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Need a friend in N.E.PA
December 20, 2003
8:56 am
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blondee
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Is there anyone out there from Northeast Pa? I am so lonely. I need a female friend to do things with. My husband is a couch potato and even if he wasn't we are at the breaking point. My kids are pretty much grown and i feel like i am wasting my life.

December 20, 2003
11:32 am
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gingerleigh
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Where in NE PA? I grew up just north of Scranton. I'm no longer there, actually on the west coast now, but just wanted to pop in and say hello. I know it can be really lonely there especially in winter. The days are dark and dreary in the winter, despite the beauty of the land, it can feel so cold.

I'm sorry about how things are going with your husband. Do you have a job? Do you go to church to do any volunteer work or activity groups? These might be venues to meet people to do things with.

I haven't heard anyone who regularly visits these threads say they are from PA, but they might be hanging around and just haven't said hello yet. Regardless, there are lots of people here who are around for talking and being friendly. Go on over and introduce yourself on the Juice Bar thread. *smile*

December 20, 2003
11:51 am
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mj
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Hi,
The cool thing about this site is that regardless of where we live, we have friends at any time or place.
Welcome

December 20, 2003
12:04 pm
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HARRYO
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I live in Central NJ about an hour
and a half from Northeast Pa. i
snowboard at Shawnee and Camelback
sometimes. I'm a guy, and your
married. Maybe I can help hubby
get his sorry ass off the couch.

December 20, 2003
1:12 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi Blondee,

To the best of my knowledge, none of us have ever met, or know what the other ones look like. But... we are all good friends, and supportive ones.

Pop into the "Juice Bar" or the "Coffee House" and introduce yourself.

Z.

December 21, 2003
8:25 am
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blondee
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Hi Gingerleigh..you grew up near Scranton??? I live south of there near Hazleton Ring a bell? I work full-time and went from working 55 hours a week to 40 now..they cut my overtime after a year and a half and it hurts. I'm trying to find a way to afford my house alone so i can ask my husband to leave. i like him as a friend but i am not in love with him anymore. i have a daughter in high school and i'm trying to hang on until she graduates. My other kids are grown. My husband is very anti social and is content to watch TV. I will check out the juice bar thread.
Thanks!!!

December 21, 2003
8:26 am
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blondee
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Thanks MJ for the welcome!!!

December 21, 2003
8:28 am
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blondee
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HarryO,
I live like 45 minutes from Split Rock. Hubby and i don't talk much. He's too busy watching TV. I can't even imagine him snowtubing Thanks for the input!!!

December 21, 2003
8:29 am
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mj
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Hugs Blondee...and glad your here.

December 21, 2003
8:31 am
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blondee
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Zinnie thanks for the welcome. Funny how you can get to be great friends with total strangers and the people you are close to you can't even talk to. Do you know what I mean?

December 21, 2003
8:35 am
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mj
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Blondee, when I first started posting over a year ago...I had a few long distance friendships that I had maintained through the years...but no one in the State I had moved too.

I have done a lot of work on my self.
Mainly self awareness. I realized that I was alone anymore.

I hope you find comfort and hope.

December 21, 2003
8:36 am
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mj
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Giggling...I realized that I wasn't alone....This site has helped me realize that I had to be a friend to have a friend.

December 21, 2003
8:39 am
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mj
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I still don't have any friends in my surrounding community, but I am never alone. Someone is usually available to talk when I need a listening ear.

I have learned that I need to find my own happiness and not expect others to take care of my needs.

December 21, 2003
10:56 pm
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gingerleigh
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Hey Blondee, yep, I at least am familiar with route 81 up through all those mountains in Hazelton, used to have to traverse that route quite a bit when I was going back and forth during college breaks.

December 21, 2003
11:00 pm
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mj
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Hey Ginger!!!!
Glad to hear you and Blondee have some common stomping ground....How are you both doing tonight?

