!

Oh boy - it sure is nice to talk to someone else about being the executor.

You know - it's kind of funny in a way - when I was there at their house going thru their legal papers (I initiated my dad contacting the local VA to see if maybe he had some benefits coming to him from his service in WWII) there it was.

Something like 5 or 6 envelopes of "Last Will & Testiment" and at seeing that - I laughed out loud.

(They kind of looked at me weird....)

WHY would anyone have more than 1 copy?

I talk to my fiancee about this and his experiece with his - shall we say - non-dysfunctional family - (parents have both passed on) and he told me that once his parents made the will - that was that.

Case closed.

Period.

There was no leverging - (sp?)

No.....'positioning.'

It was what it was and that was it!

I have to admit - that in all honesty - it was quite attractive to me at first.

Perhaps they knew that.

Perhaps they sensed that.

Perhaps - the very reason why they tried to oppress me all these many years - to keep me vulnerable.

Perhaps - in some ways....dependent.

My bad for taking the hook, line & sinker.

But - I KNOW better now.

(And when you KNOW BETTER.....you DO BETTER!!!!!!)

I am just absolutley ASTONISHED as to just how much energy I am freeing up in my own life - now that I have decided to chuck their crap!!!!!

Absolutely AMAZING!!!!!!!!

October 2, 2008
6:05 pm
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truthBtold
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Thanks Precious 🙂

I honestly don't think that there is no going back from here.........

Not now!

(((((Thank you for your support))))

October 2, 2008
6:12 pm
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tbt: My parents had their will drawn up, and I didn't know things weren't quite right til my mom died 2 years ago. So my dad starts telling what they set up. And I blew.

Boy was I pissed. How he could stand there and tell me that- and not think I would be pissed is beyond me. No guilt or embarrassment from him as to the lies they had told.

And now- because I am the oldest- and the only responsible person- I get to do all the work. And get less.

Huh? Why in the hell would I even want to? They have enabled my sister her whole life and they want to do it for them. And since she never tried to make anything of herself- the poor thing- she'll need to be taken care of.

So....I get less because I've worked my ass off to get an education, better myself, etc.

Feels more like punishment to me.

So, I have pried their controlling fingers off of me.

Part of it can't be changed because its in a trust, and part can. So he can go ahead and change it. I don't care. How stupid does he really think I am?

I know I'm bitter about it, and I really can't help it. Lies are lies.

(((Tbt)))

sd

October 2, 2008
7:30 pm
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fantas
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(((TBT))) You are so welcome!!!! More power to you!!

October 2, 2008
7:47 pm
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TbT,

You are very welcome. There is definitely no going back now.

I also wanted to mention that I am the executor of my Mother's estate. I don't mind it so much. The hardest thing for me is dealing with the greedy siblings. My Mother died a year ago. The sister that I mentioned about be a bully is the one giving me all the trouble. She is taking me to court. As a matter of fact next week. The way I look at it is she is not hurting me she is hurting my Mom and Dad. She borrowed a large sum of money and was to pay it back. Now she says that it was a donation. Unfortunately, my Mom did not have it written in her Will. Well, my sister told me that she owed the money and that it would come out of her inheritance. She also said that she had the conversation with my Mother. I confirmed this with my Mother. I have witnesses that know about the loan. But it all comes down to a she said she said thing. Well, sadly she has recanted her story and says it is a donation. Pathetic. She is a true bully all the way around. It is not just the money either. She has made some really wild accusations. It just amazes me to tell the truth.

Point is, I stood up to her once I can to it again. There truly is no going back. I am ready for her. Ah, Freedom!

Sorry I sort of rambled here.

Precious

October 2, 2008
9:05 pm
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truthBtold
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Hey folks - I say that we are really getting down to some nitty-gritty chit here!

I have to admit that when my folks called me out of the blue to be their executor - I felt a bit priviledged.....even though their THIRD choice. (Should have been a red flag right there for me....)

