Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Need Help Dealing with My Boss
November 26, 2007
9:55 pm
Avatar
mint
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So what is the best approach to take when dealing with an abuser? My boss and her boss both display abusive behaviors in my opinion. My direct boss has implied that I’m crazy and that I should be put on anti-psychotic drugs... and she made his comment when I thought we were getting along. Her behavior is very aggressive. She will come over to my desk unannounced, and slam down a book on my desk so loud that I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. When she is highly stressed, she takes her anger out on me, and is now treating me as the office scapegoat. If I am on the phone, she will interrupt me with trivial things that can wait until I get off of my business call, but everything is urgent with her, even when it truly isn't. Every day I wonder what I’m going to have to endure when I get to work. No boss has ever treated me as poorly as the way I'm being treated by this woman. My husband doesn't make a lot of money, so we need both salaries until I can find something else. In the meantime, do you have any one liner’s I could use when my boss makes inappropriate comments? Last Wed. I made one formatting mistake on a document. She brought my mistake to my attention 7 times in a 2 day time span, and then brought it up again today....it was one simple error that was easily fixed, and I apologized twice, but it made no difference. I don't understand this mentality. She routinely makes countless mistakes, but I don't point them all out to her over and over again. I think it sets up a negative environment, and certainly doesn't motivate employees to work harder. Constructive criticism is great, and I want to learn from my mistakes, so I’m glad when she points them out when I make them… but not excessively pointing them out. I described her behavior to my Dr. and he said I am dealing with a very ineffective, demanding boss, and to take as much vacation time as I can. Although that was helpful advice, I feel like a need one line statements to get her to back off a little so I can breathe. On top of everything else, she is a micromanager, and checks up on me all the time. I have always been a good employee, I rarely miss work, and have received great performance reviews, but I think those days may be gone due to my new boss. My boss also makes comments about how she is going to get even with anyone who gives her a hard time. Today, she even threatened to get even with the Vice President for "forcing her to do something, and then changing his mind." My boss’s boss tells all of us that he knows "people", so we better be careful not to give him a hard time...or he will inform his people about it. At first, I thought he was joking, but have come to realize he is being serious. I can't go to our HR dept., because it’s common knowledge that they side with management regardless of the situation because of their concern of litigation. So... who are the crazy ones here??? For a while, they had me convinced it was me but after reading all of these postings and because I have a history of high performance reviews, I realize these aren't normal behaviors. I know I'm not perfect, and there are times I make stupid mistakes, but I try to learn from them, and I edit other employees work, and we all make mistakes. Any help you can provide will be greatly appreciated.

November 26, 2007
10:39 pm
Avatar
_anonymous
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It depends on what state you are in as far as what you can do about it. If you are in a right to work state with no state disability you dont have a lot of alternatives. In California you can go to a workmans comp attorney and file a claim agains the company. See a Medical Docotor and a Psychiatrist that can sign a disability form and sit home and collect 2/3 of your pay while you are recovering from all of the illnesses that the stress on the job causes you. You can collect state disability if the workers comp gives you a hard time. I would also begin to find another job. Like salvage a good reference and just move on. You are not in a positon to fix these people and if you do they will retaliate by firing you. HR will advise them on how to do it legally. But the problem is not you it is them. And you are not the only one who cant tolerate their horrible behavior. Of course these people are dysfunctional to say the least. They have no managemnet skills. The situation wont get any better. The less you say to these people the better. Sorry you have to go through all this BS.

November 26, 2007
11:11 pm
Avatar
MsGuided
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

There is a book called "Working with Difficult People" by Muriel Sullivan.
If you allowed your boss to act this way and continue to take this abuse you will get more. From what you wrote the abuse has increased and you are wounded by it.

You can also get some advice from a labour lawyer to figure out what your rights are under your state laws.

People like her THRIVE on others weakness's (inability to speak up or postures that seem submissive)

You need to look her in the eye and say you won't allow this kind of disrespect to continue.

If your company is large you can request a transfer or see if there are other openings.

If the cards are stacked against you and you don't see relief there, don't go out with a wimper and cry.

Point out your good points, the fact you have never had a bad review in the past, that respect is earned and inspired by Bosses who treat people with respect, not like schoolyard bullies.

You may think your job is at risk by speaking up. It already is. All the meaness will put you in such a state you will make more mistakes and the boss will fire you when they add up. Some boses actually do what yours is doing to make you screw up. It is planned!Then it's all about your screw ups.

