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My worst fear happened..
August 5, 2007
10:58 am
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tenderheart
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I just found out that my father has been touching my daughter in in appropriate places. She came to me to reveal what was happening and I immediately turned him in to the authorities. Where do I go for help. I am having such a difficult time dealing with this..

August 5, 2007
11:18 am
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_anonymous
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I am so sorry. That must have been an awful experience for you and your dauther to go through. Turing him in to the authorities was the exact right first step to do. You might want to call the District Attornies office to see if they have a victim advocate, might want to see if you have Victim Witness program in your area (they offer compensation for medical care, counseling, relocation expenses, time off of work, etc). Sexual assualt centers also are a good support and supply of information. If you have health insurance for you child might want to get her some counseling.

August 5, 2007
4:20 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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The best thing your daughter knows right now is that she told you and you had him arrested. You believed her. Only my dad believed me when I was touched. Everyone else in the family thought I made it up. That was the biggest step you could take.
It just popped in my head that several years ago Billy Graham answered a question about what he would do if one of his children were gay. He responded "I would love him more, because he would need me more." I don't know if that makes sense to you right now but I felt compelled to share it. Just love her all the more.

Bitsy

August 5, 2007
5:20 pm
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tenderheart
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Thanks to the both of you. I am so grateful that she trusted to tell a friend who in turn helped her to tell me. It is a hard thing to accept it especially when it's your own father who you have given all the praise to for being this great role model and I gave all my trust around my children. I know we need the counseling to get thru this. Because the denial and the greivance is intense. Day by day I get stronger because my daughter needs me to be strong. I am very thankful for this site because it helps to talk to people going thru the same or similar situations. Although it is too bad that bad things have to happen.

August 5, 2007
5:40 pm
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fantas
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September 29, 2010
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Tenderheart, I am so sorry about this. What a world we live in where children aren't safe any more. The fact that you believed your daughter will go along way in healing her and helping come to terms with this.

I have revived a thread by Northernlights called, "Please help sexually explicit" where she shares how she dealt with learning that her daughter was being sexually molested as well.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. How old is your daughter? How is the rest of the family dealing with this?

Keep posting.

August 7, 2007
2:25 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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((tenderheart))

August 7, 2007
2:41 pm
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free
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Hi tenderheart.

Your local Rape Crisis Center can help you with counseling and advice- it's their specialty. it's really important that BOTH you and your daughter get into counseling ASAP. Right now she's developing coping mechanisms and you wanna stop that before they become habit. Counseling teaches how to cope constructively and will help prevent her from developing a victim mentality.

Victim-witness is a wonderful program, but it doesn't go into effect until after a conviction, in California anyways- and a trial- if it happens at all- or a plea bargain-is likely not to occur for some time. Counseling is really important in the "right now".

If you have medical insurance, you probably have benefits. If not, most Rape Crisis centers provide counseling free of charge, donation only, or sliding scale. What I like most about Rape Crisis Centers is that advocates will never betray- purposefully or accidentally- we don't keep records of things you say- only in our minds- and we will NEVER reveal anything on a witness stand that could in any way harm you- and as advocates we know what will harm you kuz we're all survivors ourselves. Many advocates go to jail before even taking the stand, some of us lie- yes, we will lie on the stand to protect a fellow survivor. I've known many who've done it. To us, it's justified.

Reach out for counseling right now, tenderheart, while you're still in an active surviving mode. Shortly, you will likely retreat and reaching out will become more difficult as each day passes and awareness becomes overwhelming.

hugs

(((tenderheart)))

free

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