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My wife found out I view Child Porn
September 27, 2001
12:05 am
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cameraman
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Recently my wife found child porn on my computer.

I have been viewing child porn for almost two years on the internet. I know it is wrong and sick and have tried to "quit" several times, I keep going back.

I know that I need professional help and even want to get help. But I am afraid of legal problems that could result from "must Report" laws.

I have never done anything sexual with my or anyone elses kids and Believe I never would.

I want help, but do not want to go to jail or lose my family. It has been four days since I was found out, and have not been able to find help yet. If I do not get help soon I fear that my wife may make me leave. We have had marital problems over the years, but this past year we have been doing great,

Any Suggestions???

September 27, 2001
12:40 am
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gingerleigh
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I'm not clear on the "must report" laws, but I wouldn't be surprised if viewing internet child porn is not on the must report list. It doesn't put any children in direct danger, and to my knowledge viewing child porn is not listed as a crime (unlike performing sexual acts with a child).

If you want to save your marriage, you owe it to yourself and to your wife to find out what's going on. A counselor is bound by privacy agreements, and you might want to discuss with him/her these agreements before you enter into a longer term arrangement.

Others on this site most likely have great suggestions for places to start looking for assistance. It's very very good that you want to get help. Please press forward with this.

September 27, 2001
11:10 am
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Ladeska
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You can make an anonymous call to a therapist and ask questions. That - you need to do and get in with someone asap. There's a root problem here and you need to find what it's about. More than likely, it has something to do with what you were introduced to as a child and/or abuse that you experienced yourself of a sexual nature.

This won't go away, so get going finding a therapist. A psychologist that is trained in sexual abuse preferably. Interview them and go with only the person you connect with.

In my opinion - fantasizing about having sex with a child - is about an adult exhibiting power over someone weaker than yourself and at your mercy - which usually symbolizes - you remembering being in the position of that kind of vulnerability yourself once upon a time. You grow up and try and turn the tables on you being helpless and compulsively go towards being the one in control and power over "a symbolic little you". Just my guess on the matter....

In counseling, if the therapist is worth their salt, you will follow a trail that takes you back somewhere....where things got twisted and re-routed in you based on whatever stimulation you were given and based on the pain and trauma that you experienced at the hands of someone over you.

It's not a matter if you should get to the bottom of this - but how soon you can get started. This will be a webwork that has many components to it and may involve alot of people, so prepare yourself to take time doing this and be patient with yourself and others. Be vigilant and courageous about this, it won't go away or get better. Quite the opposite.

September 27, 2001
12:07 pm
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Ladeska
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....it won't go away of get better IF you don't address it and stick with the process of healing....is what I meant to say. not awake yet.

September 27, 2001
1:31 pm
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Molly
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Just like AA, there is SA for people with sexual addictions. it is completely confidential. The thing is SIR, that you can't be in the candy store, for long before you want to sample the candy. You are human, and weak. It is a choice that you are making regardless of the consequences. There is no where in general society that this is accepted, so just quit it. To support your wifes concearn, you can delete all the sites and put up blocks so that you can no longer visit those sites, agree to do the work you need to do to fill the void in your life, that is allowing you to honor this diversion. You have created a great big hole in the trust of your marriage, and character, so you do have your work cut out for you.

September 28, 2001
4:26 pm
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goodie
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Being the mother of two small children and knowing people who have been abused in their lives,I found your Email particularily disturbing.
you MUST seek some form of help before your fantasies through your computer become very much a real act.
At least you have not acted apon these feelings, and if you were to seek help I'm sure you would be looked apon as someone who is doing something about their unnatural urges.
I'am not at all surprised that your wife does not condone this behaviour, I would be horrified.As adults we have a duty to protect our children and down loading images with child sex abuse means the continuation of these sick people carrying out these acts.If one person can be saved its worth it!

September 30, 2001
10:15 pm
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just_jessie
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Sorry but I have to agree with goodie, your email is VERY disturbing. I am a mother and a child sexual assualt survivor and I'm nausiated right now. I'm trying my damnedest to not judge you but you need to seek help. Like goodie said at least you haven't acted anything out but on the flip of the coin like someone else said you can't be in the candy store for long before you want to sample the candy! And what the hell are you doing looking a kiddie porn in the FIRST PLACE!! THAT IS TWISTED!! We're talking about CHILDREN!!! NOW I'm getting pissed!! What the hell are you thinking? For 2 yrs you've been getting a kick out of this?!?!?!?!? GET HELP!!

September 30, 2001
10:36 pm
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cameraman
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Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I am sorry if I angered or disturbed anybody, I was just looking for some advice. And I feel I got some good advice too.

It seems that the cure for my problem will be as traumatic as the cause. It also seems that my life will not be the same again, my wife has asked me to leave her for a couple of months so we can both work on this. I am scared that we will not get back together and I am scared that the loss of daily contact with my children will be devastating for all of us.

I don,t want to leave, but my wife has made it clear that we will have no chance if I stay. I guess I will have to learn to deal with it.

September 30, 2001
11:07 pm
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damaged
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Well if I was doing something like this I would make damn sure I didn't get caught. In some kind of way did you want to get caught. Do you feel better that your secert is out? You know thay say you are as sick as your secrets. The cat is out of the bag! So that is your first step.
When I first saw this it [email protected] pissed me off. But I thought about it and hey we all have our own problems. I know how hard this must be on you and I wish you the best. I hope you well do what ever it takes to live a normal live. However, I don't have a clue what normal is. So I hope you have a happy life. Just do what it takes.

damaged

October 1, 2001
4:25 am
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goodie
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Cameraman,

Sorry to hear that your wife wants some time alone but I can't really blame her. If you are down loading these images and have children in the house as a mother that is probably a big threat to here. I know you say you would never do this to your children but look at it from her angle,how does she know what goes inside your head? Thats the problem we never can tell. This might be a positive step as it may make you get the help that you need. I really hope you start to work though it and make some changes in your life. You seem to love your wife very much so lets hope it kick starts some action.Good luck 2 u.

October 1, 2001
7:52 am
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shades
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You obviously want help I don't know if it is because your wife left you and you want her back or if you want help for yourself. You should figure out the reason why you are now talking about it because your wife left you or because you really want help .. any way you should definately not take this lightly it is very serious and not normal. get some help for yourself not because your wife left you

October 1, 2001
8:49 am
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mellowyellow
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I have to agree with Goodie,yeah you need help for yourself but sometimes we need something/someone to make us realise that things can't go on the way they were.As long as you start to get help then hey,does it really matter how you came to the conclusion to get it? I don't think so ,and your wife leaving you will just make you realise that it isn't acceptable or healthy.Go and seek help and prehaps then your wife might be able to help you to get better.Take one step at a time.

October 2, 2001
5:59 am
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listener
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You obviosly have taken a big step in identifying you problem, and i congratulate you for that.
First you have to find out the underlying reason as to why you watch child pornography only then will you be able to establish the kind of help that you require. I agree that your wife feels threatened by the discovery so it is all entirely up to you to make the big step in seeking help do not mind what others will think of you or say stand up for yourself and your determination to seek help will push you on.
Remember to pray and ask for God`s help ,I`m sure God cant deny you your prayer aven though how terrible you feel I will put you in my Prayers and hope for divine Intervention

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