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need of someone to talk
October 21, 2000
10:48 am
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eli
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I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY THINGS INSIDE MY HEAD THAT I AM ALREADY FEELING THAT I AM GOING TO EXPLODE SOON. IT ALL BEGINS LIKE THIS; I AM MARRIED TO A VERY GOOD MAN AND HE HAS EVERYTHING THAT I WOMEN DESIRES(WELL THE MAYORITY). HE IS NOT PERFECT NEITHER AM I. WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER OF 1 YEAR AND 3 MONTHS FOR NOW. WE HAD A HOME BUT WE LOST EVERYTHING IN A FIRE AND THAT WAS 1 YEAR AND 6MONTHS AGO EVERYSINCE I AM STAYING AT MY MOTHER IN LAW HOUSE AND EVERYSINCE MY MARRIAGE IS A LIVING HELL. MY MOTHER IN LAW IS GETTING BETWEEN OUR MARRIAGE AND I THINK THAT TWO IS ENOUGH BUT THREE IS TO MUCH. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN STAND THIS ANYMORE YOU SEE BECAUSE I WAS DECIDING TO SEPARATED FROM MY HUSBAND SO THEY COULD LIVE HAPPY. WHY? I AM HIS WIFE AND SINCE THEN HE SPENDS MORE TIME WITH HIS MOTHER, WATCHES TV, GOES OUT WITH HER WITHOUT INVITING ME, EVEN BRINGS HER FOOD AND KNOWING THAT I HAVE NOT EATING NOTHING. WE HAD A ARGUMENT THE OTHER DAY BECAUSE I TOLD HIM THAT I NEEDED HIM TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH ME AND OUR BABY BUT HE JUST STAYS SHUT AND DOESN'T TALK TO ME. I FEEL SO ANGRY ALREADY I WANT TO GO HOME. I WANT TO HAVE MY MARRIAGE BACK BECAUSE I FEEL THAT EVERYTHING THAT WE HAVE FIGHT FOR IS GOING TO BE LOST. I LOVE HIM BUT HE DOESN'T LISTEN NEITHER HE TALKS TO ME ABOUT US. I NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME WHAT SHOULD I DO BECAUSE I THINK THAT HIS MOTHER IS GOING TO WIN BY BEING THE THIRD PERSON IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. I AM EVEN STARTING TO HATE HER FOR EVERYTHING THAT SHE IS DOING TO US. I THINK SOMETIMES THAT SHE IS DOING IT ON PURPOSE JUST TO GET ME MAD. PLEASE CAN SOMEONE LISTEN TO ME AND ADVISE ME OF WHAT TO DO TO FINISH THIS ANGER THAT I FEEL INSIDE AND THAT IT IS KILLING ME.

October 21, 2000
3:03 pm
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janes
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Stress

A major part of this problem (as I see it ) is stress. There is a stress scale around that rates stress in your (our) life. losing a home would be a major stress. Living with in-laws-another major stress.

This is REALLY hard for you. But think about what you would feel about your husband if he treated his mother like shit..... what kind of man would that be?

You are in a tough situation and it doesn't appear as if your husband is relating at all to how hard this all is for you. That just might be a typical male thing.

Are the two of you looking for another house? How long are you going to be with his mother?

If you can see the light at the end of this tunnel...then hang on...but if this is an indefinite thing...try to get him to sit down and talk to you about this.

She can only win if you let her...she is old and you are young. You can prevail but you need to be sensible about it because you don't want it to appear that you are jealous of your husband's MOTHER.

You can get out or you can work the problem to your advantage....

Let us know what is going on....

October 21, 2000
8:32 pm
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eli
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janes;

Thank you so much for your advise.
Believe me I am getting near the tunnel because I want to be in the light. I want peace for myself believe me ever since I am in my in laws I have been going through many mood behaviors. I am in a lot of stress it is not easy to people invaded your privacy. I love my privacy and do respect other people privacy. We have talked about getting another house thank God and I think that next year is going to be the year of my peace, no more in laws invading my privacy neither my husband is going to be sharing so much with his family putting my daughter and me in second place. I don't want him to forget them neither it is his family, neither I want him to treat his mother like shit because i don't accept that because I have my mother and I don't treat her like shit. My intensions are not for him to treat wrong anybody I just want him to spend time with me and our baby just like he does so easily with others. We are almost there of getting another house but so many things have happened that I don't know if I am going to resist.
I feel like if I am going to explode soon. It has not been easy I just want to go home, home, home just like Dorothy in the wizard of oz by the way it is one of my favorite classic movies. That is my desire, I want to go home.
thanks janes hope to read more about you. thank you so much for your advise. Please I am in lack of strenght I need all the support that you can give me.

October 22, 2000
7:08 am
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lost soul
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Hi eli

Thanks for the advises you have offered in my thread.

In fact 3 years ago, I have planed a second honeymoon with him but he is not enjoying himself.

I have done whatever neccessary to improve our relationship but as the saying goes " It takes two to tango "

Anyway, I am quite used to it now. I do not hope much now.
Because, once I stop to hope, I get less disapointment.

Once again thank you!

October 29, 2000
5:38 pm
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frida
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Hi Eli!
I think that there could be 3(irrational)misunderstandings.
(1) your husband is blaming you for what has happened, is therefore punishing you.
(2) feels guilty, can't deal with his guilt.
(3) feels that you are blaming him, or accusing him of not being strong enough, he is a failure for not being able to protect you. That's why he feels better when his mother is around.
I don't know if anyone of these situation is right, but think of it, maybe you will find a solution...
Hope you will soon be home.

October 30, 2000
11:35 am
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Brenda
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I always say it is fine for a man to love and respect his mother, BUT and a big BUT, his wife and children SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sorry to hear about your loss of your home, you are definitely grieving this major loss and anger and depression is a major part of grieving. I feel it would be good to change the rut and pattern you are stuck in now by getting a seperate place for your and your poor baby.
If your husband truly cares he will want you back with him, IN A HOME OF YOUR OWN. Your husband sounds immature, ungrateful and defintely inconsiderate for your feelings and your mutual childs. I pray that everything works out for the best for you Eli, god bless. Peace

November 1, 2000
1:14 pm
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Messy
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If your husband is married to his mother and this seems to be the case then go on with your life. You have a daughter and yourself to care about. You have alot of stressors on your back and I feel as if you need to focus on them instead of a man who doesn;t realize that he is not married to his mom

November 1, 2000
10:10 pm
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janes
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You may need to be firm and put your proveribal foot down. Maybe just with her. Not rudely not mean...."I know we have invaded your space...but I need you to stay out of our things.

Let the in laws watch the baby and YOU set a time for you and your husband to go out.

Plan a weekend at your mom's for the baby and you and your husband get away for an evening or weekend.

Be sneaky...win him back.

good luck

February 26, 2001
2:08 pm
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eli
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HELLO EVERYONE:

I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE THAT GAVE ME AN ADVISE. I WILL LIKE TO INFORM TO ALL OF YOU THAT I AM GETTING A HOUSE, THAT MEANS THAT I AM OUT OF THIS INFERNO. AT LAST I AM GOING TO HAVE MY PRIVACY AND MY HUSBAND BACK, I HOPE THAT IS NOT TO LATE. LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS AFTER WE GET THE HOUSE. THANK YOU ALL AGAIN FOR BEING THERE FOR ME.

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