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Need Help Turning Around!!!
February 1, 2001
7:34 pm
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Molly
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I am so sorry for you, it is so hard, but on the other hand this is not something that you cannot deal with. It just seems like lots of dark clouds that need to blow away for the sunshine to break through. Now its your job to either find a way to celebrate the clouds when they are there, or blow them away for the sunshine to break through. I usually tell my clients, and used to have my girls when they had a rough experience, to breath real deep several times in with the good and out with the bad. So even though your lungs are 1/4 the size, take in what good you can, and blow out the best you can. Your Dad and Mom must have been raised by screamers, thus they learned to scream. I have seen this before, I am sorta a loud person my self, compared to some people that have been taught to whisper by whispering parents. So for the time being endur, that is the best I can do. I have an idea why mom put no on the camp form, it might be that she doesn't want you to be labeled as different. Do you want to go to camp? Look at it as a chance to get away from dear ole dad and mom! Dad's can sometimes be insensitive, shucks you read the thread's men can be insensitive, they try hard, and unfortunately are human. Trust me on this they want you to be happy, and might be making a mess of things in the process, but I am sure they are doing the best that they can do. Don't pretend to be busy, be busy. Since you have access to this you have access to the internet, explore. Start making a life plan, like look into the career sections, and see what sounds interesting for you to learn for college, and later for a profession. Look at colleges, check out future scholarships, and grants. Start some art work, do cross stich, or knit, lost female arts, maybe try sewing, these are all very good things to keep the focus, and occupied. hey reasurch your health issues, grow herbs, learn the art of herbs, all sorts of things to do, but I know when your stuck its hard to do, far less think about it. Don't forget to read read read. My mom used to tell me a one liner that used to piss me off, but..
I used to feel sad because I didn't get the new shoes I wanted until I saw the woman with no feet. One of my co-workers just took a part time job working with teen age girls in a group home. The stories that she has heard, and shared with me are so sad. These girls are between 14-18 and have been taken from their homes away from their families due to abuse of all sorts. Despite how hard it is, or has been for you, it seems that you have a roof over your head, two parents, food, medical attention, school, and maybe get to go to camp. There are so many children on the streets, I mean think about it, you could live in India right now, and maybe you could do something of a community effort to raise funds for medical attention for children in need or something like that. It could keep you busy????????????????? I'm in California, maybe you could figure out how to make electricity? Its our personal responsibility to rise to our own occasion, and we have the skills to do it. It is our job to love our selves, and if we don't love our selves through our own internal process of self worth, we can't get it on the out side,or through others, and that is what blows the dark clouds away. Now try to smile, it changes the brain chemestry. 🙂

February 1, 2001
10:34 pm
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GothicGirl
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Hey Molly I have been trying so hard lately to keep up beat and keep laughing even though I feel like crap inside. I am in Girl Scouts and right now I am working on my silver award project. I am collecting books to give to kids at my areas County Hospital. It's a lot of work and I also volunteer at the hospital in the summer. I keep trying to be happy but then there is this little part of me that is always down and just waiting to be triggered to make it worse. But I am slowly trying to getbetter it is going slower now that I don't see my psyciatrist and more because my mom thinks I don't need it and I am " normal" again. But what can I do ya know. Well thanx for your support

February 1, 2001
10:45 pm
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GothicGirl
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Hey Molly I have been trying so hard lately to keep up beat and keep laughing even though I feel like crap inside. I am in Girl Scouts and right now I am working on my silver award project. I am collecting books to give to kids at my areas County Hospital. It's a lot of work and I also volunteer at the hospital in the summer. I keep trying to be happy but then there is this little part of me that is always down and just waiting to be triggered to make it worse. But I am slowly trying to getbetter it is going slower now that I don't see my psyciatrist and more because my mom thinks I don't need it and I am " normal" again. But what can I do ya know. Well thanx for your support

February 2, 2001
11:54 am
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Cici
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Gothic girl,

My sponsor at my internship said something really interested yeaterday, during a one-on-one counselling session. He said, "Your thoughts control your emotions, your emotions don't control your thoughts." I thought that was a very powerful statement.

This morning when I woke up, I was pretty down. I've had a stressful week, I am exhausted, I have even more stressful things coming up this weekend, next week....for a long time to come. I felt crappy. Then I thought, why am I feeling crappy? There's no logical reason.

It's just a way of distancing yourself from those negative emotions and thinking about how you can either change it around or address the problem, without letting those strong emotions cloud your judgement.

February 2, 2001
5:22 pm
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GothicGirl
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I am always trying to figure out some way to make me actually be happy and in a good mood instead of just be an actress in my life playing my role of being happy. But I will try to be happy and it will be gone in good for say an hour then either something happens or I have to much time to think and I get all down again and it takes awhile to make it better and be happy again. It's a vicious cycle and I wish I could stay at the top for awhile.

