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Need Advice, and fast!!!
August 16, 2000
5:40 pm
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Cutie14
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Hi. Um, I have been going out with my boyfriend for like over 3 monnths and I used to be really shy, but now I can talk to him. Anyway, I have worked pretty hard to make myself talk and open up to him, and it doesn't seem like enough for him. I mean I really like him a lot. I am only 14 and I really should not be going through this stress and every thing like that. Earlier I promised myself that I wouldn't break up with him because I like him too much, and i don't want to break up with him. i really want to work on it and talk about it, but I have a feeling that it is beyond repair. It is really weird because my best friend that I talk about all of this to, is like my boyfriends "enemy" but for some odd reason instead of talking to me about stuff like how he feels about our relationship, he talks to her!!! And then she tells him stuff that I told her that I thought was confidental. Now she told me that she doesn't think that I should talk to her until my boyfriend and I get this all worked out because it is stressing her out or something. So I can't talk to my best friend about it, i can't talk to my boyfriend about it, of course, so who am i supposed to do? Please help me!!!
Thanx,
Cutie 14

August 17, 2000
12:52 pm
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Jaskid
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Cutie,
You are right! You are too young to be having all of this stress in your life. When I was 14 I wished that I was 30...now that I am 30 I wish I was 14 again....I am so much more responsibilities and stress now, but then again, I do remember the feelings when I was your age...they are so intense at times and so real. You probably feel like no one understands. I do, I've been there where you are. I started dating my husband when I was in 9th grade, I was 13 1/2 and I think the thing that I have come to grips with is that he does not define who I am, I do. You can not depend of people, places, or things to make you happy and fill that void inside of you. Everything and eveyone will fail you...except the one who knows your inner being, God. Ask him for his guidance and strength, He's there! Maybe you need a break from your boyfriend to clear your head and find yourself. As far as your friend, I'm not sure but I sounds like she might like your boyfriend and is feeling guilty about it and does not want to be involved anymore...she probably does not want to hurt your feelings. Communicate with your guy...tell him how you feel and tell him that it hurts when he talks to others about your relationship and not you. It's been 18 years since I have fallen in love and there have been many tears but alot of joy. We are still together with alot of effort, communication, understanding, honesty, trust, faith, and love. I am who I am, and he is who he is and accepting that is hard but essential.

"The less you expect, the less you judge. The less you cling to this or that experience as significant, the further you will progress. For what you are seeking is a transformation of your being far beyond that which any specific experience can give you. It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed."
Ram Dass

Hang in there,
:)Jaskid

August 17, 2000
1:22 pm
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Molly
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Some good advice above, but take it from some one who also started dating at the age of 13. Very very few turn out as lucky as jaskid. This is to young an age to be so involved, you need to give that love to your self, put that energy into you. women to often give up their dreams for men, and you are barely old enough to have tasted enough of life to know what your dreams can be. I didn't go to football games, because my boyfriend didn't. I didn't do sports, because I sat on the grass with him, I didn't go to college, because he didn't..... I was not as jaskid said my own person, I got my void filled with him, and it doesn't work, I learned the hard way. The other thing is your physical involvement, you simply cannot go there,and when you feel so much love, and are curious, its bound to happen, and whops, there goes both of your lives for the next 18 years, or choices that you simply should not have to make that have lasting consequences that may not surface for years. It is hard and there is allot of pressure for you at this age, it sucks to be blunt, but it doesn't last for ever. I too couldn't wait to be 30, I was in such a hurry to grow up, I wish some one had told me how life would be so I would have made better choices for my self that would have made my life easier at 40, our world is moving faster and faster, it is getting harder and more competitive, life is not a dress rehursal, there is not much room for mistakes today, please listen to us older women, so that the mistakes that we made will not be repeated. Be a girl, so that you will be a better woman.