From what they said at the beginning - I was to 'get everything."

So - OK.

They had 3 daughters.

My middle sister has passed on.

During the time that she was alive - she was absolutely LIVID over the fact that my parents left our niece (oldest sister's daughter) in charge of the estate.

At first - it was my oldest sister.

Then she confronted my mother and said that while she did not consider leaving my father at the time of her being abused - but DID sought to leave him at the point where the bastard cheated on her with her best friend and said - well, WHY didn't you have the wherewithall to leave him at the time that it was obviuos to everyone that I was being abused - my oldest sister naturally just wrote the two of them off.

So - here my parents were.

Couldn't leave the estate/admisistration to my oldest sister - so what do they do?

Being as I had nothing to do with them at the time - they transferred the executor status to my niece - my oldest sister's first born.

Evidently - that went OK for awhile until they got some kind of pole up their ass and decided the 'she' did not have much to do with them - (once again - the assumptions etc....) hence - after a couple of years - decided to play me.

And that is exactly what it feels like.

They were trying to PLAY ME.

I fell for it for awhile until all the reasons that I previously talk about.

Third choice.

My fiancee looks at it as if they are digging their own hole.

Now - who are they gonna call?

It is pretty much beyond my finacee's comprehension.

He's never had to deal with anything like this.

His thinking is - in relating to his own family - that the will was what it was - broke everything up equally - period - end of story.

But NO - my folks try to use it as a carrot on a stick.

What an absolute FOOL I was to take their bait to begin with.

Nothing more than another ploy to manipulate and control.

I see that now..........

Frankly - at this stage of the game - I just want to be DONE with them.

I know that might sound mean....but truth is - it's true.

I'm tired of being jerked around.

Just go ahead and die already and be done with your miserable little lives........

This is how I really feel.

I KLNOW it sounds insensitive and cold - but deep down - it is really how I feel.

Just fricking leave me alone!!!!!!

October 2, 2008
9:16 pm
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truthBtold
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OH - and ps - did I mention that after I agreed to be the executor and ASSUMED that I would get the house and land (which - afterall - who knows what the future holds....afterall one might exhaust all funds in a nursing home if need be....) that all of a sudden my dad comes to my house and does not discuss - but rather PROCLAIMS that the house will be left to BOTH his daughters....the other daughter whom has had nothing to do with them for many years.....) and has meanwhile said that their classic 1955 or 1956 Chevy would be left to a charity - my fiancee said outright that that was just plain stupid!

Oh - what I fool I've been to take that bait.

Nothing but a fricking carrot on a stick this bastard is trying to dangle in front of me.........KNOWING FULL WELL that I live in a 20 plus year old trailer my whole adult life where the roof is leaking, the floors are starting to buckle the pipes are bursting and it really would be considered "sub-standard" housing......

He USED that to his advantage and I was temporarily blinded enough to think that my living conditions somehow mattered.

Well - NO MORE!!!!!!!

Let 'em rot in hell........and I will gladly piss on his grave and feel nothing less than a grand sense of relief that the bastard is finally dead!!!!!

October 2, 2008
9:21 pm
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truthBtold
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Fricking SOB for taking advantage of me - not once......but TWICE!

But as that old saying goes....fool me once - shame on you.

Fool me twice - shame on ME!!!!!!
Afterall - at some point - have to realize - we TEACH people how to treat us.

I WAS a fool before.

I AM a fool no longer!

October 2, 2008
11:47 pm
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"But NO - my folks try to use it as a carrot on a stick.

What an absolute FOOL I was to take their bait to begin with.

Nothing more than another ploy to manipulate and control.

I see that now.........."

Exactly, tbt, a carrot on a stick.

Sickening, isn't it?

Do you think they even consider what the effect of that does to their children? Well, like you, it just makes me say- forget it.

I had always been told things would be 50/50 between my sister and I. At times my mother would rage and say my sister wasn't going to get a dime. Or she would say she would get payments and not lump sums. Whatever. I supposedly would get all at once. My father once was so excited to tell me what I would be getting, how I would be able to live etc. Sickening when I think back about it.