February 2, 2001
6:07 pm
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Brenda
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quit acting gothic girl, be real, you need to connect to those feelings and understand that you have little or no love in your life this is why you feel so down all the time. You need to continue with therepy and get real with your therapist and your parents. If your mum chooses to be in denial about how troubled you really are then let her, but only YOU can take care of you. I believe in you, you can do it, and i used to be in the punk movement so i know all about the goth thing.
I also know it attracts a lot of like energy depressed and confused people as well as artistic and sensitives.
take car4e
your friend
brenda

February 2, 2001
6:08 pm
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Brenda
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cici, in respects to your work at the maximum facility, it is sad to learn that a large percentage of your clients and inmates are schizophrenic. why are nt these guys in the hospitol? I also thought it was a rare thing for a schizophrenic to be violent?
God bless you and your work, they have a florence nightingale in your girl.
🙂

February 2, 2001
6:09 pm
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Molly
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Gothic Girl, none of us, to the best of my knowledge are able to maintain that happy feeling for long, its like a gift, in the middle of life. Like how often do you hear a really good joke, that makes you laugh out loud, don't know about you but not often for me. Learning to handle the down time, is a trick, part of the growing up process, that is why it is so easy for teen's and adults to turn to substance abuse. Day to day life is boring dull, a challenge and sometimes painful and disappointing. But then whops, a good joke, a great surprise, a beautiful flower. It is right now the important part of your responsibility of your all of 14 years to get through the day, and say I learned something, and smile at the gift of what you learned. An easy to get the gift is to give a gift, like smiling at the exhausted check out girl, making eye contact, watching her smile back at you, and feeling good that you were able to make that person forget that they were exhausted for one second, and smile. No go see how many smiles you can create in just one day, and see how you feel.
I have another idea for a project for you, my youngest daughter, just last night shared with me that she is doing Pet Therapy as a school project. She takes animals from the local shelter, and takes them to old folks homes for an hour or so. She says it makes everybody happy, and she feels like she has done something important. Good to hear your in Girl Scouts, I think that is great. How are your grades, and what do you think you want to do when you grow up. Write to ya on Monday, I get to get out of town for the weekend, a long rest needed, and one of my favorite places Ensenada Mexico. Take care.

February 2, 2001
9:39 pm
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GothicGirl
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I want to quite acting but I feel if I do I am letting people down because I am not happy and stuff and I am not normal. I want to continue going to my psyciatrist but my mom cancled all of my appoinments and I feel in the wrong to tell her to re scheduale because I have been lying this whole time. I guess my mom may be in denial because she is a special ed teacher and she doesn't want to see one of her very own kids like that. I have average grades in school. This year they have been kind of bouncing everywhere some classes As some classes D-s barely slipping by it's been hard for me the last couple fo years. And I know I shouldn't be blaming it on anything but in my mind I believe it has something to do with my untreated ADD butI know that is no excuse. I want to be a psyciatrist myself when I get older. Well I don't really know what else to say so reply when you can.

February 3, 2001
8:31 am
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janes
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Scxrew the idea that YOU are letting people down if you DON"T ACT HAPPY.

If you aren't honest with people NOW then it isn't ever going to be any easier.

"Mom...I need you to reschedule those appts. because I don't feel better and I don't want to make you sad BUT..I can't keep acting okay when I'm not"

Look..I'm in special ed too and YOU are not like "One of them"

If your grades have been alright then you can control or work with at least yorr untreated ADD. If your grades have been okay then you are not retarded (trust me I'm a special ed teacher too.)

You may have some emotional problems but I AM SURE YOUR MOM WOULD RATHER HAVE YOU GET TREATMENT THAN NOT GET TREATMENT.

Start being HONEST with how you are...it's one way to get help!!!

February 3, 2001
10:30 am
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GothicGirl
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So I am going to talk to my school counselor on Monday and see if she has any ideas on how I could talk to my mom. I was going to talk to her yesterday (Friday) but something came up that she had to deal with so being the nice person I am I told herI could wait till Monday. I am trying real hard to self treat my ADD it's pretty hard but I am dealing. I have tried to be more oragnized and things and I registered for and orginzational class for my sophmore year.(I didn't let my mom know about that though) Hopefully maybe some time I can be honest with my mom.I just wish that I could tell just her and not my dad cause my dad starts yelling and telling me it's crap, I am weak and I am putting to much stress on the family. Then I wish my mom wouldn't react the way she does. I will wake up at 1 in the morning to my mom standing over me crying which doesn't help much. So hopefully I can figure out a way to tell her on Monday since I always put my needs last.

February 5, 2001
8:25 pm
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Molly
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Whoa, girl, your waking up to your mom crying over your bed at 1 am crying, either mom is aware of your turmoil, and is lost, or she sure has a bag of problems on her own which are overloading on to you. Dad sounds like an ass, sorry but dad's can be, so language out loud that we need help and go for it.

February 6, 2001
4:00 pm
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GothicGirl
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Molly,
Thanks for the advice I talked to my school counselor and she called my mom. Well my mom got all upset again and stuff and she was like half yelling half crying and stuff. But hopefully I can find the help i need and get bettter.

February 6, 2001
7:49 pm
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Molly
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Understand that possibly mom's yelling is because she is scared and does not know what to do. We all want to think as parents that we know what is best and that we are doing the right things, and when our denial is shattered, we just go damn wierd. So keep love in your heart, only look at things in a loving way, and know that they love you, and will learn. You will get the help you need, keep on.

February 6, 2001
9:27 pm
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My psycologist called today she is on vacation till MArch 1st and well I really don't want to go back to her anywaz I just got off on the wrong foot with her and she was just well to old. Even my mom said she didn't see mlike a child psycologist. Well I hope I can find someone different. I don't believe my mom told my dad and I hope she doesn't. and she keeps saying why am I like this what did she do wrong and it is driving me all out nuts!!! Well there is a lot changing this week and I am afraid I am not going to get the attention I need at home or anywhere. Which isn't unusual but I mean it would actually be nice to get a little attention sometimes. Well I better go now.

February 7, 2001
7:23 am
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janes
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Hey....there is a good thing for you to agree with your mom on....getting a new therapist.

You are right...find one that you can relate too. That doesn't mean she/he is going to agree with you about everything just that you will have more of a comfprt zone.

And if your mom was half crying you are half way there...at least it isn't total denial!

When you wake up with her crying over you at 1 am give her a hug and tell her you can get through it with her help.

sounds like you almost have a support group there.

February 7, 2001
3:27 pm
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GothicGirl
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My mom asked me if I wanted to go back to my current psycologist I don't know if her mind when blank or if she just doesn't get it. Well yeah my life is up in arms again I guess I have to wait a couple days for it to settle down then anaylize everything that has happened. Well I better go now I am falling behind in homework again.

February 7, 2001
4:49 pm
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Molly
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Mom is just as confused as you are, and don't spend any time analyzing anything. Focus on being happy, focus on your homework and success. Just chill, and be cool

February 10, 2001
3:26 pm
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GothicGirl
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So well my mom is so been always taking her stress out on me and my sisters. The other day I was crying about something down in my room and she came down and hit me(so of course I cried more) and said that crying never helped anything and that she didn't have the time to deal with me after spending an hour in trafic.

February 12, 2001
6:21 pm
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Molly
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try reading Toxic parents. Sorry about mom.

February 18, 2001
9:58 pm
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GothicGirl
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This weeend I was going through my drawers and well I found my "box." It had my razor my lighter and a old pack of cigarettes some pills and even some LSD it was like opening my past.And didn't use any of it but I got to thinking that I haven't really quit I mean if I were at party or something where I was offered I might or if I was given the opprutunity. This is very hard for me to figure out in my head right now. I don't know if I want to be the new me or go back to my old ways. Am I being myself now or was the old way the real me. Was it really meant that I quit? So many questions I don't know what to do I thought I was on my way to being the normal perfect kid everyone wants me to be then I opened up a box of my past and I am at a total loss.

February 19, 2001
6:08 pm
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Molly
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Toss the box. You are you, and learning, learn to love, learn to live, learn to risk, learn to do good vs bad things to your self.

February 19, 2001
6:50 pm
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GothicGirl
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I am trying to get rid of it but there is a little part of me that just won't letr me. So I put it back in my drawer for now.

February 19, 2001
10:06 pm
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Molly
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That sounds like a set up for failure. Why would you keep it? All of the stuff that you listed serves you in no possible way except for a very dangerous escape. Smoking with your lungs? If I remember that was a physical problem that you listed. LSD, it could be the last trip you ever see, and there is so many wonderful sights in the world. And well cutting, I don't even know where to begin with that one, other than when you are older and have it together you look at your body and remember the suffering of your youth, like there wouldn't be other memories that you would choose to remember? come on. This may seem like hell to you right now, but it is only temporary, I swear. soon you will be on your own, and what you do with your time right now, will make a difference on how easy the future is for you. Think future. Make a plan, the type of plan that serves you, think about the day you graduate from high school, and can walk out the door, drive off in your car and go where ever you want to go, think Big Sur, look it up on the web, think Aspen, think anywhere that presents opportunities for dreams, and make the dreams come true. I wish I could hold you in my arms, and surround you with the love that you need, and tell you that together we can conqure the world, but in the end it is all up to you, with the love you crave and deserve, there is never enough until you decide to do good things for your self, and love your self, you can't even feel it, so I wish for you a complete change of heart with no going backwards.

February 21, 2001
7:00 am
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GothicGirl
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I don't know what to do I know I shouldn't resort to anything of the past but lately it seems like my whole world has been shook again like a snow glode everything had been settled but someone came along and shook it up and now its all over the place again. Smoking I guess I king of did to rebel I did it knowing I could make my conditions worse but I said screw it and that I didn't care and that I was going to dye anywayz why not have some fun. Yesterday was the first time in awhile I thought about cutting but I couldn't because I had to be there for my friend in crisis. But the thought was still there with me. It was there well I went to school well I was at art club and well I came home and talked to my friend. I didn't do it but the thought was there.

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