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my wife is vain, has the right to be and it worries me
July 29, 2005
10:16 pm
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in the doghouse
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My wife just turned 44 however she looks much younger. Although I am a year younger I have always looked older. Great as a teenager, crappy as a husband. She is very attractive and recently had breast implants. So she is even more attractive from a purely male point of view. I can't help but think she is trying to make herself more attractive to other men. I have never given her any reason to think I didn't think she was beautiful. I know in my heart that that she loves me but I also know some young kid is going to try and pick her up and she is going to feel so flattered she is going to make a mistake that I know she will regret but that I will never get over.This is all I think about when she goes out with her girl friends, sometimes overnight. I earn a huge amount of money and I have been told that I am not bad looking, but I don't want anyone else. Am I just kidding myself or am I being selfish when I display my dismay at her "partying with the girls" nights? Please help direct me, I am very distressed.

July 30, 2005
12:10 am
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on my way
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Hi,
I don't think you ar4e being selfish. Sounds as if you love your wife but for some reason you do thik she loves you anymore , and maybe you do not beleive you can trust her.

It isn't about physical beauty in a marriage, or a least that is not to be the focal point, but I guess if it is for her, then it may be differnt.

But ask questions, tell her your fears, after all you are married, could be she may be honest and tell you a few things about you or what she really wants from you, or for you to do for her...appreciate her, trust her, be tender, exalt her...and you as well..I guess you want to be highly esteemed, and that she has respect fo ryou.

Rather than wonder, maybe you can talk it over?

July 30, 2005
12:04 pm
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CAMER
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since you said you know she is going to make a mistake she will regret...has she ever cheated on you in the past??

Maybe being 44 and not being a young kid anymore bothers her, and thats why she got plastic surgery. Maybe if she built her self esteem up more and
knew how much you love her she can love herself more and not feel validated by how many men look at her (and probably for the wrong reasons).

I'd have a talk with her...how long have you both been married??

July 30, 2005
1:21 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi House,

Sorry to hear about your relationship troubles and insecurities. Yes sir, surely I can relate.

My problem was (and I'm wondering if you do it too) that in my insecurity, I always expected my partner find one of my many flaws then leave me flat. I would dream up scenarios about how my partner would someday betray me (and how hurt I would be) because it was easier than facing the truth: That I didn't feel worthy of his love. That I couldn't sustain his intrest.

At any rate, your statement:
"I also know some young kid is going to try and pick her up and she is going to feel so flattered she is going to make a mistake that I know she will regret but that I will never get over "I know in my heart that that she loves me but I also know some young kid is going to try and pick her up and she is going to feel so flattered she is going to make a mistake that I know she will regret but that I will never get over."

This tells me that you're living in constant fear of something that hasn't even happend. I know your fears are real, but they don't have to come to pass.

Your wife sounds like a lovely woman (literally and figuratively). Has she ever given you a reason to question her loyalty before?

Perhaps her desires to enhance her apperance are more about HER own fears than the idea of being unfaithful.

From the femail perspective, let me just say that looking down the barrel of 50 can be quite traumatic. She needs your support right now. Tell her how seductive her body is (before and after the surgery). Tell her all the things that the sight of her inspires within you. Reassure her that she's not turning into her grandmother.

Perhaps she's even making these enhancements you: her wonderful loving husband (who knows how to love her) as opposed to some young nameless, faceless kid (who just doesn't).

Oh! And let her party with the girls. They give her something you can't (no offense). They give her a place to recharge so that she can come back to you more revived and ready to be a good wife.

Best of luck to you House!

July 30, 2005
2:01 pm
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alyssa
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I understand why you would be concerned about your relationship. For me I am in the same situation only I am the wife. I haven't done anything to ever make my husband think i would cheat on him but he has started to be so insecure. I just want you to know that the pressure and stress he is putting on me,(asking tons of questions all the time, acting like he isn't sure if i am telling him the truth. etc.) is the one biggest problem driving us apart. Be careful, your jealousy and insecurity could end up being a big push in the wrong direction for her. I am in my 30's and i just still want to have a little fun. I want to feel like an individual. not always the wife and the mother, although those are the major roles in my life. sometimes I want to be recognized as a person of my own. sometimes maybe i don't even know who that is anymore. I want to feel good and look good for myself, my husband, and yes (even without cheating in any way.)I like other people, men and women of any age, to think that i am an attractive and nice person. How often is your wife out with the girls? maybe you could agree to a limit of how much she is out doing this? or discuss maybe if she goes you want her to have a good time but you'd really like her to come home instead of the overnights. (unless maybe it's a little trip away with the girls out of town.)I guess I don't have much help for you. I just wanted to share my side of it. Maybe you will end up helping me find a way to make my own marraige better. good luck. keep loving her, and try to talk it over a little at a time. don't overwhelm her with a lot of changes you want her to make. you don't want her to feel like she is the only one in the marraige doing things wrong. you might think to ask her if there's anything you could do different that would make her happy. hoping for the best for us both.

July 31, 2005
9:57 am
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dgroovy1
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No one has the right to be vain, that is a huge part of what is wrong with our world nowdays. It's all about how we look.
Wouldn't it be awesome if it were all about who we were, instead of what we look like?
Look guy, coming from a woman....if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck & acts like a duck, it's probably a duck!!
Have you guys discussed counseling?

July 31, 2005
6:29 pm
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starshine
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dgroovy1,

July 31, 2005
6:30 pm
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starshine
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OOPS, HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!!

August 3, 2005
2:00 am
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EJ
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Hi House,

Just wanted to throw in my two cents' worth . . . a lot of us women get kind of insecure about how our breasts look as we get older. They're just not the same perky pair at 40 that they were at 20! The surgery doesn't have to mean that she's on the prowl.

Jealousy sucks, though. I feel for you. It's cool that you have a hot wife, though, right?:)

Love, EJ

August 3, 2005
3:03 am
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artist 2
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House, I have the need to be seen and recognized as desirable some times. I don't think it's unnatural, but I'm curious as to why she is still doing that. Is she not satisfied with her marriage?

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