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narcissist question
May 10, 2007
11:28 am
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2alone
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I wondered if anyone else involved with a narcissist noticed their tendency to be friends with either those much older or much younger than themselves. I've known/dated or married 3 narcissists. Each one had very few "true friends" and the ones that would be friends with them were not the same age. Is this a good initial sign that I've met a narcissist? Since I seem to attract them like flies.

May 10, 2007
1:23 pm
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classof77
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Scientifically, I don't know. But personal observation, now that you mention, it does seem to hold true when you think about it. ????

May 10, 2007
7:32 pm
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StronginHim77
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I have married TWO narcissists and my mother is a narcissist. None of them have any real "friends" in the sense that a normal person would. They have social acquaintances (requirement: the acquaintances must praise, admire, look up to the narcissist) or people of importance/wealth/influence on whose coattails they like to ride.

But not real friends.

- Ma Strong

May 10, 2007
8:04 pm
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gracenotes
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Maybe that has something to say about the true lack of mutuality that occurs in these relationships. A narcissist could not meet with someone on equal terms, nor have any true friends, or relate to a true peer on equal terms. There would have to be some unequal power thing going on, with the narcissist requiring agreement with their points of view, your worship of them, and your submission to their brainwashing and devaluing of you. Interesting observation.

May 11, 2007
8:46 am
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2alone
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My exhusband had no friends. He hated the fact I had friends. As our marriage deteriorated he began talking to our 70 year old neighbor. They would go to dinner together. They would run errands together. It was a weird relationship. In marriage counseling he said - "she gets me" "she listens to everything I have to say." "she thinks I'm great." That was a HUGE clue that I was no longer a supply for him but she was and he lived for it.

A guy I dated after my marriage ended used to tell me about his friends - but I could never meet them. He said - "we're enough together - why do we have to spend time with others?" When he would talk about co-workers he would always tell me how great they thought his latest idea was at work. How smart and funny he was at work. All of these co-workers were younger and he liked being a mentor to them.

It seems to me that it is a clear indication of their character that they don't connect with people of their own age. I have friends of all ages - but most people I associate with are my age - that's just who I have things in common with... maybe I'm just thinking too much.

May 11, 2007
11:01 am
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gracenotes
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Red flags, red flags!

Ex-n female teacher was about 20 years older than me. Abusive from the first lesson, but still hooking me in with that so-called charisma, creating doubts in me about my abilities. I think 75% of n's, from what I read, are male, but here's one of the 25% females.

Talk about n supply. This one has

some kind of board where she touts her particular point of view as the only valid point of view. Anyone else is wrong, uneducated, dumb, you fill in the blank. Everyone who goes there either has to completely agree with everything she says. She expresses her anger easily and loves the adoration of her chosen few. Needless to say, very few people post there.

If she doesn't like you, she kicks you off the board. There were people there for years she suddenly turned against them. And, in a really mean-spirited way that really cuts to the core. Most of the people kicked off don't even know what their so-called crime is, maybe they used the wrong word, but they are really offended and angry. These are 99% guys too.

People are either good or bad, no in-between. Just an example of their immature thinking patterns, no matter how old they are.

Whoah, talk about constant narcissistic supply and one does not even need to leave their home. I would be wary of any board that is run by one individual who cannot tolerate questions and/or comments that vary from their point of view.

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