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June 8, 2010
1:31 am
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jazzychef
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I am raising my 19 month old grandbaby. Recently a friend needed a place to stay and I let him move into spare room. Now my granddaughter is grabbing his crotch. Is this something he has had her do to him?

June 8, 2010
1:51 am
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_anonymous
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jazzychef- Hi. The priority is your grand daughters safety. The fact that you would even need to ask this question with such urgency tells me that you know something is not right here.

What can you do to get your grandaughter to safety right away?

After what you just said do you think you should have your grand daughter around this man?

June 8, 2010
9:58 am
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StronginHim77
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Get him out TODAY.

- Ma Strong

June 8, 2010
11:45 am
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Anonymous
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Take my advice as a victom of child molestation trust that feeling your having for the childs sake.

June 8, 2010
12:41 pm
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chelonia mydas
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(((Jazzychef)))

Could you provide a little more info on the situation? Is she purposefully grabbing just his crotch? Is she grabbing at anything in general and happened to grab his crotch as she was exporing her environment?

It is normal for toddlers to be curious about everything and not realize that it is inappropriate to grab at anyone's crotch. At the same time if she is acting like his crotch is her new favorite toy, then I'd be concerned.

I'd encourage you to seek advice from your peditrician, you can share in detail about her behavior and get their perspective on the situation.

Are there other reasons why you might think this guy would be inappropriate with your granddaughter? What was his reaction to having his crotch grabbed by her? If there is more to his story than that is something to consider too.

I remember a recent incident when I was at a friends house and their 2 year old was climbing into his dads lap when he accidently touched his crotch, noticed the bulge, asked what it was, was told it was his penis. There was a brief discussion about it not being OK to touch someone's penis. The child accepted that and sat in his dad's lap for a while then continued playing. Kids are just learning about all body parts and need information and instruction from their caregivers. If they happen to grab by accident, then its just part of learning. But without more info, I don't know if this was the case.

But again it goes back to the context of the crotch grabbing. If you have a gut feeling that it was inappropriate I'd seek advice from your peditrician and ask the man to leave if you feel he is a threat to your granddaughter. If you are just over cautious, then monitor the situation and explore the reasons why you feel this way.

Another scenario is that she has been taught by someone else to grab crotches and is just acting this out on this other guy.

Thank you for putting the best interests of your grandchild first and doing all you can to keep her safe.

June 8, 2010
12:59 pm
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jazzychef
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chelonia mydas
She is purposely grabbing his crotch. She has not done this to anyone else. I do not know what she was exposed to before she came to live with me in Feb. Her mother was on drugs and had her around a lot of different men in very bad situations. But I have not observed her doing this to anyone else that comes to the house.

June 8, 2010
1:29 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Jazzy,

This does seem to be more than just normal toddler exploration, especially if she is fixated on his crotch. That's not good irregardless of where she learned to do that.

If I was in your situation, I would take her to the peditrician immediately for a referral to someone who can evaluate the cause this behavior and give her the support she needs to recover.

I would also ask the guy to leave TODAY. Irregardless if he taught her to to this or she learned it someplace else, he is allowing her to continue the behavior which is inappropriate. Especially if this is a continuing or frequent occurance. Anyone with the childs best interests in mind would not tolerate them to grab their privates. They would provide instruction in what is good touch and bad touch. From what you have posted, it seems he is encouraging bad touch. He is an adult and can find another place to stay, even if it is a shelter. He needs to be removed from your granddaughter.

June 8, 2010
1:48 pm
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LouWho
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Look at it this way...

If a week down the line some more inappropriate behavior arises, how do you explain that you didn't remove the threat when the first red flags arose? Even if we are not talking about explicit naked touching or sexual play, there is something wrong and disturbingly indicative and provocative about this behavior. He must leave today.

You are the only one who can protect the child; a "friend" will understand this.

Then I would also begin investigating all the child's contacts-something has a foul stench here, you need to get to the bottom of this now. It's too late once the child has been molested, and chances are that this is either happening somewhere in her contact base or is about to. I don't know any adult that was molested as a child that wasn't deeply tormented by this memory.

June 8, 2010
3:21 pm
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Poetry
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think of it this way........If it was questionable then something must not be right!!!