Get the book, it has strategies galore.

Finding another place to work while your reputation remains good is also an option.

Either way it is horrible and unfair but maybe good things will happen by dealing with this.
Good luck!

November 26, 2007
11:12 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mint - I agree with Destiny; however, stress claims are very difficult to prove without an actual physical component to the issue - such as high blood pressure, ulcers, etc... something phisiological that can be actually proven by medical diagnoses/tests - I am a paralegal and worked in the CA work comp system for years - the Work Comp Reform has taken a lot of rights away from letigimately injuried workers.

If you are in CA, I do have an excellent law firm you could call - the one I worked at for 12 years.

Are you in the legal profession? You sound like you are describing half of the attorneys I've worked for during my career.

In the meantime, all you can do is TRY (hard, very hard) not to take ANY of it personal. I worked for who I now realize was a true sociopath - I had to endure his abuse, bigotry, humiliation, and many other lovely traits for 8 months until I found other employment comparable in salary and benefits, and I had no choice. Luckily I had a few co-workers who sympathized together with each other, it was a stress buster to bash the boss at lunch occasionally!

If you are just wired to be very sensitive to this type of treatment, then all you can do is know that you are actively pursuing an end to it by diligently looking for new employment and possibly seeing a doctor to make sure you aren't truly having health issues.

LNL

November 26, 2007
11:50 pm
Avatar
turnkey
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mint- sometimes the water in the stream is full of fish... You cast a line in and everytime things can't go wrong... then the water in the stream is still full...so you cast a line in and nada... the same water level... the same technique... what did I do differently from the past... I also had good reviews, my health was good so I didn't miss much at all... I loved the work... had 10 yrs. with the city...but I think the second week of my first year of employment I stood up to my supervisor in a calm,yet questioning his work ethnic practice on a certain job regarding his own sibiling not actually working for him or the city... its very important to communicate your mis-understandings or procedures of your job usually during reviews.... but I was also let go because of not being in the loop with how things are run...I agree if there is no fish anymore sometimes you just have to move downstream...

November 26, 2007
11:55 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey, MsGuided! I didn't see your post - shoot! I wish I'd known of that book last year! How awesome. You seem to have a lot of knowledge about a lot of issues, very cool to have you on this site!

Mint - also, depending on how large your company is - MsGuided is right on with transfers, reporting the behaviors to HR (although, remember, HR is NOT your friend most of the time, unfortunately)... try finding a good recruiter to help you on your job search - post a resume on Monster - I got a great recruiter out of doing that and that's actually how I did get out of the sociopathic boss situation!!!

November 27, 2007
8:26 am
Avatar
Codi202
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sounds like a "bully".
If I recall correctly what I read, I read your post last night before I passed out from exhaustion but I am intrested in this because I have experienced so much of this stuff which i just blamed on ignorance the type of business I was in )

I can't believe what can go on at jobs today. I am stunned that employers are not on top of these things for fear of a lawsuit.There is this whole denile thing when you try to deal with it in a propper manner.

Anyway, you mentioned something about thinking "it was" you because of your "high performance reviews".
According to what I have read about such types you are the target BECAUSE of that sort of thing.

Read about "invalidators" (Book "Nasty People).
Then do some reasearch about Bullies.
Especially the bullying boss. If I find the pages I have read I will post them here.
(that, of course is in ADDITION to finding out about Narcisists, Malignant narcisists and Sociopaths/psychopaths -- it's a jungle out there!)

At least you will know what you are dealing with.

And if you DO work in a Law firm, I am sure that you already know that you should keep a detailed written record.

How are does she treat other people?
Is this limited to you alone. '
Is there a discrimination issue?