My sister (homeless drug addict) made the mistake of asking my mother what would happen to the house, so my mother exclaimed it will be sold! When my mother was ragingly telling me this I was thinking, huh? Why would she care and why wouldn't I be able to buy out my sister? Especially when they expect me to raise my sister's kid when they are both gone. So, feeling rather bold, I told her that if they expect me to raise my sisters kid (I don't have kids!) they can give me the house. I drew a line in the sand, said I am not her mother, she has a mother. I didn't score any points for that one (HA!) but shouldn't I decide if I am going to raise someone else's kid?

So anyhow, now the estate is split as 30% me, 30% my sister, and 40% my niece. Am I pissed? You betcha. Will I be executor? No way in hell.

Plus they want me to manage my niece's trust. When she turns 25, she'll have more money than I have seen in my entire life- I'm 53. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. Again- I haven't been asked- I've been told.

I'm not going to do it. Its not fair, and I've walked away from all of it.

I am the only one I can depend and rely on, and I don't need any of that CRAP in my life.

Thats amazing that your parents would give your niece the responsibility and not you. But if you weren't talking to them... kind of like me walking away from my Dad. I have no idea what he's going to do now. Don't care either. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.........

Thanks tbt, for sharing the vent!!

sd

October 3, 2008
12:14 am
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truthBtold
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sd,

Here is the real kicker - we really have no way of knowing just how they will really divvy it up.

You and I have absolutely NO CONTROL over that.

It kind of insults my intelligence in a way.

Controlling - carrot in a stick shit.

Bottom line - I have been played for the last time!

I will GLADLY subsitute my own sanity for a promise in the wind.

Truth be told 😉 - I am so beyond any kind of monetary crap that they would like to dangle in front of me.....makes me feel like a real fool to even trust them to begin with.

Thing is - THEY THINK that they really have some kind of hold on us.

Truth is - they don't.

It's insulting to say the least.

Very, VERY insultiing.

It is almost as if they intentionally sought out to seek my vulnerabilities- and from there - proceeded to try and exploit them.

I'm kind of thinking so here.....

October 3, 2008
12:18 am
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sdesigns
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What I've also done is change the beneficiary on all my accts to a cousin, and am writing a will only because I don't want my sister to end up with anything of mine should something happen.

It burns my butt, I tell ya.

My think my sister played it all the right way. Be a drug addict, go homeless, have a kid, have someone else raise it, collect big $$ as a result, in fact collect 70% for her and her kid. Just kidding of course but hopefully you see my frustration.

sd

October 3, 2008
12:22 am
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sdesigns
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I know, tbt, its their way of trying to control us- even from the grave. When do we get to break those ties?

Do they really intend to hurt us in that way? Is that really the legacy they want to leave?

I just don't get it. I wish I didn't have to have anything to do with them.

October 3, 2008
12:32 am
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truthBtold
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sd,

Gotta let it go sweetheart.

I mean.....completely.

Who knows what the future holds?

All this time my sister Debbie was all upset over all this crap for many years.

Executor was oldest siter - then - oldest siter's daughter - then me -

What happens?

Middle sister (rebel of the family) dies.

So - I say - screw it all.

Not worth my time & energy.

So what if the other sibling ends up with more than we thought we had coming to us.......

So what?

Chances are - there may not even be anything to divvy up in the long run after all is said and done.

I'm sorry.

I just can not continue to play along with their games.

My sanity means more.

Bar-none.

No more carrot om the stick - to be sure.

October 3, 2008
12:41 am
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sdesigns
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I agree, tbt, I really do.

Have to let it go.

What angers me the most is that I fell for it. I should have learned by now to not trust anything they say. The deception, the manipulation.

Plus its just another form of abandonment.

So it IS best to walk away and try not to think about it. Too much stress and aggravation.

(((TBT)))

sd

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