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Need Some Advice About My Ex Please!!
April 16, 2007
9:52 pm
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danielle7373
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Okay, I'm new here and have posted in a few other threads, but I need some more advice/support right now!!

My ex and I dated about two years. We've been "officially" broken up for just over a year, but kinda still dated without any title. That was all fine until he started dating someone else about 3-4 months ago. He kept lying about it, but I had to be nosy and find out the truth.

He only sees her on weekends. He says she's not "the one" and that he's still looking for a perfect woman. He says he's with her because: it's convenient, he trusts her because she doesn't question him, he can lie to her, and he can put her off until the weekend (meaning he doesn't have to see her during the week because she annoys him).

As his "friend", I've asked him why he stays with someone he doesn't love and doesn't see a future with. His answer is that he trusts her and she hasn't hurt him yet. So he keeps coming back to me for sex because there's no passion between them. He says she's cute, but he's just not attracted to her. He says when they go out to a bar or to dinner he hopes while he's in the bathroom some other guy will hit on her and she'll leave with him.

So in the back of my head I see them getting married because she will put up with his lies - while I wouldn't. I feel sorry for her. He tells her that he still hangs out with me, and she gets pissed.

I leave for a business this Wednesday. I had asked him last week if he could possibly take me to the airport. He said he wouldn't know until today. Well finally I got a hold of him, and he really can't afford to ruin his whole day because I would need to be to the airport around 4:30 a.m. So that's fine, I understand and respect that.

He and I have been playing this back and forth game for awhile - he'll tell me maybe he and I can work things out. But he won't leave this girl. From December to January, I told him I wouldn't sleep with him because I couldn't get into it knowing he was kinda dating someone else. I said we could be friends, but that was it. He kept pushing for more, but I stayed strong.

Finally, in the end of January, I decided I was going to move 18 hours away. I got a job and planned to start my life over. It was very sudden, but I just felt I needed to run because nothing was keeping me here. The night before I was supposed to leave, he stopped by and gave me a card and said bye. Then I broke down. My grandmother and my father came over. This was the first time my grandma had seen my cry as an adult. But I couldn't go. I knew I was running, and I couldn't do it. All of my family and friends are here. So I decided to stay. Did I call my ex and tell him? No.

So I went the entire month of February with NO CONTACT. He thought I had left. It was awesome. He tried to call me a few times, and I was so proud of myself for not answering the phone. I had gone about two weeks without talking to him a few other times, but a month was my record. And he said that every time I avoided him for that long, it brought him closer to his new girl. I said, "Good. What can I do to make you realize you really care about her?" He said, "Nothing, I don't care about her." What??? You tell me you don't care about her, but when I avoid you, it makes you guys closer?? Whatever, JC.

But then I ruined it and called him back. He had suspected I was still in town because his friends had seen my car around (and a whole issue with myspace, which he says he hates and doesn't ever look at...). I admitted I had broke down and stayed here and got my job back. He accused me of lying. I said I wasn't intending to lie. I broke down, and I knew he would just pick on me for not going.

He's very controlling. Everything I do is wrong. Nothing is ever good enough. He thinks I give up on everything. He's mean. He's rude. I realize rationally I don't want to be with him. But the emotional side of me still yearns for the passion we shared. But I'm honestly tired of the drama.

Since about mid-March, we've talked a few times and had sex a few times. I thought I could do it - just have sex and be friends and that's it. I just don't think it's worth it anymore. It was fun, but I feel guilty. He has a girlfriend, and I really want him to be happy.

I asked him tonight, "You're never going to give me another chance (at a relationship), are you?" He just avoided the question. So I said, "I know you won't."

Then he talked about stopping by tonight or hanging out tomorrow night before I leave.

I thought I could just hook up with him and not get attached. But all it has made me realize is I have no respect for someone who will cheat on his girlfriend.