November 27, 2007
8:44 am
Avatar
mint
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks so much for the advice. For a while, I actually thought things were getting better, but from what I experienced yesterday, the craziness is back. If I'm not the office scape-goat, they look for a new victim. During our seminar yesterday, my boss sat and circled mistakes in all materials that were handed out. If someone complimented her on something that our group was responsible for writing, she would point out the mistakes (I wasn't responsible for all written materials thank God, the VP and other high level staff members had written a lot of the articles in the handouts). Even materials our department wasn't responsible for writing, she sat and circled what she perceived as errors on and off throughout the 8 hr. conference. It was like she couldn't see anything positive and she was a nervous wreak. The errors were so minor that most other staff members didn’t even notice. This is another unusual thing, but there are times when my boss’s pupils are so large that you cannot see the color of her eyes and she looks and acts crazed. Can stress cause this?? As if dealing with this wasn’t enough, my job description has changed 3 times over the past year, and I've been told it has been re-written again (not just mine, but everyone in my small division), so this may be causing some of the compulsive behaviors. I love change, but I think too much of it in a short period of time isn’t good. It's tough perfecting skills, when you don’t perform tasks on a routine basis. My current boss has never managed staff before, so she is having problems learning how to get the most out of her employees. My boss’s boss has never worked in a large corporation, so he is struggling with corporate politics and learning the business; plus, he hates his boss and makes it known. So, the circumstances all added up, are just very challenging. I know there is no perfect job, boss, or employee, but there has to be a healthier environment for me.. this situation is causing me too much anxiety, and that isn't good, so I have decided to take a personal day to job search. There has to be something better downstream. Thanks again for your advice. I feel better just getting this out because at work, I've been asked not to talk to coworkers or employees outside our department.

November 27, 2007
9:25 am
Avatar
mint
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Codi202,

Thanks for your advice. I really need to get the book Nasty People and Working with Difficult People since I seem to attract both. My initial posting was about an ex-guy friend at work in another department that was sending me emails filled with belittling remarks.. so I'm dealing with that, plus, my department situation. I don't work with attorneys directly, but my department sometimes has to deal with them. Most are of the staff members in my department are M.D.s and/or PH.D.s... they are highly educated people and although most of the staff in my department are very nice, the problems I have been having are the ones that are Narcisists.. they think they are superior to every one else. I respect these people for having the intelligence and determination to accomplish so much, but man they are so difficult to work with on a daily basis because of their pseudo egos. I can almost feel sorry for them because even with all that education, I'm finding that many of them are very shallow and insecure. So, they get

November 27, 2007
9:28 am
Avatar
mint
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Codi202,

Thanks for your advice. I really need to get the book Nasty People and Working with Difficult People since I seem to attract both. My initial posting was about an ex-guy friend at work in another department that was sending me emails filled with belittling remarks.. so I'm dealing with that, plus, my department situation. I don't work with attorneys directly, but my department sometimes has to deal with them. Most are of the staff members in my department are M.D.s and/or PH.D.s... they are highly educated people and although most of the staff in my department are very nice, the problems I have been having are the ones that are Narcisists.. they think they are superior to every one else. I respect these people for having the intelligence and determination to accomplish so much, but man they are so difficult to work with on a daily basis because of their pseudo egos. I can almost feel sorry for them because even with all that education, I'm finding that many of them are very shallow and insecure.

November 27, 2007
10:07 am
Avatar
Codi202
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I guess your bosses believe Y'all are easy to replace, or they would provide you with a way to settle "greivences" and treat you with dignity, I would think.
Or is that something from the good old days?

a "Nasty people", q & a page
http://www.expendablesatwork.c.....nessix.htm - this makes the statement that they have low self-esteme as an answer to one of the questions, that is why I included this link here. But this is the link I was after when I did the search:

http://www.astro-mate.org/Difficult.htm

November 27, 2007
10:47 am
Avatar
mint
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Codi202..thanks again for your help. I will read through all of the info you provided to me. I agree with you ..I too wish they had a way of settling grievances and treated us with respect but I think the writing is on the wall, so I really need to get moving on my job search. Take care and thanks again to everyone for your advice.

November 27, 2007
3:15 pm
Avatar
turnkey
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

codi202- thanks for the link to astro-mate.org/difficult I read this piece of learning more about myself and others ...for others that read this I think they will find this as well....thank you

November 27, 2007
4:25 pm
Avatar
OopsADaisyFuentes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mint..i am sorry to hear you going through all of this drama. It's amazing to me though to see how many people have gone through or are going through similar type things at their jobs. It helps to know I am not alone.

A couple years ago at my job my boss was acting similar to yours. She was a true sociopath. She was pathologically lying to everyone and about everything. She was calling me into her office every other day about some minor thing that in the past she would have laughed off. Everyone else could do as they please but if i breathed wrong..she was "writing me up". I honestly think that her boss was on her so bad that she cracked under the pressure and took it out on me. I swear she went off any medication she needed because she was Jekyl and Hyde.I shoulda walked out right then and there but i stuck it out and ultimately the only way I made it through was one of the times she called me into the office i finally had had it and said..we need to figure out how to get along or i can't work here anymore. She actually cried in front of me and we decided to start over with a new slate. Things got alot better but i honestly think she started taking her meds again.

