Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
My wife is codependent but won't face it.
December 24, 2001
9:57 am
Avatar
somo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know that my wife and I are codependent.I have only discovered this in the last six months. I am the cotrolling one. (Of cours I don't understand if my action of posting here is part of my need to control) Anyway my issue is that I don't feel we can make any progress in our relationship until my wife understands her problems and the need for change. She denies she has them or that there is any need for change. Subtlety is probably not one of my strenghts.

Am I wrong in the way I am approaching this? If not how do I convince her of the need for change?

Rick

December 24, 2001
1:18 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It takes two to tango, and only one to stop the dance. Focus on you, leave her to her own discoveries, you can buy books, and leave them for her to read, but do your own work, learn your own lessons,she will be like a fish out of water, and will learn to be different, by your changes. We all grow at our own time, you can't force something one some one. It is difficult when you make the discovery, and know its not right, but again, do your own work, make your own changes, leave her to make hers, and the changes will be less combative.

December 25, 2001
10:19 am
Avatar
deshong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Somo,

Always remember that you can NEVER change or "make" another person change. Also, don't fall into the manipulative controlling trap in which people try to change to again
"make" the other person change. Even if you do change she still may never change.

It will take all of your energy and focus to work on you and your personal issues which you probably had before you even married her. They did not start with her and they will not end when she changes. Take responsibility for your own actions and changes which need to take place.

You are on the right track. Keep going. Be encouraged:)

December 27, 2001
6:48 pm
Avatar
somo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for the encouragment. I guess you can see my frustrations coming out.

January 3, 2002
5:16 pm
Avatar
Ariella
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I, too, am going through the same thing, though I am not married. I have just made the realization that me and my boyfriend of 3 years have a codependent relationship. I'm not sure if I'm controlling; although if I look at it, I make most of the decisions in our relationship, because he refuses to make any. Before he told me that I don't accept his decisions so he'd rather let me decide. *shrugs.* So that's where we are now, though I still ask him what he'd like to do, he will tell me he doesn't know and let me decide. That can be tough . . . and I don't want to be the one to always make decisions.

Also, my parents have a codependent relationship, and my mother is also unwilling to face it, and my dad has long ago given up. I've seen it for 20 years, I've been through all their trials and tribulations. (I still live at home.) And I realize it's difficult and I want to end the cycle that I see starting in my own life. At least you are willing to put an end to the cycle and that is a great start . . .

Again like the other posters said, it takes two . . . I am lucky in that my boyfriend seems willing to look into this with me. But he may change his mind at any time, and I'll be in the same boat as you . . . You can only change yourself. Maybe if she sees you changing, she'll be more willing to, but only time will tell. Good luck with everything.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
45
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110990
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38562
Posts: 714273
Newest Members:
Slizzeringod1, Slizzeringod, texas321, lasserfelt, Gosia88, Hollynluna87
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information