Yes, there is part of me that wants us to work things out, but I know he keeps both of us around just in case the other one hurts him. I know he cares about me, but not thaaaaaat much... otherwise he would try to work things out and he would respect me. We both have done a lot to hurt each other, and I really think it's just time to walk away.

So I'm torn between two sides of me:

1. Just being his friend, turning off all emotion for him, having sex if it happens, and knowing he's a liar, and all the bad things.

2. Avoiding him as much as possible, not seeing him, taking care of myself and meeting new people.

As I typed option 1, I see how ridiculous it sounds. I know what I need to do - move on. I just need a ton of support.

He doesn't love me. I want to feel love. And sitting here waiting for him, I am missing out on so much. I keep waiting for him. He says he's out of here in less than a year. He said he and his dad are leaving the country by November to spend about two years or forever on an island. I'm kind of hurt to think I literally may never see him again, and that's what I keep holding on to.

He's a big baby, and he expects everyone else to do all the work. He loves having lots of girls want him. And if he wanted to work things out with me, it would be our problem. But since he's with someone else, I need to quit feeling sorry for him. He's 28 freaking years old and needs to GROW UP.

The weird side of me still says, "No, don't avoid him. Just hook up with him when you want to. If you don't, then he'll hate you."

The rational side of me says, "Do you really want to be with someone who only uses you for friendship and sex but won't commit to you because he gives that title to someone he doesn't care that much about???"

I know I'm making so much progress getting away from him and moving on with MY life... but it's still hard. Thanks in advance to any shared stories/experience or thoughts.

April 16, 2007
10:17 pm
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tmv1109
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Is his name Jim?

April 16, 2007
10:41 pm
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startingover
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Hi

Well yours is a complicated one all right. There's probably no such thing as "casual sex" unfortunately. It sounds like he's taking advantage and your feelings are getting hurt. And, the way you describe him, he doesn't sound like a very nice guy.

Do what works best for you, whatever is easiest and best for you. Always keep your own best interests at heart, not his. I think when you ask him if there is a chance at you and him ever having a relationship, it gives HIM power over you. Try to take back the power for yourself and figure out what YOU want. Is it really him? He is not what you thought he was...

This is a great place to chat. You can say anything here. We all have some tales to tell, and we laugh and cry together.

Welcome

SO

April 16, 2007
11:03 pm
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tmv1109
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I'm so sorry, but please hear me, and take my advice when I tell you this guy is nothing but bad news. Don't be like me and waste 10 years of your life on a guy that sounds EXACTLY like my ex!!!!! I'm not kidding when I asked what his first name is. This guy, like my ex, could indeed have what is called a "Borderline Personality Disorder". Read up on this disorder and see if he fits the description. My ex had two, and even more women in his life, that none of us even new about. I found out last year, after 10 years and up and downs, and moving 1300 miles to be with him because he wanted to get married and have children, (sorry, I got off track a little). My ex, is a liar, and plays mind games with women, (which he hates, and completely devalues, only most people don't pick up on it because he is "such a nice guy, and oh, takes such good care of his mom". The truth is, which only a few of us women who were involved with him long enough, know, how terrible he really is. He hangs on to women, and bounces back and forth between them all, always calling because he was "just thinking of you and miss you", meanwhile having a girlfriend that doesn't have a clue.

DO NOT give this jerk one more second of your time. He doesn't care about you, the proof is in the pudding and if he did care the way you want him to, he wouldn't be with someone else. Listen to what he said, this guy is a dog!!!!!! (actually, dogs are really cute, so this guy is really a crook!!!!!!!) Lying, stealing womens hearts and identities and self worth. Listen to yourself, you are willing to just have sex with him? My ex had the same kind of women in his life because they were desperate to be with him. And the only place it got them, was devalued, humilated and hurt even more, when he decided he didn't want them around anymore. I am still, finding things out about my ex that I can't believe I didn't know before.

I beg you, please do your research. This guy is like this for a reason. He has no sympathy for anyone. He already told you......This guy is a loser and not worth one second of your time. Don't be fooled.....save yourself.......

