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Need some advise - is it Ultimatum Time?
March 2, 2007
11:04 am
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truthBtold
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Some of you may already be familiar with my story. My fiancee has a business with 2 other partners as more often than not - is NOT bringing in a paycheck.

He lives with me in my humble trailer and there for a while was helping to pay half.

Now - his company is expanding and they are spending all this money on payroll, expenses etc andmore often than not he walks away without a paycheck after the meetings on (most) Fridays. I am at my wits end!!!!! One of the partners has another business to provide income - the other partner - has his rich parents to help him out - and my fiancee has nothing.

I am at my wits end!!!!!

When I entertain the idea of the two of us breaking up - it is like this tremendous weight being lifted off of me - to just cut the cord with all of this crap that has been stressing me out.

I con't go into any other detail right now as right now we a re planning a 12 hour trip today for his father's funeral on Saturday - then turning around and drving back on Sunday....maybe with my own 13 year old car that I just paid $550 to get fixed - and I have no collision coverage - just enough to drive it legally.

I could scream!!!!!!

He doesn't like "confrontation" with his partners - but this simply can not continue to go on.

Should I set a date - say June 1st - and if things are still the same - best to part ways?

I know that he loves me and I love him - but there is the practicality of things like food, clothing and shelter.

I work part time - no insurance and can just barely pay the bills as it is.

He has helped me out in the past paying for my previous car repairs and a couple months of bills in the past when I was between jobs.

There is a patent that was granted to the 3 of the them which may turn out to be lucrative - as one company is currently infringing - but it will not be until May until the patent number is granted.

He is so passive in all of this that I just can't take it anymore!!!!!!!

AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!

Is it ultimatum time?

March 2, 2007
11:22 am
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truthBtold
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Well, I don't know if this is karma or what - but I just spoke to him after posting this and we have agreed to either he rent a car or use one of the com[any trucks for our trip. I told him that I can not afford to get in an accident w/o collision coverage as I need my cat for work. He respected that.

Also, he updated me on the fact that one of his partners owes him money from a past agreement and the bank is getting involved today to hopefully finalize the deal. If all goes through - that could mean around 30 grand. THIS is what he is telling me will give him some stability and back up to then insist on some changes in the company.

He and I have also been talking about the possibility of the other 2 partners buying him out and he will get a city job in a samll municipality and we can both move to Florida like we had talked about.

Ohhh God - this is so hard!

Most times - I would just snap and jump the gun and cut all cords - but maybe I'm thinking that I should wait it out.....at least until the end of this month.

comments from anyone? Thanks.

March 2, 2007
11:41 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Well, TruthBtold, I have kept up with your saga...It sounds like you are figuring things out for yourself for at least now..I think you get agravated because he doesn't stand up for himself enough and then you feel like you have to be the heavy and brains of the pair..Am I correct? I am not totally sure I have any suggestions, but I can listen while you sort it all out...horsefly

March 2, 2007
12:00 pm
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nappy
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Ok so you are saying that he is doing all of this and he is not helping you one bit.
Ummmm......
And you giving him the ultimatum around June 1.

Where do you see yourself at around June 1?

I wouldn't get my hopes up to high unless like they say....
SHOW ME THE MONEY

Love don't pay the bill. You even said that yourself.
""I know that he loves me and I love him - but there is the practicality of things like food, clothing and shelter.""

If he haven't change by now, what makes you think that he is going to change now. He has been living there without having to do anything. Some of these mens are not stupid. They have it down pack. They are just like some womens. They are looking for someone to take care of them. It is just that simple. Hook up with a person with very very very low self esteem, tell them what they want to hear and I can continue to keep doing what I am doing.

It is a time now in life to rejoice. I hate that you are going through this but I think that you already know and I wouldn't wait until June to find out about what.
My question would be to him, what are you doing for me? and What purpose are you in my life for.
If he is not doing you any good, why keep him. I bet you if you let go of some of that rope on him, he will see then that you mean business because this is about your life not his.

