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MY SECRET SAFE PLACE
February 11, 2011
9:28 am
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It No Longer Matters
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My personality and the way I grew up is such that you can’t take anything away from me and hurt me.  I will just convince myself that I don’t care enough to fight for it.  My mother was an alcoholic and was not in my life from the time I was 18 until she died when I was 41.  I did not let myself care.  In all those years the only time I missed having a mother was when I brought my own child home from the hospital.  I wanted a mother  (not my own personal mother) there to take care of the two of us.

I once worked on a sales team with a guy and two other women.  The other two women ganged up against me and were bitches.  I decided I was making too much money to fool with them.  I asked to be moved away from them and to only work directly with my outside rep (the guy) .  It just wasn’t worth fighting with them.

Several years ago I was hired to run the office and be the broker’s assistant for a large commercial real estate firm.  One of the agents brought in his assistant from another firm where he had worked.  She came in with a vengeance and acted like she was my superior and was in charge.  She was given some listings I felt I should have gotten.  My solution was to decide the place wasn’t big enough for the two of us and that I didn’t care enough to duke it out with her.  I quietly started looking for another job.  When I found something I turned in my notice and planned my going away party.

AAC for several years has been my Secret Safe Place.  It has been my safe harbor, the port in the storm that was and sometimes still is my life.  There has been sturm und drang going on here for a while.  My solution?  I am better.  I am at peace.  Let them have it.  It just isn’t that important to me.  I will just leave and not post any more.  I don’t need this drama.  I do not want to be part of the stress and drama.  So I haven’t posted in almost two weeks. 

Well guess what?  I have decided that AAC does mean enough to me to stay and be a part of it.  If you would like to engage in meaningful dialogue, I welcome you to chat with me.  If you have a problem and would like to discuss it…let’s.  If I have something going on in my life, and I want to share it here I will. 

AAC belongs to me too

 

All the best,

B

Bitsy

February 11, 2011
10:46 am
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curious64
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Hi Bitsy!!   It is so good to hear from you here at AAC.   I am certainly glad that you were able to consider what you wanted and then take action.   If this place is important to you then you have every right to be here.   The things you have shared in the past have helped me more than you can know.   The insights that you get and share are a benefit to those who will allow it to be.  

I to have considered walking away from the site.  Haven't posted much lately, but just as you said, this site is important to me for reasons that are my own.  I can choose to interact when I feel like interacting and sometimes I may choose to just read and observe rather than participate actively. 

I grew up in a home where it was considered wrong for me to have an opinion or to be upset about anything.  I was to be seen and not heard so to speak.   For much of my adult life I stifled my emotions because i thought that is what I was supposed to do.  i am learning to be more open, I am learning to share more of myself with others.  I have far to go, but I have at least begun the journey. 

So, thank you Bitsy for starting this thread where I can come and share with you, learn from you and just feel safe to express myself. 

Have a super day and a fabulous weekend!!!

 

((((HUGS)))) Cool

-Curious

February 11, 2011
10:59 am
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bevdee
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Bitsy,

 

I'm glad to see you here.  I thought all day yesterday about not posting any more, willing to let antics of others determine what I do.  I've had stuff from my past, people I wish were ghosts, in my face this week, and had to deal with old fears and  emotions coming back up.  I  had to focus on that, on me, which is really more important. 

 

What if it's not meaningful?  I might just pop  in and say Hey, I appreciate you for sharing?  Thanks, I needed the positive message? 

February 11, 2011
11:50 am
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StronginHim77
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Bitsy -

Reading this thread gave me such renewed hope...that somehow we can salvage what was beneficial and worthwhile to so many of us while on the "old" AAC Site.  Like you, Curious and Bevdee, I have also considered bailing out...actually left for over a week.  But the truth is that I value my interactions with so many of you...way too much to be driven away by negativity.  So, here I am...delighted to be a part of this new thread.  I hope this becomes our "Secret Safe Place."  And also a refuge to new posters who come to AAC, seeking genuine support and meaningful exchange.

If I haven't said it, "Thank you," Bitsy for making a fresh start possible for so many of us who have grown weary and worn down.'

It is a pleasure to be here with all of you, again...in a SAFE, peaceful environment.

HUGS,

Ma

February 11, 2011
12:33 pm
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Just bumping this up.  I am hoping that many who have stepped back from the threads (Fantas, Robbie and others) will see this and post.

-  Ma

February 11, 2011
7:42 pm
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Bitsy

I heard this song and thought about you.

February 12, 2011
5:27 am
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Wow, Billy.  It was so nice to come here this morning and see that you thought of me.  I like the song.  Yeah, I get a little bit stronger every day.Wink

Bitsy

February 12, 2011
9:44 am
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Hepburn
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Hi Bitsy!

Nice to "see" you!

We all need a port in the storm. So true.

I hope you'll come and visit "on the other side", Muuhhaaaaaa. j/k. (not about visiting, but the Muhaaa part. ha)

 

Hep

February 12, 2011
10:54 am
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Yahoo!!!   Happy Saturday, eveyone!   It is sunny & warm here.  Have decided to head out back and trim the banana trees for once and for all.  They are higher maintenance than palm trees.  And I like puttering around in the yard BEFORE it gets too hot.  (It's too hot by April).