April 16, 2007
11:33 pm
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ShortCake
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Danielle,

Hey girl, its shortcake. I am glad I saw this post. I can now fully understand more of what your going through. First you are doing good. You can see and sense that this is not healthy. Yes, you are having trouble but the first step is admitting something is wrong. That is where I am at. Maybe I am not doing everything right, but with every two steps forward, I only take one step back... In the long run, its improvement.

Try focusing on yourself and what you want out of life and relationships. I find it comforting to look at loving happy relationships of people around me... It makes me believe I can find that too if I don't settle. I tried to do the casual sex thing once, but it ended badly, I was always asking and seeking a little hint that him and I would work out, however, he ended up getting engaged to his girlfriend he said he did not have feelings for or even care about. Be careful with this other women involved. He may be charming her too.

You sound like a great person who cares about people. I have read your posts and advice. Your smart, kind and offer a healthy opionon to me and others. When you can give good advice and support others, your doing good yourself. Try and look at your improvements and focus on ways to stay busy without him. You proved to yourself you could by doing that 30 days. I am sure that was hard. I have only made 5 days. So yes, 30 days is amazing. You can do whatever you want. Its all about finding your own personal strength.

Please continue to visit this website and my other post with Elle. I think you will relate perfectly to Elle and I. We are here to support you, listen to your ups, downs, and everything in between. We don't judge one another, we support each other.

Your doing good. You can see the bad habits, now its time to love and forgive yourself. This is something I struggle with and I hope someday I can find enough self respect and love to put a end to my own personal man drama.

I am here and thinking of you.

April 16, 2007
11:37 pm
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danielle7373
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startingover - you're so right. I need to put my best interest first. Just because I feel sorry for him doesn't mean I should keep allowing this to hurt me. And he isn't who I thought he was. I think I'm disappointed in myself for thinking so highly of him and being so wrong! I like to think I have better judgement than this.

tmv - his name isn't Jim!! I am going to spend some time looking into this disorder. I know he has serious abandonment issues because his mom walked out when he was 10. But just because he has problems doesn't mean I have to put up with him. I wish the best for him, but he doesn't even realize he has a problem. So I have to let go.

Thank you so much for your responses. Like I said earlier, I'm pretty confident I know what to do. I just know it's going to be really hard, and I need some support. I know I've worn out a lot of my friends and family talking about him, and they hate to see me get so upset. But I'm finally not upset about it anymore. It hurts, but I've GOT to take care of myself and quit giving him control.

April 16, 2007
11:43 pm
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danielle7373
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Hi Shortcake - you must have been posting right as I was because I hadn't seen yours when I replied again.

Thank you soooo much for your thoughts. This website has been so valuable to be in the short time since I found it.

"Yes, you are having trouble but the first step is admitting something is wrong. That is where I am at. Maybe I am not doing everything right, but with every two steps forward, I only take one step back... In the long run, its improvement."

I hate regressing, but you make a good point - at least with every two steps forward I'm only taking one step back, too. Thankfully it's not the other way around anymore. I am progressing more than regressing!

I wish you the best in achieving more days with no contact. It is so hard, but so refreshing, too.

I really wouldn't be surprised if he ends up marrying this girl. He's said he likes her because he can lie to her... That used to hurt - to think he may marry her - but it's not the type of marriage I would want to be involved in, so I got over that pain real fast!

April 16, 2007
11:55 pm
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Zinnie
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Why would you waste your time on a man that openly lies to you and the other girl?

Not only that, sweetie if you believe that he does not have sex with this other woman (despite what he claims that she is not attractive to him), then I have some ocean front property in Kansas to sell you. Of course he is sleeping with her too, he just won't admit it to you.

Cut him loose, no explanations, no good-byes, no crying letters or e-mails, just let him go - and move on. This life is far to short to waste on someone like this.

Z.

April 17, 2007
12:04 am
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danielle7373
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Just to clarify - I know they're having sex. He's told me that. I know she doesn't know that he and I still do, though.