Now i am dealing with a whole nother work situation that is driving me insane. I am so ready to just get out of the workplace and work at home. I can't deal with all the drama on a daily basis. It seems that all the slackers at work get made excuses for and given credit for the little they do, but the ones like myself who work their butts off..constantly get told what little thing they may have missed and are taken for granted. If i question the methods which we are using which are hindering us...i am "negative all the time" ..whatever!! I work with alot of younger people who don't take any pride in their work..so they goof around all day and their slacking puts my team behind...our reward for working hard? we get to stay overtime EVERY SINGLE DAY while they stroll around all day and then walk out the door at their scheduled time..ugh! sorry..didn't mean to make this about me..it's just been a bad work day.

Basically...we all deal with crap at our jobs..just to different degrees etc. I think your boss has alot of insecurities and is taking it out on you. But you deserve better! u deserve to go to a job and not have to worry each day when you walk in when and how you are gonna get criticized for something. Is it too much to ask to go to a job we like? *sigh* just remember to take care of you and if it gets to be too much..move on. Good luck!

November 27, 2007
5:45 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sorry about your work woes. You want to do a good job and that doesnt seem to be enough. I agree that our boss seems to be low on self esteem, why else will people terrorize others if not to make them feel good and important. Your boss´s boss? Seems he caught the company spirit. Im glad youre looking around. Its not easy to find good work places but there are some and one must be waiting for someone like you. Meanwhile, try to understand that your bosses demands have to do with her asserting herself before a subaltern and perhaps someone she envies. Try to count your blessings esp. how fortunate you are that you havent got corrupted by the toxic environment. And keep a low profile. Every work place has hidden agendas and double standard behaviors. You endanger yourself by showing you dont wanna be one of them. To be real we have to remember that we were not picked up at home to come and work at our jobs. But that doesnt mean you have to squirm everytime your boss shows up or calls you. Stand as tall as you are! Hugs,

November 27, 2007
9:30 pm
Avatar
mint
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi OpsADaisyFuentes & Siniho,
Thanks for your support, hugs and advice...it really means a lot to me. Sorry to hear that you've had problem bosses, too. It really makes going to work very difficult when we work with demanding, perfectionist types of people...I personally just give up after a while because no matter how hard I try, I know my work will never meausure up to her unrealistically high standards. Even she cannot live up to her own standards because she make countless mistakes every day. I used to go to work feeling so happy every day, and other people noticed and would say..."why are you always smiling, or why are you always so happy??" I liked the work, and most of the people I worked with, had lots of friends throughout the company - plus, I tried every morning to start out the day by thinking about all the positive things I had in my life, and made it a point not to dwell on the negative. But due to my current negative work environment, I'm finding it nearly impossible to put on a happy face...it's getting harder to get out of bed in the moring, and just getting dressed is taking longer... I'm procrastinating, which is not good. So, the toxic environment has gotten to me. I'm now taking anxiety medication my doctor prescribed and it worked for a while, and now even that doesn't seem to help. So, time to more on. I will find something better, and I hope you end up in a healthier environment as well. Life is too short to toloerate all of this negativity.

November 23, 2014
12:56 am
Avatar
david eric
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
November 23, 2014
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am David Eric,I want to say thank to dr.trust for everything he did in my life. To everyone who doesn't believe in spell, I was one like you at first. I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to do this since I've tried others so-called spells casters and they did not work and was a waste of my time and money. However, when I read so many testimonials of dr.tust how he help people to get back their ex lover. dr.tust  answered all my questions and was very nice about everything, I decided to give it a try. I figured it would be my last try to get my ex girlfriend back.  i email dr.trust and tell him everything.he let me know which spells would be most appropriate for me and I chose the one that was to get her back to me and stay with me and  to marry me.As soon as he finish the spells, my girlfriend came back into my life! It was a miracle to me and I’m so thankful to him, that is why i am sharing this testimony to those who need his help. Things have been going well, and pretty much according to what dr.trust said would happen. I’m very happy for the love spell dr.trust have done for me, my ex girlfriend is now back to me and we are living so happy. if you asked me or my friends if I would have anticipated how things were right now…no one would believe it! contact is email address ([email protected] or [email protected] tell +2348156885231)  his website: http://ultimatespellcast-net.webs.com

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information