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need guidance
May 8, 2008
12:51 pm
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cowboy
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My partner expressed to me he sees signs of co dependency I admit I see them too. He works 18 hour days, with little time for a relationship. AM I being tooo greedy when asking of his time that I know he cannot give but would if he could? I knowhe's crazy about me. That I am secure with. ITs about his time. I feel like I deserve to be in a relationshipe where availability is not as issue. AM I asking too much?

May 8, 2008
1:48 pm
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fantas
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No you are not asking too much because you should honor your needs. However, you may be asking the wrong person to do it. You need to find a partner who has time and is able or willing to share it. Seems like your partner, even though he loves you and adores you, can't give you this at the moment. If this is that important for you, then you have a choice to make. All the best and keep us posted.

May 8, 2008
2:20 pm
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nevereverihope
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September 24, 2010
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Well, if you want a man around most of the time when you are home. Doesn’t sound like he is the right guy for you. Be careful what you wish for…….If you love him, support him. When he is around, just give him your lovin, I’m sure he will not object to special times spent. I really don’t think it is a bad thing he works so much. Your lucky he is a hard working man. Look, attorneys works all kinds of crazy hours, police, restaurant managers, people who own businesses. That’s the way it is. It is very expensive to live these days, and probably if you stay together and have children, it may even be less. Find things you like to do to keep you happy. Just don’t have your existence waiting on him. That’s no fun for you and probably putting pressure on him (which it sounds like he doesn’t need). I’d hold on to him. Bet he is a catch.

May 8, 2008
2:35 pm
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alicenwonderland
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Cowboy,

The best way to make a man want to spend time with you is to not make yourself so available to him. Make plans with you pals, join a gym, cooking class, sports team, etc. and go on with "your" life instead of waiting on his. Then the next time he has a little time, don't drop your plans to accomodate him. Instead offer another time that would be more appropriate for "your" schedule. Do it lovingly of course-tell him "Wow, I wish you would have let me know earlier, but I have already (insert plan here). How about we catch up after say about 10pm or so for dinner/movie/walk/etc?". You will find the balance of power shifting and him wanting to spend more time with you. Men respect partners who they can see as an equal. By making your time equally as valuable as his, you are leveling the playing field.

Good Luck!!!!

May 12, 2008
12:35 pm
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stamp
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alicenwonderland,

Would this work in my situation. All my time is centered around his. I call ehen I'm on my way to work, when i'm off from work when I reach home and ask what time for me to come over. I have no life. and now i'm all alone. But when I don't call, he tells me to stay home because I don't call. I want so much to let go and I don't know how to. I don't have a life other than work. I'm 37 nop children a beautiful apartment but it's so cold and lonely. I want so much to stand up for meself and say what you just explained. please help. I want him to know hey, I don't need you either. I love you but I refuse to let you walk over me verbally, and emotionally abuse me.

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