But you're right - he is a liar, and I need to quit wasting my time and hoping and blah blah blah... Thanks!!

I thought I could do the casual thing with him while he cheats on his girlfriend with me... but it hurts. It makes me realize I'm sleeping with someone I have no respect for.

April 17, 2007
12:39 am
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Zinnie
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My biggest concern would be "what is he potentially passing on to me while we are doing the casual thing?"

Remember, condoms do not prevent Genital Herpes and are not 100% safe. If he is sleeping with her, this is the one you know about. What about the ones you don't know about?

Not only that... he is sleeping with someone he does not have feelings for or does not feel attracted to? You really want to lie down with someone like that?

Regain your self respect and keep moving forward.

Z.

April 17, 2007
8:35 am
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Rasputin
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Danielle~

It sounds like you know what the right answer is and it hurts b/c you know it 's not easy.

That's why we are here to support you, encourage you, cheer you on and be with you in every step of the way.

An individual who takes advantage of people in dishonest way cannot be trusted and that's what should be your motivation to move on. Don't romanticize things for yourself. What you see now you will get...if you settle for this guy.

April 17, 2007
11:25 pm
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broken hearted woman
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i to am learning every day to take a step forward. i have been married for 23 years to a alcholic. i finally started speaking up the last 2 and 1/2 years about the problems it was causing in our marriage.he didint like it and would leave for weeks at a time and then come back.i finally took legal action and decided not to be walked all over anymore.it is the hardest thing i have ever done. i am now alone caring for three boys. he lives alone and found out he has a girlfriend before we were even legally divorced. he acts like he is the happiest man on earth and i struggle everyday.I still love him but have lost my trust and dignity in him.all i can do is pray someday he might wake up and smell the coffee. guess i will have to deal with that situation when and if it happens.

April 18, 2007
5:39 am
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nvr2late
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all..hmmm...I could give you 2 men's names and wonder if they are them!

please please please know that these men do not change...and you will only be the one that gets hurt!!!
because they are able to move on without dealing with anything...

it all comes back to bite them..believe me!!!

let that loser go...
it is difficult to be alone, I know..but I would rather be alone than lonely with someone I do not trust.

there are countless people on this site that have been through it..
and with great advice, not always what you want to hear, but no one is going to say to you...

'oh GO for it, wait it out...he will change and you will have a great life once he figures it out....just wait and put your life on hold until then....'

🙂
although we would LIKE to think it will work out that way, but these kind of men do not deserve us.
they really don't!!

you are progressing...sometimes it takes a little time to see that.

start living for YOURSELF...before doing anything or asking him 'what do you want...'ask yourself...
'what do I want?????'

you are the most important person in your life and you need to care about YOU more than he does...because he does NOT.

he will be a lonely lonely man.
but you cannot change that.

nvr

April 18, 2007
11:41 am
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nappy
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Danielle, you say that you need advice about a ex but by reading your post, I see that you are still hook by this man that you claim is your ex, you claim that he is seeing someone else and he is even having sex with the both of you.
I don't understand it. It is as plain as day that this situation is not going to change because you all is playing this game.
Either you except what he is given you and go on with your life because I don't see what the complaining is about. You are excepting everything that this man is doing to you, even given up your body just for him.
Having casual sex does not lead to anything that you want in life, it will leave your heart broken because that is when you have realize that it wasn't working. This man knows what he is doing. You feeling sorry for someone who is playing both you and the other girl.
I would start thinking more about myself then to be thinking about him. It is not his self esteem that is low, it is the womens that he is playing.
It is so sad to see womens now given so much of there power over to these mens that they already know is no good.
He is not your ex because you haven't put him in an ex situation yet.
Nappy!

April 18, 2007
4:20 pm
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danielle7373
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Nappy - you're right - he's not really an ex if we're still whatever. But since we broke up I just call him the ex because I know he's not my boyfriend anymore. But I made the decision to not have sex or kiss him or anything anymore because I do respect myself more than that. It's so hard though - although I know it's just me being weak.