December 22, 2003
7:35 am
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blondee
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MJ
I have just started seeing a therapist and i've learned that i do have some of the codependent symtoms. I'm married to the same man for 25 years. i have 4 kids. Two are twins. They are all in college except my daughter who's a senior. I am tired of being my husbands mother. My therapist is telling me that i have to learn how to be me...before anything else. I don't know who i am what i like what i don't like. I moved out and got a place of my own in August and then my daughter convinced me to move home in Nov. My situation is such..I'm 49..110lbs....look like i'm in my thirties. the hubby is 55 and looks like he's 60. He acts 60..He has no zest for life. When we were younger he told me we couldn't have any dreams until we had money in our hand so naturally it was just go to work and do the same thing everyday. I grew apart from him along time ago. Then i met a man that i work with who i really love. He's all the things my hubby is not..but he said we can't be together cuz i'm married...and if i get a divorce it will be his fault and he doesn't want that. Right now he said he just wants me to get my head together. So i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want my husband to leave but i can't afford all the bills in order to keep the house so i have to get a second job...which is fine by me. I don't want to sell the house because my kids were born here. In the same respect i'm scared that if i ask the hubby to leave i will end up alone...i don't know if i want to be alone when i get old. I really don't know which end is up. I have one great friend but she is married and can't do things with me besides breakfast and shopping and i need to get out of the house. I did something very stupid..i put an ad in the paper under "personnally yours" for a friend and i got a response from a girl...we are going to meet for coffee after the holidays. How the heck does a person figure out what they want when they've lived for other people their entire life??? It seems like i found a great place to go by visiting this site. I thank everyone for their input...

~HUGS~
Blondee

December 22, 2003
9:59 am
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Ninewest Girl
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Blondee-

I know what your going threw. It is hard to make major life changes. I had to make that decision about my life. I was not married as long, and did not have kids. I did brake off a relationship with a man that worked all the time, and thought that we could do more things once we had more money. I sat home alone a lot....even though I had friends. Now I am living on my own. My lifestyle is not how it use to be. I am broke. I still get the saddness. I know now for sure that I am a codependent.
I guess my point to you is....I am not really sure if the grass is greener on the other side. Sure I don't have the anger that I once had towards my spouse. But I look at him now, and wonder why I didn't try harder. Maybe that is part of my codependency or maybe I was blaming him, when I could have made the situation more bearable for both of us.
Think really hard before you leave....No matter what you do, do not jump into any other sort of relationship. You don't see it now, but it will end up hendering you.

Best of luck.

9

December 22, 2003
10:48 am
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mj
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Blondee, why do you think it was a mistake trying to make friends through an ad?

I think its pretty inventive.
Lots of people want friends and aren't really sure how to make them.

Maybe if you want to stay in your home you could get a room-mate if your home is big enough for this.

You need to figure out if you love your husband or if you would be happier alone. As Ninewest girl said, she doesn't know if it was the right decision now....

I know that attitude and self focus are really important in enjoying life.

December 22, 2003
11:03 am
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gingerleigh
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Hi Blondee, a similar thing happened to my mom. She was married for 28 years and I was in college for 2 weeks when I got the call from my dad asking me if I knew where she was. She had left my father to be with a man that she loved, who was also recently divorced. And it was a disaster. Long story short, they actually called it quits, and a few years later after being on her own, he showed up on her doorstep asking if she wanted to go to lunch. They got married last year, after knowing each other for about 16 years... 7 years while she was married, and then 9 years of being together and then being alone. Your friend who loves you is VERY wise in telling you to focus on yourself and your life first before moving onto a relationship with him.

As for the house? Are you sure you'd really be keeping it for the kids? From one "kid's" perspective, a lot of us really don't care, and sometimes going home to a place that isn't where both mom and dad are any more just feels sad and weird. That's what my experience was anyway. It doesn't necessarily need to be something you keep. Just something to consider.

I hope your lunch with the lady from the personal ad goes well!

HI MJ!

December 22, 2003
11:04 am
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mj
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:)Hi Mrs. Gingerleigh

December 22, 2003
5:26 pm
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blondee
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ninewestgirl
you sound just like my therapist...she said how do i know this other guy is what i want...i'm very confused. Maybe by getting to go out a little with a new friend will change my outlook on things. Thank you!!!!

December 22, 2003
5:33 pm
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blondee
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MJ,
Thanks for the compliment about my ad 🙂 it was kind of crazy but it worked. The ad runs till the middle of Jan. who knows maybe by that time there will be a few of us lonely women becoming friends...haha the lonely hearts club. And i guess i do have to do some heavy thinking about what i want. Maybe it's just the idea of it all. The "other guy" makes me feel desirable where my own husband never ever did. Maybe i'm just infatuated with him. He's the "bad boy" type on the outside but a softie on the inside. Well anyway i won't be seeing him for 2 weeks becuz we are off of work so maybe i can use that time to straighten myself out although i'm not sure where to start. Finding this site was pure luck and i am going to thank god i did. You people are great!!!!

December 25, 2003
5:18 am
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silence
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Sorry. I'm not a female friend in NE PA. I'm a male asshole from south Jersey.

December 25, 2003
2:18 pm
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blondee
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Hello Silence
Merry Christmas!!!! What makes you have such a negative image of yourself?? I feel like a female version then haha

December 25, 2003
9:15 pm
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silence
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Ummm.... years of neglect from my family and years of abuse from my peers. I don't know what else did it.

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