June 8, 2010
12:00 am
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jazzychef
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September 30, 2010
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I am
raising my 19 month old grandbaby. Recently a friend needed a place
to stay and I let him move into spare room. Now my granddaughter is
grabbing his crotch. Is this something he has had her do to
him?

June 8, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
_anonymous
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

jazzychef- Hi. The priority is your grand daughters safety. The
fact that you would even need to ask this question with such
urgency tells me that you know something is not right
here.

What can you do to
get your grandaughter to safety right away?

After what you
just said do you think you should have your grand daughter around
this man?

June 8, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Get
him out TODAY.

- Ma
Strong

June 8, 2010
12:00 am
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Ds starting over
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September 30, 2010
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Take
my advice as a victom of child molestation trust that feeling your
having for the childs sake.

June 8, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Jazzychef)))

Could you provide
a little more info on the situation? Is she purposefully grabbing
just his crotch? Is she grabbing at anything in general and
happened to grab his crotch as she was exporing her
environment?

It is normal for
toddlers to be curious about everything and not realize that it is
inappropriate to grab at anyone's crotch. At the same time if she
is acting like his crotch is her new favorite toy, then I'd be
concerned.

I'd encourage you
to seek advice from your peditrician, you can share in detail about
her behavior and get their perspective on the situation.

Are there other
reasons why you might think this guy would be inappropriate with
your granddaughter? What was his reaction to having his crotch
grabbed by her? If there is more to his story than that is
something to consider too.

I remember a
recent incident when I was at a friends house and their 2 year old
was climbing into his dads lap when he accidently touched his
crotch, noticed the bulge, asked what it was, was told it was his
penis. There was a brief discussion about it not being OK to touch
someone's penis. The child accepted that and sat in his dad's lap
for a while then continued playing. Kids are just learning about
all body parts and need information and instruction from their
caregivers. If they happen to grab by accident, then its just part
of learning. But without more info, I don't know if this was the
case.

But again it goes
back to the context of the crotch grabbing. If you have a gut
feeling that it was inappropriate I'd seek advice from your
peditrician and ask the man to leave if you feel he is a threat to
your granddaughter. If you are just over cautious, then monitor the
situation and explore the reasons why you feel this way.

Another scenario
is that she has been taught by someone else to grab crotches and is
just acting this out on this other guy.

Thank you for
putting the best interests of your grandchild first and doing all
you can to keep her safe.

June 8, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
jazzychef
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

chelonia mydas She is purposely grabbing his crotch. She has
not done this to anyone else. I do not know what she was exposed to
before she came to live with me in Feb. Her mother was on drugs and
had her around a lot of different men in very bad situations. But I
have not observed her doing this to anyone else that comes to the
house.

June 8, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Jazzy,

This does seem to
be more than just normal toddler exploration, especially if she is
fixated on his crotch. That's not good irregardless of where she
learned to do that.

If I was in your
situation, I would take her to the peditrician immediately for a
referral to someone who can evaluate the cause this behavior and
give her the support she needs to recover.

I would also ask
the guy to leave TODAY. Irregardless if he taught her to to this or
she learned it someplace else, he is allowing her to continue the
behavior which is inappropriate. Especially if this is a continuing
or frequent occurance. Anyone with the childs best interests in
mind would not tolerate them to grab their privates. They would
provide instruction in what is good touch and bad touch. From what
you have posted, it seems he is encouraging bad touch. He is an
adult and can find another place to stay, even if it is a shelter.
He needs to be removed from your granddaughter.

June 8, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
LouWho
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Look
at it this way...

If a week down the
line some more inappropriate behavior arises, how do you explain
that you didn't remove the threat when the first red flags arose?
Even if we are not talking about explicit naked touching or sexual
play, there is something wrong and disturbingly indicative and
provocative about this behavior. He must leave today.

You are the only
one who can protect the child; a "friend" will understand
this.

Then I would also
begin investigating all the child's contacts-something has a foul
stench here, you need to get to the bottom of this now. It's too
late once the child has been molested, and chances are that this is
either happening somewhere in her contact base or is about to. I
don't know any adult that was molested as a child that wasn't
deeply tormented by this memory.

June 8, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
Poetry
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

think
of it this way........If it was questionable then something must
not be right!!!

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