I KNOW I'm better than that... I just don't feel it yet. But I'm trying!!

I saw him last night before I left for my trip this morning, and nothing sexual happened. He tried, but I said no. We watched a movie, and he left so I could go to bed.

nvr2late - you talk about being lonely, and when I arrived in D.C. this morning, the "loneliness" really sunk in. It's kinda scary and sad, but you're right that it's better to be alone than with a liar. I know I can be happy single!! I'm out of town for work until Sunday, and I "miss" him... but being out of town is a nice way to really start to cut ties with him.

I will always care about him because of the good times and because I feel sorry for him, but he's got his own problems, and I'm not going to give up my power to him anymore and hope he'll change!! I see who he is and that he's not someone I want to be with. I thought I could be okay with the casual sex, but I have no self-respect if I do that. It makes me feel worthless. So I can't do it anymore and now that I'm out of town for a few days, this is my "fresh start" to go back to almost no contact with him and to focus on ME!!

April 19, 2007
5:05 am
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foolfoolfool
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Hi Danielle, your story sounds VERY familiar (see thread "i thought it was just me")
I have been on this merry-go-round with my ex for 4 years now & i KNOW what you mean about still "loving" them & wanting them to be happy.... and that you wish they were in a successfull happy relationship because that would be SO much easier to "move on" from.
I very recently told my ex i would be her "affair" NO LONGER!!! & if she wanted to be with me she needed to get some help i.e: councelling etc and get rid of her "girlfriend" for GOOD.
We havent spoken much over the past few weeks but when we have she tells me "its SO

April 19, 2007
5:19 am
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foolfoolfool
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oops i pressed send by mistake...
So yeah, she tells me its SO hard to even know where to start fixing her life & that like with her gf is just 'easy". Apparently they dont "communicate" much & its all just about having someone to live with without the drama of commitment etc...
I have thought about this LONG & HARD & i really dont know if i am being "played" or not but i DO know that my ex is really making NO great effort to "do the right thing" by me & our love... Just more & more avoiding, like she's buying more time. Unfortunately the "time" she wants is actually MORE of my life... waiting... waiting, hoping & praying she will come to her senses & realise I am the love of her life & if she wants a happy & successful life with me she just has to do a very few "simple" things...
Respect my heart, & be faithful!!!!
SHE JUST DOESNT GET IT!
She just WONT make that sort of commitment....
And if i let this happen for one minute longer then I am being disrespectful & unfaithful to my own heart!!! And if i cant be those things to myself how in the hell can i expect anyone else to???
I hope my ramblings have helped you as much as reading your threads have helped me to see what im doing to myself.
Take care

April 19, 2007
8:08 am
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Robert123
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Oh the drama...'no contact' is the only way to go. This guy will reel you back in at his convenience.

So... what is it again that is so special about this guy? He must have something that no other guy has. Danielle, this guy is getting everything he can and lying to you to get it. I hope the words everyone here has shared will hit home for you and you will be able to step back from the situation and gain some perspective.

April 19, 2007
11:44 am
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danielle7373
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foolfoolfool - i will go read your thread now because your post meant so much. With my ex, he's with this new girl because it is easy. He doesn't have to think about anything. He keeps stringing me along, and I keep buying into, but like your ex, he has made no sincere effort to end his current relationship or to work things out for me.

Everyone's words here have meant so much, and I really am trying the no contact because I know everytime we talk I just end up feeling hurt and foolish for "wanting" to believe his lies. I am trying to have more self-respect than that and to stay strong. IT SUCKS THOUGH. I reallly feel like I'm nothign without am sometimes!!

Even though I know I'm better than this and I need to focus on my own life.

The only thing "special" about this guy is he happened to get me when I was at a low point in my life. I felt like nothing, and he made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. And now that I'm nothing to him, it's easy for me to go back to thinking I'm nothing.

But I'm trying to at least TELL myself I'm better than this, and as I stay strong and not get reeled back into him, I do feel better about myself. I'm trying to focus back on my career and my friends and family and not put my self-worth into some loser.

I've foolishly based my self-worth and my life on him for too long, and it's hard to "find" myself without him, but I'm trying, and it feels good - slowly - but good. I've got to do it for myself and not just run to some other unhealthy relationship.

April 19, 2007
1:16 pm
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Matteo
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"He's very controlling. Everything I do is wrong. Nothing is ever good enough. He thinks I give up on everything. He's mean. He's rude. I realize rationally I don't want to be with him."

I'm sorry if this may sound harsh, but as you've described it in your post, he is a manipulative liar and cheater and treats you as a booty call, and you feel sorry for him???? I would understand if you felt sorry for his new girlfriend, because it might take her long time to figure out what's going on since he is cheating on her with you from day one.

He is the one who makes everybody dance to his music and you feel sorry for him. I am sorry, I just don't understand. And he will make the music for as long as you will be dancing to it. If not you, then someone else. And where exactly is "the friendship" part, if he is all what you've said about him?

If I wanted someone for sex only, I would be the one playing, not dancing. Obviously you want more than sex, you want a relationship (with someone who cheats on his girlfriend), so you are not the one who is in control here. You choice, in my view is only one: no contact. I would contact the girlfriend, though; you might spare her many tears in the long run. Good luck!

April 19, 2007
1:40 pm
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danielle7373
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I do feel very sorry for the girlfriend. I have thought about contacting her to see if she wants to talk.

But I haven't because I don't feel it's my place. I know if I say anything, she's going to run and tell him. He will deny everything and say I'm making it up. And I don't know if I could deal with that.

So I don't know... I've justified it as it's best for me to just step aside and let them do their thing. Maybe she doesn't care that he cheats. I'm sure she has no self-esteem for putting up with him this long, so I'm sure if he were to admit it and apologize, she would stay with him and he would just keep doing it and keep apologizing.

I know she knows who I am, so if she wanted to know the truth, she would seek me out. She knows he and I still talk. And I know she has to realize he's not that good of a guy - she gets extremely pissed when he tells her he saw or talked to me, but does he stop? No. He keeps doing it, and she keeps getting mad about it again. So it's her problem now.

Either she knows he cheats and doesn't care, or she doesn't want to know because she's afraid of whatever. I have thought about telling her or at least leaving my number with a note that says "call me if you ever want to talk". But I think it might be best for me to just step aside and let them work it out because it's not my problem anymore.

He told me she sees me as "competition", and this isn't a competition I want to win - or even be a part of anymore. Who does that??? If you have to fight over a guy, he clearly doesn't love you. If he loved you, he wouldn't make you fight. And this is all what kinda made me realize I need to just let go.

I have been blind for tooooo long about this. I really appreciate everyone's insights and pointing out the stuff that I think is true but then begin to doubt. Am I the one that's wrong? Is he really just a good guy, and I'm just jealous that he moved on? Does any of it really matter?? No. I just need to focus all my energy on myself.

I sit here and wait - part of me wanting him to just call and apologize for everything and work things out, but who am I kidding? Even if he did that (which, yes, I realize he won't), I will never trust him again. Ever. Even if I never talk to him again and he were to call and say something about his life, I wouldn't believe him. So as much as part of me still just wants him back, I realize it's just not going to happen!!

I know I'm doing the right thing, and it will get easier as time goes on. But right now I haven't even gone 24 hours without talking to him, so it's hard. He called me last nite to say good-night. He said he'd call today. I said, "Okay."

I so badly just want to go back to obsessing over him and trying to make him want to be with me and all the stupid stuff... because it's easier. I don't have to deal with any pain from not having him in my life. But I hurt worse when he is in my life... so I don't even know what that means. I think it's just really hard for me to let go because I put everything into him. I thought he was this good guy who respected me and blah blah blah... and now I just see that I was wrong. I thought I had better judgement. But I was wrong. And it's kinda a slap in the face to be soooo wrong about someone you put so much into that person. But I also know it's my own fault or weakness, and now that I realize all this, I just have to move forward and quit getting sucked back into him!!

