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Need help with the step-children
December 30, 2007
7:56 pm
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Heavyheart2
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I remarried in Dec, 2005 and accepted the situation at the time. When we started dating the children we 6, 8, and 10 and all had different fathers. The youngest is the only one that is his and will be 10 in Jan. One issue is that the youngest still has bathroom issues. If he wets during the night it doesn't bother him, he would go all day. I now make him wear pull-ups at night and make him change first thing in the morning. It will tell me when he changes that he was dry all night and seems to be excited about it. He will also do it during the day as well as soiling unless you are on him about going to the bathroom. He will stand in front of you if you confront him about and lie. I thru a huge fit in the beginning that this was being ignored. He has been to a dr that said he was just lazy but should be started on fiber. His mom refuses because he should get that from what she cooks. My husband and I also took him to counseling with no insight to what was going on. "he will grow out of it". OMG send me over the edge please. We use to get all the children but now just the youngest 2 since the other father decided to be a dad. The mom has had many boyfriends and she makes the kids call them dad (she says out of respect). My husband has tried to put a stop to it but i think the kids have just been told not to tell us about it. When she leaves them she gets restraining orders against all of them and terrifys the kids. I can't to think all this instability might have something to do with the childs issues. We don't have the best relationship with the mother and we only get them everyother weekend. Its hard to get a handle on it. Our next step will be to try and get custody. We think the middle childs dad would sign over parental rights. He hasn't seen her in 3 years. Head spinning yet?

December 30, 2007
8:57 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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yeah head is spinning. Sounds like the bathroom problem one feels like he has no control over his life and is controlling the one thing he can......sounds like you are handling it well.

It is so hard when the kids are caught between two families and one side is activiely destroying any normal life the kids could have.

i hope you and your husband can work togeether and keep up a front of united parenthood. then they can have at least an idea of normalcy.

January 2, 2008
12:30 pm
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Heavyheart2
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Hello there, the children are coming this weekend and i can already feel the stress. Not the stress that they cause but.............but, what? All the built up issues with their mother and all the games. I know the stress is there because my husband can even since it. I had Christmas planned with the kids planned for our weekend which was the weekend before Christmas. We were going to celebrate one of their birthdays on Saturday and then have our Christmas that night with my daughter (22) who was home from college. Instead she called my husband and told him we couldn't have the kids because she having a birthday party. They live a ways away which screwed us on spliting the holiday and i had to work Christmas. Fine, great and all my other cynical remarks. Then she called at 8:30 the next morning asking if we were getting the kids ipods because they wanted to buy them with their Christmas money. Of course, i had bought them and told her no because she would have told them that is why they couldn't buy them. I took them back. In the past she has told us what to get them and then told them what they were getting. My husband doesn't understand why i let her get to me. She makes my head feel like it is going to blow off.

January 2, 2008
3:34 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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sounds like she really is getting to you and it sounds like you trying your best in a very trying situation. My husband's ex wife used to be very much the same--until the kids got in their teens and figured out which parent was the sane one and started voicing their own opinions about what they wanted to do.

I hope you don't have to wait until then. hopefully you can grit your teeth and stick it out for the kids' sake.

January 2, 2008
5:46 pm
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Heavyheart2
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Thanks for your reply. I told you about getting ripped off on our weekend which was the middle ones birthday (not his remember). We decided to go shopping that day and have lunch together. When we got home there was a message on our phone that said.............'UHHH YEA, ITS YOUR DAUGGGGHTTTTERS BIRTHHHHHDAYYY. MAYBE YOU COULD CALL HERRRR". The message was left at noon. Hello.....give us a damn chance. I never had any trouble with her until last Feb. The boy needed his hair cut and had a big red streak down the middle of it. I said "oh your dad is going to have a fit". I know, he said. The girl and i stayed in our pjs the next morning and watched a movie and my husband took his son and they had their hair cut. Several days after we took the kids home she called him and said the kids were hysterically crying because i wouldn't quit talking about them. That is something i have never aloud in front of the kids so of course he knew better. He never even said anything to me about it. Really, why bother? The next time he picked up the kids he asked them if i have ever done such a thing and they both said no. Then what is your moms problem. "Dad she is just mad because she took him to get his hair cut and mom is the mom". "But she didn't, i did." Oh yea. Anyway, makes me wonder if she had them so upset that they didn't even know who went.

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