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Need help with an abuse problem.
June 15, 2006
1:00 am
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tinkrbell
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I have a friend that has an 8 year old daughter. Her and her ex husband share custody of her. He is British and in the military in AZ. According to the child he did several things to her which she described in perfect detail. There was a report on audio tape made by the county sheriffs dept. and she was recorded on DVD by the military telling them both what her daddy had made her do. I can't go into to much detail because it makes me sick to even think about it. Now COS has removed her from the his home in AZ and his base commander has had an order of protection put against him for the child. Her mom is here in Arkansas trying desperatly to get her back but is seems as though no one really listens to the child ot to her mother. She has never made any alligations against her mother yet she feels like she is being persucuted for wanting her child here with her. The military seems to be covering it all up but once CPS got a hold of the DVD they had no choice but to remove her from her daddys care.

It seems so hopeless and I just don't know what to tell her to do. I have been there for her thru all of this mess and I feel like I'm not helping at all. Nyone have any suggestions as to how we can speed this process up?

tink

June 15, 2006
1:33 am
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mamacinnamon
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Does she have anyone in her family that is military or that practices militqry law? If not, start writing her congress folks. Call them until she can get an appointment.

Has she seen the cd? Does she know how to get ahold of it? I'd advise her to not watch it but to keep it in a very safe place to use if need be.

i don't know much about military law, but they seem to not want lay folks involved. I have a friend whose hubby is longterm military. I'll see what I can find out tomorrow.

June 15, 2006
1:35 am
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milwife
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Get her into counseling NOW. Talk to the therapist. Try to find a therapist who specializes in this.

Second step -- get a lawyer NOW.

Third step -- call the base down there in AZ, speak with Family Services. Tell them the situation, and that you want to come down to be with the child. They can't bar her from the child unless they get an EPO against her.

The therapist will be able to vouch for her fitness as a parent. Even if she can't get in immediately, the fact that she has taken that step for that reason will count for her. The lawyer will be able to help her through the maze. And military family services programs are in place to deal with exactly this sort of thing. Another place on base she can go to is the chaplain's office; they are wonderful and will help her get through the maze that is military bureaucracy.

When she talks to family services, have her ask about getting on base. or she can call her husband's command and ask for contact information for the ombudsman. An ombudsman is a military spouse specially trained to help military families through military crises.

Somewhere, someone will help her. Everyone's concerned about a child in this sort of situation.

The biggest problem: she is likely to need to commit to being down there for at least a week, and possibly indefinitely depending on what is going on.

j

June 15, 2006
7:32 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Tinkrbell:

I spoke to my friend and he said that milwife is right on track. Good advice milwife.

June 16, 2006
12:05 am
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tinkrbell
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Thank you guys for all your help.

The child is in the custody of AZ CPS. They are really concerned that the child has been coached by her father into making all of the abuse alligations sound like her mother put it into her head. Now come on...I was the childs tutor for 5 months and one day out of the blue she strats telling me all the things she was telling everyone else. Imagine my shock.My friend has a lawyer and so does the child. The father refused to take a lie detector test and sign the forster parent papers so he's looking pretty guilty right now despite his brainwashing of the child. He refuses to talk to her daddy on the phone and she has made it perfectly clear that she does not want to ever go back, so that should say something.

My friend calls every day and talks to CPS to check on ther child. They seem to be supportive but things are moving so slow. The JAG office on base really wants to press charges but they have made it clear that they don't want to step on any toes when it comes to CPS. My friend recieved a copy of the DVD today from the Jag office. She was present when the recording took place. She was behind a 2 way mirror watching and listening with a member of the military.

I just don't understand how he can just think he can get away with this. He has done some really horrible things to this child and I am so afraid of the issues she will continue to face thru out her life.

My friend is doing everything she can and has cooperatted to the nines with the military and CPS. It just seems so hopeless for her I just don't know what to say.

Thank you guys so much for listening to me. I needed your support and love.
That which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

tink

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