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My wife is a cutter
November 12, 2005
5:47 pm
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ghostrider
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I discovered that my wife was a cutter while we were dating. She cut herself once then and then again last night. I thought we were out of the woods with the cutting issue but I was wrong. We got into an arguement late at night and she got to a point where she couldn't express what she was feeling and I had apparently boxed her into an emotional corner. She went into the bathroom and cut her self about ten times with a razor. They were'nt lethal cuts, just enough to cause pain. I went into the bathroom to see what she was doing and blood was covering a small section of her wrist. I didn't know what to do. I felt like she was trying to hurt me by cutting herself but she kept saying "it's not about you". I just need to talk to someone about it and I don't want to share it with anyone I know because I'll feel like I'm betraying her. On top of all this I think I am a codependent person. I'm always helping people who have problems but I'm never helping myself

November 12, 2005
6:00 pm
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sodependent
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From a cutter:

You described exactly what threw her into cutting and why - she felt that you had "boxed her into an emotional corner." That is the perfect description of what pushes a cutter to cut. At least that's it for me. I never cut deeply or with the intention of killing myself. Cutting is about an emotional release for me when I cannot express what I am feeling or thinking....when I can't cry, or communicate, or express the depth of what I am feeling in any other way, I cut.

Of course it's not healthy...but maybe that will help you understand a little better where she is coming from and that it truly didn't have anything to do with punishing you.

November 12, 2005
6:08 pm
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ghostrider
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Thanks for your insight Sodependent. My wife came from a family that didn't express any negative emotions. When she started to cry her dad would tell her to "suck it up" or "just deal with it". Her and her siblings were not allowed to express their emotions and now all those pent up negative emotions are coming out through her cutting. Do you feel that your cutting has something to do with your childhood or not being able to express yourself?

November 12, 2005
6:12 pm
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sodependent
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I hate to "blame" the way that I am on my childhood..that doesn't seem fair to my parents, who I know love me and did the best they could.... but yes, my family was VERY disfunctional and VERY emotionally cold and stunted when I was little. We've grown a lot as a family since then, but there was a lot of emotional trauma when I was young.

November 12, 2005
7:02 pm
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ghostrider
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When something emotionally intense happens to you, do you find yourself struggling to convert feelings into words or is it more that you don't know exactly what you're feeling. I feel that I can't express myself to my wife when I'm upset with her because she will cut herself. I think I just need to be patient with her and help her get through this period. Hopefully someday she will be able to express what she's feeling with words. She's going to counseling once a week so hopefully that will help.

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