March 2, 2007
12:14 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Dang Nappy you could maybe have put the hammer on the nail here, horsefly

March 2, 2007
12:27 pm
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nappy
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And also truth, since the other two partners have some other source of income to fall back on,
what is keeping your guy from wanting a company ( I can understand being your own boss) BUT still WORKING to PROVIDE for his home and to make sure that YOU are secure and not having to worry about the bill, food, light, rent, car.

This is not your company, that is something that he is trying to do, but don't let his dreams have you going down in the pits of hell because he can't see reality. Please. Life is reality rather we want to look it like that or not but he can work and go for his dreams and help your with the reality of life and start paying some bills.
And if he love you, he would be bringing home a paycheck.

March 2, 2007
12:55 pm
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lettingo
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truthBtold,
I think setting a time limit is healthy. All I can say about what you have explained, is that your partner is not financially responsible. I believe that this will always be a problem. My stbx husband was the same way but I thought it would all change when we were married. I helped him pay his debts off and thought he would be on his way. This never happened. He just got himself right back to where he started from. Follow that gut feeling you have. I wish I had.

March 2, 2007
1:08 pm
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caraway
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truth,

It sounds like you are thinking clearly on this one. I would do it before June. Why isn't he working part-time somewhere else to help with the bills?

Tell him he has two weeks and move on with your life.

Cary

March 2, 2007
3:06 pm
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Loralei
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truthB, your fiancee doesn't have the balls to be in business for himself. He has to demand that he be paid a living salary for his time and effort just like any employee. He can't afford to not be paid because he has no other source of income. I do understand that his partners don't have to have a paycheck because they see the business as an investment while they have other means of support.

I run a business. Since I have other means of support, my paycheck is the first one that is skipped when we have a tough month. My other partners get paid because it is the only source of income they have. Your fiancee's partners need to understand this. If they won't agree, then he needs to get what he is owed and get out of the business. If he is needed as a crucial part of that business, he deserves a paycheck. If not, he then needs to find a paying job elsewhere. He can't go on depending on you to support him.

March 2, 2007
4:04 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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you have to do what's right for you - protect your interests.

Here's the thing.

I was in your shoes...I am a single mom and let my boyfriend move in...because I lived in a rent controlled place, the rent increased. He agreed to pay half, plus half the food budget and half the utilities.

But, the time came and he was dropping the ball.

I was NOT in a financial position to support him, so I had to tell him either he paid for his own share or he move out. We would continue to date, but I couldn't be responsible for his debts.

we almost got evicted cuz of him.

He kept promising he was TRYING to find a second job or make a go of his real estate career....but despite his "supposed" efforts, it never happened.

In the end, other stuff caused us to separate...but even if I loved him and things were good...I couldn't go on supporting him.

In the end, it was myself I had to be more careful of.

Then there is my brother....who lives with his GF....who was stable enough to allow him to follow his dreams, help start his own business and now they are incredibly successful.

BUT, she HAD the money to help him.

Having to choose between love and money sucks....but it's unfair for you to assume his financial responsibilities when you can't take that risk...it's one thing if he's single and taking the risks himself...it's another if you have a partner, and they suffer if you suffer.

Take care of you first.

March 2, 2007
6:11 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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IT sounds to me like you are really stressed about his problems and maybe trying to solve them. You will never be able to solve all his problems. I suggest you forget the ultimatum. You can't force him to change. either accept him as he is or get out. now.

March 5, 2007
6:01 pm
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truthBtold
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Thank you one and all for your sage advice. Just got back into town this afternoon. He has given me money - about 2/3 of his portion for the month of March over the week end.

We are looking at our options.

I want desperately to move back to Florida (where I grew up) and get the hell out of this bible-belt state of GA.

Like I said before - he has about 20 or 30 grand coming from one partner SOON and their patent was just issued a number - so now there is a "grace period" up until March 20th. After that - they (he and his other 2 partners) can demand money from a manufacturer whom is already infringing upon the patent rights.

I will still "stand my ground" between now and then in terms of him getting paid no matter what.

Thank you all for your wonderful support! You have no idea how helpful it has been!!!!

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