August 17, 2000
4:07 pm
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Jaskid
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Cutie,
I agree with Molly, it is not good to get so involved with someone at your age. There will definitely be that pressure and temptation...should I or shouldn't I....My advice WAIT!!!!
That was one of the biggest mistakes that I made when I was your age. Ya it's a temporary thrill but that's the key word, temporary. So many emotions and worries come up when you get sexually involved. You have alot of choices and decisions ahead of you, and I hope you are strong enough to make the right ones, take the easy staight road, later on in life you will be glad you avoided the long,curvy,hilly, rocky road ,because let me tell you in your adult years you will feel like you are on a roller coaster that's never going to stop, it may slow down a little, but then picks up speed. Enjoy your high school years, before you know it they are gone.
:)Jaskid

August 17, 2000
8:28 pm
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Cutie14
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Thank you Jaskid and Molly. I talked to him about this last night and luckly he is one of those people that likes to work stuff out. So we talked about it and we are "all better now" As for my friend, well I know that she doesn't like him because she can't even stand to be around him with out getting mad. My boyfriend and I decided that we should really stop talking to my friend about our relationship because all she ever seems to do is make every thing worse and she makes stuff up. She has been trying to break us up forever. Don't worry, I am not even thinking about letting our relationship get to physical. I mean I really love him a lot, but you 2 are right, at my age I am not ready for that. Just to let you know I have been dating for about 5 years, I just have never liked anyone this much before. I am really glad that I talked to him about this because he is a really understanding person, at least towards me. Thanks again!

Cutie 14

August 18, 2000
12:54 pm
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Molly
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You must not get much attention at home, to be dating for the last 5 years, my heart cries for you. Do you go to church or temple? Maybe your girlfriend sees something, that love is blinding you too. This is not a time in your life to loveplay, with others, you will get hurt, maybe some damage that you wont see until your 30-40. Develop some interest, get into sports, be young. Love hurts, and you should not be wrapped up in this game for another 10 years, its true, casual supervised dating after 16, but you will not find many other WOMEN, that can or support what you are doing now, or what you have been doing since you were 9 if you posted correctly. You do need advice fast, and some parental supervision, if I may be so bold. How are your studies any how, any idea on what you want to be when you grow up, have you thought about your college choices, or further vocational training, what besides a boy, makes your heart pitter pat, horses, dogs, flowers, sewing, knitting, painting, reading, tennis, volleyball, fishing......

August 19, 2000
10:15 am
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Cutie14
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Molly, I am an the only child in my family, but around 5 years ago my parents faught a lot so I think that I just kinda started dating. I went to church from the time I was 4 to the time I was in 7th grade then I quit for a year and now I am going back. I have noticed already that being hurt so much so early really has damaged my ability to trust. I am an A/B student and I am in an advanced math class. So my grades are not being effected by this. I want to be an Architect when I grow up. I want to go to The Boston Architecture Center (college) or maybe The School of Architecture and Interior Design in Cincinati, Ohio. The weird part is is that my boyfriend wants to be an architect too! I didn't know that until we had been going out for like over 2 months. It was a neat surprise to learn that we both are interested in the sam career. I used to be quite all my 14 years on earth, but lately since the beginning of my 14th year, i have become more outgoing, so i guess that a lot makes my heart pitter pat besides a boy. I don't mean to sound like a jerk in this "entery" I just want you to know that while eventhough I am only 14 I admit that I wish that I had waited to start dating until later in life, but I can't change the past. Every other part in my life is pretty good, so I am not about to loose any sleep over this issue. I know that this is going to sound really stupid and stuff, but the guy that I am going out with right now really understands me. And it isn't like I am planning on getting married to him, or having sex with him. I mean i am only 14! Don't worry about me, i'll make it, i have for quite a few years.
Cutie 14

August 19, 2000
11:49 am
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Molly
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This is good news, and just like I thought getting lost in the need department, sounds like you are on the right track, but just like all of us who made mistakes we didn't intend to make, those dreams and plans can go splat. Your reply was great, you do sound clear, just be aware, that is something no one gave me and I am glad to share with my sister women. Just be certain that your validation comes from the right places, and do what serves you best. There are lots of surprises around those dangerous curves on the highway of life. Good luck to you,

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