Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
My story
September 21, 2000
1:13 am
Avatar
libra
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'll try to be brief. Been married for 9 years together with him for 14 total (been with him since I was 14). First 6 years were great, we had kids, I grew, gained friends, he became out of control, volatile, angry, abusive. Began one by one shutting his and my friends out til there was almost no one left. In a last ditch effort to save the marriage, he got a new job 4 hours drive north. He was at that time in love with another woman, said he'd end his emotional affair and work on us. I stayed behind until I was certain of him wanting to give his all. He wrote passionate letters telling his undying love for me. I packed up my home and my 2 girls, moved up to be with him. Was there for 3 weeks, he says "You're happy, aren't you?" I say "Yes, aren't you?" And he says "no." He says "Is this really enough for you?" And I say yes. I find out a week later that he is in love with another woman at his work, and wants an open marriage, meaning wants us both. I said no, and left him. Couldn't go back home, cuz the city is one of the most expensive in the country. So went 8 hours south to be near my parents while I go to school for my teacher's credential. I am trying to get on with my life, it's been 4 months since separation, and been feeling positive this past month, then stbx starts playing his games. I feed into these games usually, but this time I stood my ground and had firm boundaries. A psychologist I know says he has narcissistic personality disorder. He was in love with the fact that I loved him, and wants constant attention and adoration. If anything detracts from that, the anger and volatility and abuse comes out. I told him I no longer want to speak by phone, but via e-mail. He has tried to manipulate me 3 times into talking with him, even sounding scary and threatening the third time on the answering machine. Will not e-mail me, and blocks my e-mails. It's all about power and control. I took the power away, and he can't stand it. Anyway, my main point is, after all of this, there is a part of me, the codependent part, that instigates things. I saw a movie called Bliss, and thought he should see it, and told him so, because I felt it would be something he would like, and something that he could relate to, in a way. Why do I feel the need to go back to him, if not physically, then emotionally? Why are we tied to this sick dance? I am ending it now, but it takes all of my power to be able to do so. Anyone know any tools for staying strong and not becoming enticed by the manipulations? It is his entire goal to try to punish me, and he can't stand it that I am on my own and functioning (albiet barely, at times). I am afraid of him, and would not put it past him to do anything. I need firmer boundaries, but a part of me inside actually does not want to put those boundaries in place. Does this make sense? Thanks for listening.

September 21, 2000
2:07 am
Avatar
fish27
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello libra! Been there, done that! My x-husband was very manipulative and in the end I stood my ground. It was hard at first but as time went on it got much easier. He was a lying, cheating dogg. And when a woman gets fed up that's it; she can't take it no more. I had to literally stop all communication with him completely and this was hard because we had a son. But he never really made time for his son anyway so cutting communication with him was not that difficult. We as women are so emotional and most of the time we allow our heart to guide us, but the heart is treacherous. We have to be careful otherwise we will always make the same mistakes or choose the same path over and over again. You need to cut ALL ties with him, even the e-mailing needs to stop. Do not communicate with him. Time is the best remedy for so many hurts and problems. Just stay busy, focused on you and your children, and you'll see, the time will go by quickly and you'll eventually forget about him. I mean his memory will still be there, but your longing for him will definitely fade. Everything fades away with time. Nothing ever stays the same. I hope this was encouraging to you and good luck.

September 21, 2000
1:18 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cut him off completely. This story has a familiar ring. Do what you need to do legally, block his e-mail, and leave the phone off the hook, and let your parents stand guard. I think they can't stand our success, and its a game to them to unravel us, this type of male that is. Again that button thing, we are nesters, and we get confused because we want the nest, the history of the good times makes it seem comfortable,and possible, but look what the fantasy has cost all ready. Its the typical domestic abuse cycle, honeymoon, fight, make up. Some of them love the drama, and the high of I got her to do it. Just like a child trys to find his boundry line with the parent, they push, and push, until the parent holds firm. This guy is pushing. Just say no. As you get involved with your new circle of friends and aquaintences, gain a new life, your hunger for what was will be replaced with serenity, stability, and security. It will not change, despite therapy, despite promises, despite hope. You just need a complete detox. (laugh) I believe it takes 21 days. I took a job where I got into the habit of fast food, which has lots of delicious fat in it. I knew I had to diet, or die. I had always been a healthy eater so once I committed, it was not to hard. My office was next to the microwave, and lunch room, I could smell the fat from across the hall. It was so tempting, it would make my mouth water. After a month, I found the smell disgusting. A few months later, I thought what the heck, and went to the fast food stand, and ate that routine sandwich, I was sick all day. So that man, is not much different, do you have a photo of what you looked like after all the tears, and abuse? Put it out where you can see it. Do you have the financial statements of what your "fantasy" cost? Put it where you can see it. Get busy, and you'll get over that mouth watering craving.

September 21, 2000
3:17 pm
Avatar
libra
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
September 22, 2000
12:13 am
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

what i'm surprised is that u were living with this person for 14 years? so long a time. couldnt it have been detected in the beginning? atleast some hint?
good luck ..

September 24, 2000
2:51 pm
Avatar
lover2000
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Keep your head up, I know that everything will be all right !

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714213
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer