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Need Help for broken heart
September 25, 2006
3:43 pm
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VelvetHeart
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My ex-bf of 2 yrs ended our relationship with a 2 line e-mail! He had moved 5 hrs away back in Jan. to take a new job and we had plans that I would move with him when I found a job also. But first I needed to sell my condo and finalize my divorce. We used to talk on the phone almost every night. Then he started turning off his cell phone. I was pissed, so I called him at work and asked why he didn't want to talk to me... Then I asked if he was *ucking around and he said Yes and hung up! Then he emailed me saying I had my chance to move down there, that I didn't even try, and that my husband is getting the divorce from Texas and I have no one to blame but myself. Goodbye. That's how he ended it, I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me and it's been a month. I'm still having a hard time with this and trying to move on and realize he's got problems and he's disrespectful to say the least. Any thoughts or advice would be most appreciated.

September 25, 2006
4:48 pm
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ShortCake
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VelvetHeart,

You have come to the right website. This website is a place for you to vent all your emotions and feelings. There are so many kind people with lots of great advice here. I am new to this site, but I am grateful for all the great advice I have read.

Please tell more about what your going through... What was your ex-bf like when you were together? Did he show signs of other issues?

I know its tough dealing with all the emotions and pain. It sounds like there was no form of real closure do to him not being willing to talk or open up. If you can write more about your situation it will help you vent and will provide more of a background for others to offer great support.

Keep your head up, breakups are hard. Understanding what went wrong is even harder. Don't beat yourself up. Its sounds like you were in the relationship, while he was not fully ready to make a true commitment.

How often did you see one another after he moved?

shortcake

September 25, 2006
5:06 pm
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taj64
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Hi! Breakups are hard! And that is a harsh breakup. And knowing how he treated you, you must feel awful. It takes a lot of time to get over words that hurt you. Give it more time. A month is long but for you maybe not long enough. Everyone has their time when it comes to recovering. You will get over him. Don't call though, cause that will draw you back in and likely to hurt you and your progress. You can do better and have someone treat you better.

September 25, 2006
6:03 pm
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brokenglass
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My dear VelvetHeart:

I am certainly no expert at love. But who is? I did, however, get my butt dumped ON THE PHONE AT WORK. After a four-year relationship. So maybe I know a little bit about how you feel.

There is never a need to treat a fellow human being (especially one with whom you are in a relationship) like dirt. This is what your boyfriend did to you.

Your heart isn't broken, because you're an extremely strong woman. What's a little bruised is your ego. But that's okay -- better your ego than your heart. Our codependent egos are probably a little more fragile than most, but with love and support from your friends (including us!) you will get through this tough time.

Just keep asking yourself these questions:

1. Would you like if your daughter were with someone as you described?

2. Would like if your friend was with someone as you described?

3. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you wholeheartedly?

Please know that he was a jerk long before you came along. You had absolutely nothing to do with that. A jerk is a jerk is a jerk. Steer clear of them. Sometimes they talk nice, sometimes they look nice, and there are ocasions when their jerkiness isn't so obvious. But one can't hide that jerkiness for long. A leopard always shows his spots.

His breaking up with you was the best thing. Consider it a gift. If you had to make a list of the good stuff I'll bet it'd be far shorter than the bad stuff. Did he ever make you feel good? Just because? I'm not talking about because he wanted to kiss butt, or because it was your birthday. Just because? I'll bet not. Too much trouble for him. His decisions were based on his best interests -- not yours or yours as a couple.

And I know you know this.

Don't watch romantic movies or listen to ballads right now.

Fortify yourself with spa treatments and hanging out with your best buddies. Love yourself a lot during this hard time.

He doesn't deserve to be loved by you. Love yourself. Hug yourself. Enjoy yourself. You are a good person. Believe in yourself. I believe in you!

BrokenGlass

September 25, 2006
7:11 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Thank you Shortcake, Taj and BrokenGlass for your response. I know it's for the better but it's so hard to comprehend how mean he can be. The week before he was saying this isn't working and he 'had a crazy idea that we could be friends before we get mad at each other.' I knew he found someone new, that's usually why people break up. Anyway, I said, 'why would you want to be friends?' and he sounded upset and asked, 'do you mean we'd never talk again?' and I said I can't talk to you if I'm trying to get over you. We saw each other maybe 5 times since Jan. but spoke on the phone almost every night. You're right BrokenGlass, he never did anything to make me feel good just because. You seem to know what I'm going through and what you said touched me and made me cry. I am so sorry about what happened with your long-term relationship. I feel for you. How are you doing and handling the emotions? I did see the red flags but was afraid to be alone and not get the feelings of love from a man. I was married for 18 yrs so I'm finding it hard to be totally on my own. The ex-bf was married and divorced 4 times. Now if that's not a red flag I don't know what is! I just want to stop hurting over how he treated me and stop wanting to contact him. *Sigh...

September 26, 2006
4:37 pm
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VelvetHeart
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It's been a month of NC and I'm still waking up thinking over and over what he did with the phone hang up and then what he said in his email. Wish it wasn't the last thing I think about before falling asleep and the first thing that starts my day. Guess I could come up with something to get my mind off it because the more I think about it the more I start thinking about how good it used to be between us, and that makes me want to contact him, Aaarrrrggghhhh!!!

September 26, 2006
4:48 pm
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doubleloss
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velvet. your story is so sad. I'm goint through a similar situation. Also finalizing divorce with my partner of 19 years, was dating a man for 8 months and fell head over hills with him and one day he just dumped me, like a used cup or whatever. it has been 2 months and it's just hard, hard, hard. I have good days but the last 4 have been bad. I am so glad i found this site because it has been so helpful. Incredibly helpful. So post all you need, vent all you need, and that willhelp you start healing. On my thread there are tons of amazing posts and advice, if you like to check it out (i'm really hurting, haven't slept for days).

The way he dumped you is horrible and it speaks very poorly of him. In thelong run it might be a blessing but for now I am just way to familiar with the pain and confusion that you might be going through.

(((((velvet))))) double

September 26, 2006
5:06 pm
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lovinglife
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VelvetHeart~

You are not going to want to hear this and right now with the stage you are in it's not even something you can connect with...but the pain of how the relationship ended {the coldness}, the wanting to contact, the only good memories running through your mind...it does get better in time, there is healing after a break-up...there is. But telling you this- will not do you any good right now, I know, as I've been right where you are today. It's been a very long last 3 months for me and I'm in a good spot today.

If someone could come up with the ultimate break up healing pill... what a rich person they'd be. Once the initial anxiety of hearing the words..."It's over..." sets in if we could just simply take a pill to make everything that is going to follow in the days ahead go away, it would be awesome. Unfortunately there is no way around what we must go through...yeah we can self medicate, we could try to find someone else to feel the void-to make the pain go away temp...but it's still going to be there and we just have to let it run its course. AND IT SUCKS.

As shortcake said, you have come to the right place…I don’t know how I would have managed getting through without the people, the encouragement, the understanding,and the resources passed on that I have found here. Hang in there- and as doubleloss said…post as much as you want, post whatever you want- And Welcome : )

September 26, 2006
5:16 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Hi (((((double)))))
Yes, sounds like we are dealing with very similar situations. I've honestly have never felt this much pain over a breakup and I'm not sure if it's because I've slipped that far into co-d because I really should have listened to my gut instincts and not have gotten so involved with the ex-bf, but I let myself open my heart and soul to someone who didn't deserve it, so now I'm left with my heart pounced on. I'm so sorry you're having a rough time right now, as I understand your pain and confusion also. I tried searching for your thread but couldn't find it, but will try again. Keep me posted on how you're doing, ok?
Hugs and a better tomorrow!

September 26, 2006
5:19 pm
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doubleloss
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hi velvet, i'll bump mythread, we are on the same ride.

September 26, 2006
5:35 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Thank you, Loving, nice to meet you! It helps so much to know someone else has been there (not that I would wish that on anyone) and are in a good place now. I'm happy and proud for you! I'm sure you weathered many storms along the way and now you're emerging out the other side, awesome! Yeah, wouldn't it be great to just take a healing pill and everything melts away, wishful thinking, but the positive side is we're getting stronger all the time (must keep repeating to self, haha). So far I am feeling welcomed here and I'm so grateful for having found this safe haven!

September 27, 2006
4:22 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Hi ((((double)))),
I read most of your thread and it's amazing how similar our stories are. My divorce is almost final after 18 yrs of marriage. Fell in love with the ex-bf, got dumped hard, and now living with the consequences. I feel myself getting panicky at the end of my work day and when first waking up. It's very unsettling, even feel nauseated. Keep wondering if the ex-bf even thinks about me or misses me. I know I miss him but my emotions shift around from missing him to starting to get mad, but still feeling so hurt. Whenever I cry it seems to be coming out from deep in my gut and I can't catch my breath. My work is suffering too. No motivation but there are issues at work too. Guess I need to stay positive but I get so tired of pretending that everything's hunky dorey. Just soooo tired. Would love to hide out for a few weeks by the shore somewhere. The ocean is so healing, but that's not a possibility. Been reading alot about narcisstics and see the ex-bf has some of those tendencies. I wonder if he's saying bad stuff about me to people I have worked with here in my building, like it was all my fault. I am lucky though that he lives 5 hrs from here and I don't have to worry about running into him, Thank God!
Hey Double, let me know how you're doing!

September 27, 2006
4:59 pm
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StronginHim77
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Velvet -

What a great mercy that you don't live near this guy! At least, you can go about your daily life without having to run into him, face-to-face. Some of the wonderful women here on these threads are stuck in the same geographic area as the guys who dumped/mistreated them. (Even living in the SAME BUILDING.) Imagine. Boggles my mind, just thinking about it.

My ex-fiance severed our engagement via email. With one sentence. And no explanation. I was devasted. I am a 56-year-old widow and totally unprepared to deal with such betrayal. And I was totally naive when it came to "red flags." He OOZED red flags. He had been married three times...abandoned all three of them...has no relationship with his 4 adult children...has NO friends (just acquaintances/bar buddies)...never takes responsibility for hurting others...is highly critical of others...breaks promises or develops "amnesia" about promises or past events which would make him look bad, etc.

Yup. He was loaded with flags and I ignored them all because I so desperately wanted and needed a MAN in my life. Had no idea how to be alone and the very thought scared the tar out of me.

It has now been 4 months. Amazingly, he did try to "hoover" me back via stupid emails last month, until I forwarded to him an article about his mental issues which enraged him. (These guys are ALLERGIC to Truth. Denial is their middle name.)

He is leaving me alone again and that is for the best. I no longer think of him, upon awakening in the morning. I have his email address blocked, as well as his telephone. I have learned the hard way that they ALWAYS come back, eventually, to see if we will take them back. (I call this, "sniffing the corpse, to see if there is any life left in it.) It is very important that you write down or journal all the painful and cruel things he has done to hurt and betray you. Read that list, every time you are tempted to accept contact from him or initiate any sort of contact with him.

It is very important that you protect yourself from him, while you are in recovery from his cruel "discarding" of you from his life. This man cannot be trusted, so it is critical that you never let yourself be vulnerable to him, again. He is definitely "all about himself," and cares nothing for those he hurts in the process. A true monster.

Thank goodness you found out, BEFORE turning your life inside-out and moving to be near him. It is better to know now, just what he is made of. And it sure ain't pretty.

Keep posting. Peace WILL come. Check out the "No Contact - Revelations" thread. Initiating No Contact is your strongest weapon of self-recovery and healing now. Take back the remote, as doubleloss says. Take back control of your life and your happiness. He is not worthy of you.

- Strong

September 27, 2006
8:00 pm
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VelvetHeart
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((((Strong)))) Nice to meet you! Wow, you have given me hope that we Can and Must do the No Contact in order to heal. You're awesome, and Strong! Your name is so fitting. It really blows my mind how totally insensitive and hurtful these guys can be. Your ex-fiance did you the biggest favor by leaving. Breaking up is hard enough without being treated as if we have no feelings whatsoever. How are you doing with being on your own now? Have you gotten involved with fun things you like to do and socializing? I stayed with the ex-bf because I was afraid to face my life on my own. He did give me someone to connect with somewhat, physical intimacy and someone to spend time with but even though I ignored the red flags, deep inside I knew something wasn't right. Whenever I drove to visit him I had a bad feeling inside and thinking that it's not a good idea to move down here. He didn't want to get married, but to live together and see how it goes, then maybe get married. How can I move away from family, friends, job to someone who's not sure if he wants to commit?! Even though I had these thoughts floating around my head, I didn't bring them to the forefront and admit this to him, I didn't want to lose him, selfish on my part.
I also can't imagine how Hard it must be for some of the wonderful women here that run into their ex's. I can see how that would extend recovery time. I find it scary reading about narcissism and borderlines. Being informed and watching out for signs Before we get involved will be our salvation. I hope all this pain we are all going through will somehow reward us in the future with fulfilling, happy and loving relationships.
I will journal about all the mean and hurtful things he's done to me, great advice Strong. Thank you for your caring and support. Keep in touch.
~Velvet

September 30, 2006
6:08 pm
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brokenglass
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Velvet --

Just stopping by to see how you're doing! Sounds like you're doing better!

Just remember:

1. You have a choice. If you choose HIM, you choose pain.

2. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Don't be his cake!!!!

3. We all deserve to loved, honored, and respected. His actions don't indicate that he's interested in this.

As Dionne Warwick said, WALK ON BY, SISTER! There are a million guys out there who'd love to be loved by you. And until you meet them, and even after, learn to love yourself better. You deserve it. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Get a massage. Get a pedicure!

This guy is a L-O-S-E-R. Run and don't look back!

p.s. It's easier said than done, but if we just keep repeating this (which we know is true), then we can be stronger!

p.p.s. We can do this TOGETHER! You are not alone! We're all here doing it with you!

xoxo
Broken Glass

October 1, 2006
10:53 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Hi (((BrokenGlass!))),
Thanks so much for checking back with me, it means so much! I've been having more times of feeling free of the pain and constant thinking and rethinking things to death. I actually went on a sort of date last night, dinner, movie and then went to watch a band play, they were awesome. I went with a guy I know casually from work. It went well, but not feeling any chemistry towards him. He was a perfect gentleman, even put his arm around me during the movie and watching the band. He does know I'm not looking for a relationship but he had said I should keep my heart open. I don't feel ready to get involved with anyone, it's a very different kind of feeling which is definitely healthy since I need to heal. I was thinking that maybe a year ago I would've gotten involved with this guy just to drown out the pain, but I know better now. Then I was thinking maybe this guy is healthy and that's why I don't feel the chemistry, that's a scary thought.
How are you doing BrokenGlass?
Warm wishes from Velvet~

October 2, 2006
1:44 am
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red blonde
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Hi VelvetHeart
I am fairly new to the site, but, boy, has it helped me alot in such a short time! I am learning the warning signs but, sadly, believe that I have never been in a "Healthy relationship". Would like to learn what a healthy one is...because I sure do know what the unhealthy ones are now after hearing about red flags and such. As soon as my xs/o moves his furniture and stuff out of my house, I am doing NC. I guess I am one of the women that Strong mentioned who lives TOO CLOSE for comfort or proper healing. As soon as I sell both houses I am out of here and away from him. But it will have to be NC if it can be, right now there is too much of a chance of running into him. He is only a half a block away right now. I am the thread "Need help and advice badly"
I am getting better and stronger because of this site.
(((Hugs and prayers for everyone)))

October 2, 2006
9:44 pm
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VelvetHeart
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(((Red Blonde)))
I'm fairly new here also and feel the same as you, it has helped me so much. I understand what you're saying about wanting to learn what a healthy relationship should be, as I'm also learning what unhealthy means. I'm thinking that as we become more healthy and loving within ourselves, we won't tolerate being treated with disrespect in the first place and won't let guys get away with unhealthy treatment. We won't end up years later going down an emotional spiral, it's like a catch 22. We feel bad inside about ourselves, we let guys treat us badly and feel we must deserve it somehow, which makes us feel even worse and so it continues. I know for me I've been putting my faith in God again. He wants us to trust in him and to know we are wonderful, beautiful, sensitive women who started to believe false statements about ourselves. Red Blonde, you're on your way to a happier life. Distance and NC will be your key to happiness. I've been doing NC for 5 weeks now and I have to say I had a Great day today, I actually feel happy and free from the pain. Once you get a taste of how that feels, it will give you hope to continue on the journey of self discovery. I'm sure the bad days will come but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Continue to post and read and share what you're feeling. Keep in touch and stay strong.
Velvet~

October 3, 2006
12:00 am
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After reading a bit, I'm starting to think (hope?!) I'm not quite as "so-very-alone" as I thought. But I am so very slow at getting over it. It's been a little over 2 years since he moved out, and almost 1 year since our divorce. He blamed everything on me before he left, angrily denying there was anyone or anything other than me that caused him to want out, until right at the end. Then he told me he finally had someone he could talk to, and laughingly asked how bitter I was going to be about it. We began Our Affair a few months later, during which he cheated (with me) on the girlfriend he left me for. Then there was Our Reconciliation, when he was supposedly working with me to save our marriage (but then dumped me - by telephone - for the same woman a second time). We lived (I still do) in a very small town, and I asked him to be absolutely certain he was willing to work on things before we told family and friends. Within 2 weeks of assuring me we could "come out of the closet", I started feeling him shut me out again. The telephone dumping took place not too long afterwards, on his first evening off after I mailed the joint tax return he had talked me into filing. I had dinner cooking, and was planting his favorite flower in the flowerbed by our gate, when I answered his phone call, hoping he was already on his way over and hadn't been delayed. Instead, he told me he had decided things weren't working, and hung up on me when I asked if we could talk about it. When he finally started communicating with me again via email, he continued to tell me he just wasn't sure what, if any, kind of relationship he might want in the future. I found out from others (a couple of weeks later) he went right back to the girlfriend he had left me for the first time. He toyed with my emotions greatly in the months leading up to the separation, and then especially during it. I'm not sure if I'll ever work it all out in my mind. I feel like such a fool...not only for what happened then, but also for still feeling this way about a man who basically destroyed me twice, and then waltzed away without looking back.

October 3, 2006
9:11 am
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startingover
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Hi Velvetheart,

Like everyone else has said, please keep coming here and maintain NO contact, no matter how tempting. That long letter you may be thinking of writing him, just pouring out your heart, letting him know how hurt you are, well write it, keep it, and look at it in a few months. You will be so glad you didn't send it! Strong recommended writing a journal...that's a great idea. I made lists, good vs. bad traits (of his), but you have to be really honest and detailed (mine was down to his untrimmed fingernails)...just write every thing yukky you can think of, then everything truly good, you may be surprised at what you write. Things you never thought about. Those are the "red flags" we ignore - codependents are basically very kind and somewhat vulnerable people, we simply ignore what others may not.Or we explain it away.

Being dumped is an awful feeling. I was dumped, too, by someone I considered my best friend. It was nine months ago. There were days I felt like the walking dead. Obsessive thoughts, guilt, sadness. You may have awful days when you least expect them. If so, come here.

No contact is the way for you to regain control. The only thing you can control is you, and you are not responsible for anything he does. Take care of yourself, remember to eat well, exercise, distract yourself as much as you can, throw away everything you can bear to part with (that gets easier).

I am basically OK now. I am 46 years old, I have teenaged and young adult children, and I now consider it a blessing that he is gone because I can spend more time with my kids (all at home now..they'll be gone one day, and I don't feel "divided" like I did trying to be everything to everyone). Yes, I may have problems with trust in the future, and yes, I may be alone for quite awhile, it's allright. I have other things to do, and they don't involve a manipulative man who dumps me without warning. He is a crackhead, was all along, I didn't know it. I am better off. It still hurts sometimes, I won't lie, it's hard to think how easily discarded I was, and my children too, who adored him. But I can't change him, I can only change me, and that is what I am working on.

Hope this helps. Take care.

SO

October 3, 2006
12:15 pm
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nappy
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Velvet, you will be alright. Trust me. I have had the good one's (dumpees). They say that I put a curse on them before they leave, I don't think so. I just tell them that they will reap what they sow. I cry, be sad then I pick myself up, because in just a matter of time, I will see them again.
The one love of my life was cheating on me while he was living with me and my boys. He left me and had his so call wife at the time call me to say that they was getting married. I thought that they was just playing on the phone with me especially him but then again they was acting like little children. Well he did get married but I found out by someone else. Well here it goes again after the honeymoon and I mean right after, he was knocking back on my door. He never told me he was married and I never let on that I knew. I played right along with him. He even wanted to go to bed but that wasn't going to happen. I even played with him a little but sent him on his way. Well he was coming over every night and still no action. Well he wanted to go for a ride and I did and when we got into his truck, I told him congratulation on his marriage and he almost fell out of his truck. Well the marriage only lasted for seven years until she left him and sure enough he was right back at my door. I laugh and sent him packing.
The other love of my life, left me when I was sick. I just got out the hospital. Well I cried, was sad but got over it. I told him also that he was going to reap what he sow. Well now as of this day, he is always sick and needed to go to the doctor. Well who do you think that he calls on ME.
I told him I am not a doctor. See god don't like ugly and peoples need to realize that you can't go on in this life hurting others because it will come back on you.

October 3, 2006
3:47 pm
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startingover
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Hi again

Generally speaking, I do think that most people "reap what they sow", but I must add that it is very liberating to get to the point where you don't even care about that, either.

People who trample other's feelings are just not right. Whatever their label, it is not normal, people are not basically evil or unkind. It's real hard to believe that, especially at the beginning.

In my case, there were addictions - alcohol, crack, and even heroin. I did not know about the drugs other than alcohol. Thrill-seeking behaviors are the norm for the addict, as is manipulation. He seemed to be very fond of me, we spent a lot of time together, then suddenly he was gone (of course, I found out later that he had been doing a lot of "dating" while playing poor grieving soul with me). I think he was infatuated, not "in love" or "committed" or even friendly. When the infatuation passed, so did he. But, there will never be the woman young enough, pretty enough, whatever. And that is his demon, not mine.

Regardless, it's not my problem, it's his. How sad to always be looking for the next thrill. Most of the time, I don't care now - it's been nine months. Sometimes I drive by his house (very close to mine - damn!) and yell out loud to myself FU! So, I can't say I'm over it, but the bitterness becomes smaller, and that is what you should know.

I hope today is better for you.

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