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Need parental advice re: abusive relationship
August 2, 2009
9:22 pm
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grammy123
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September 29, 2010
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Can anyone give me some solid parental advice? My adult daughter with 12 years of sobriety is in a live-in relationship with a much older man who has more than 20 years in recovery. They both attend meetings. They have 2 boys, ages 3 and 5. The man is verbally and emotionally abusive. Two weeks ago he ended their relationship... but did not move out. Rather his abuse is escalating. He favors the older son, and ignores or makes fun of the younger son. I've begged my daughter to leave but she doesn't want to leave the "safety" of the home. (What safety???) She's also concerned that by leaving she abdicates any rights she may have. She reads her Alanon literature and tries to detach. From my point of view this just seems a total pretense that things might turn out ok. Things are NOT OK!! I've asked her to take immediate action but she gets angry with me and says she must wait for the "right time." I believe this is a crisis situation, that she has been manipulated and she must separate from him for the health and safety of herself and her children. Her partner was sexually abused by his father and I'm terrified that this could be a set-up for abuse of either boy. Today I called my local crisis hotline and never got a return call. Please. Can anyone tell me what I should or shouldn't do??

August 3, 2009
7:50 am
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It No Longer Matters
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grammy, I don't know what to tell you, but I do think it is great that these boys have you. Can you spend extra time with the children, so that if something were "off" with one of them you could pick up on it? Really, right now your hands are tied. Good luck.

Bitsy

August 3, 2009
9:36 am
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Lanigirl
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Grammy,

Since you asked, I agree with Bitsy's advice but I want to take it one step further. Call CPS. I know there will be fall out but your daughter detaching isn't enough. Those kids can't detach from this situation.

My abuse damaged me and has caused reprocussions for my entire life.

August 4, 2009
5:01 am
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soofoo
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Grammy,
I agree that this is out of your hands. Your daughter obviously does not see the situation the same way you do. She is an adult. My advice to you as a parent is to back off from this problem and let your daughter handle it.

Enjoy your life. Enjoy your grandkids and your daughter. Learn how to love your daughter and your grandkids without meddling.

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