April 19, 2007
1:58 pm
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Matteo
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danielle7373 ~ if he was a good guy, he would tell you: sorry, I met someone else and I need to move on, not deny that he has a girlfriend, like he did. I don't think she doesn't care, she just cannot face the truth, she is scared of that. You are probably right that she has enough information and this is her problem now - if she can contact you and confirm her fears when she will be ready, it is better if you stay out of it.

Most likely he will keep calling you and bothering you to go back to him, so I guess unless you totally block him out of your life - it will be very difficult to maintain no contact. I know how hard it is to loose love, no matter what, but it gets better over time. Take care.

April 19, 2007
5:16 pm
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atalose
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danielle,

The real issue here is YOU and should remain on you. You need to figure out why YOU have such low self esteem to allow this guy to use you for sex. Why you would feel sorry and want to remains "friends" with someone who lies to you and is a cheat.
It's easy to put the focus on him and all his faults but you have been accepting those faults and that is something that lies in you that needs to be repaired. Who cares if he has borderline personality or not, that shouldn't matter at all to you, so what if he does, it's not going to change a dam thing except give you an excuse to continue your behavior in allowing him to use you and use his BP as his excuse.
And why are you feeling sorry for his girlfriend and not feeling sorry for yourself. The truth is if you truely felt sorry for her, you wouldn't have hooked up with him in the first place. All this drama and obsessing is what has you hooked, I'm not so sure it's actualy him at all but everthing that comes with him.
Do yourself a big favor and look into codependency, figure out why you feel so low about yourself to allow this to continue. I'll bet you felt better about yourself when you had no contact with him during that month. Being alone and feeling desperate make us do things we only regret like allowing some guy to use you.
Take control over your life instead of giving it to him, go back to the NO CONTACT or accept you will never get this guys respect, you already gave that up and it's so hard to get back besides he can't possible respect himself how would he ever respect someone else.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 19, 2007
5:32 pm
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taj64
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"So in the back of my head I see them getting married because she will put up with his lies - while I wouldn't. I feel sorry for her."

I think if he lies to her, he is probably lying to you. And you are basically doing what she is doing and that is putting up with his lies only most likely it won't be you he will get married to. A man that lies to the weekend girl will also tell lies to the weekday girl. Why do you want to settle for the weekday girl? Why do you want to spend time being in the middle of this relationship that is not your relationship to begin with. And it might seem bad but chances are it is not as bad as he is making it out to be or else he can walk his two legs out of it. The way I see it he is playing both of you. I would put this behind you, as it is not worth it. Even if he broke up with this girl and decided he wanted to see you agian, you probably would find yourself in the same shoes as this "poor soul" girlfriend is. I really do not think it is all that bad for this other couple or else they both can leave it but neither do so really your best option is to stay out of it and move on and meet yourself a better guy, more suitable for you.

April 19, 2007
6:05 pm
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nappy
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The way that I see this situation is that the ex- boyfriend is not stupid.
And boy is he playing both girls as a fool.
Both girls knows exactly what they are doing, just like he does. This been going on for how long.

You are worry about him, when I would be worry about if this man has gave me anything especially if you and him and her is not using protection.
Then when he is having sex with you, I would be wondering if he is thinking about me or is he thinking about her.
And since this ex knows that he is playing two girls, who to say that there is not a 3, 4, 5, etc.

Then you say that she knows who you are and if she wants the truth, then she can seek you out and then you two can talk. Talk about what? Him??????
Please what would you two be talking about. How good he is in bed? or What nights do we share him?

I bet if you two were to get into a fight over him , he wouldn't do nothing but sit back like he is the king and look out into what he has created.

The only thing that I can tell you sweetheart is that you need to be careful about your body. It is like playing with a loaded gun.

Nappy!

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