Have also decided to try cooking ONE NEW RECIPE each week.  First, as therapy for my eating challenges.  Second, as practice for being a better hostess.  The old days of having a caterer on speed dial came to a close many years ago.  But I genuinely miss entertaining friends and loved ones.  So, I need to get off the pot (no pun intended) and get into the dreaded KITCHEN ZONE.

If any of you have great recipes (especially involving fish, white chicken meat or veggies), please add them to my "SUPERBOWL" thread?  I am copying them all down and giving them test runs.

Have a great day, all!

-  Ma

February 12, 2011
3:56 pm
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I got scared with the change. it scared me away,. i miss you all an need suport an you all now like never before. so much has happend in short amount of days im still in shock.i had   unexpeted surgery 3 days agp. it allseems like a blur now. i have a big fight ahead of me.very scared.i will make my own thread when i have more energy. bitsy thank you for helping me feel safe here once again. ma what was on the menue today? i enjoyed read the lighter side thread thank you. Laugh

love, robbie

February 13, 2011
8:34 am
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{{{{Robbie}}}} You are always welcome on any thread I am on.  Please let us know what is going on with you so that we can offer you the support you need.  I care about you.

As always,

Bits

Bitsy

February 13, 2011
8:56 am
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curious64
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Just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a happy and blessed Sunday!   Hope everyone is enjoying warmer temps as we are here in Indiana.  Actually going to grill outside today on the patio.   Can't wait!  HUGS to everyone!!!Laugh

February 15, 2011
7:39 am
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StronginHim77
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Having survived "V" Day, I hope we can move forward into a peaceful, productive week with BURDENS LIFTED.

-  Ma

February 15, 2011
7:39 am
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Having survived "V" Day, I hope we can move forward into a peaceful, productive week with BURDENS LIFTED.

-  Ma

February 21, 2011
6:08 pm
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innerturmoil
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Hi

Bitsy.. (:

all...

im glad ur back, ive been away also... seems like noone posts on here  anymore, except 2 make trouble/drama..

i have enough of that in my life.. lol

glad to c every1 on here...

sorry u had surgery, hope u r ok....

im just kinda reelin from recently divorcing and at almost the same time finding out my 3 yr old has 'autism'.. he is on the 'high end' of the spectrum but still not easy.. now im going for full custody of him..

got therapy for him 5 days/week..

got my parents constantly 'helping' me.. but mostly stressn me more.. have to take care of the house/yard.. dog..  along with my son and noone here 2 support me thru it... i have a couple of friends but they r  a few hrs away from me..

so...just hope every1 is doing better than i am tonite..    Cry

February 22, 2011
12:57 pm
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Dear Inner -

High-end autism?  Hard verdict for any mother to hear.  I am so sorry, BUT...with the wonderful care/therapy you are providing for your son, his chances for a reasonably happy and normal life are strong. 

I believe that enduring a divorce is a major stressor for anyone.  Be very gentle with yourself.  It takes time to heal.  Sorry your family is wearing on you, as well.  My guess is that they are doing their best, but simply aren't on the same page with you? 

Check for local support groups for parents of autistic children.  That might be a great place to search out support services, as well as making friends with others who are "walking in your shoes." 

-  Ma Strong

February 22, 2011
6:25 pm
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innerturmoil
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aww.. ty Ma...

it has been very hard.. geesh i barely have time 2 even go 2 a support group but ive been thinking about at least a 'divorce care' group or something that is just for 'me'...

for the 'high-end' autism i mean, he is highly functioning .. just very delayed in language and has some autistic tendencies, and by that he wont even try to 'go potty' in the potty or let me brush his teeth and he is VERY hard to control.. he throws things, still 'throws fits' not alot but when he does they r bad.. im still tryin 2 figure out if he has any seizures... they say alot of autistic kids do and they say a 'seizure' can b as simple as 'zoning out' which he does occasionally but course i do that also... lmao...

but yea my famly is being 'helpful' in the way they know how.. but coming over and critizing my housekeeping skills when im goin thru ALOT and im suprised im not in a 'facility' somewhere already.. not very helpful...

but my mom cleaned my kitchen , i guess that is helpful 🙂

thank u for responding 2 me.. seems noone is posting except to create more drama instead of helping anyone out nowdays...

how r u doing?

im glad u r still on here....

anyone know what is up with all this stuff about 'chinadoll'?? im confused..

but then i usually am.. lol

thanks again

Ma... u made me feel 'a little' better  (:

February 24, 2011
11:49 am
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StronginHim77
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Definitely check into Support Groups, not just for divorce, but also for parents of autistic children.  You will gain alot of practical tips & insights from others who are dealing with such a tough parenting challenge on a daily basis.  You need all the creative ideas you can get for managing his inappropriate behaviors and redirecting them.

As far as refusing to use the toilet?  There is a possible solution.  It might take a few days, but it's worth a shot.  Especially if he is accustomed to you changing his soiled diapers as quickly as possible.  Next time he goes in his diaper, don't be so quick to change it.  Be very loving and kind...explain to him that "...Mommy is busy, darling and I know it's uncomfortable for you, but I can't get to it just yet.  But you can always go in the big potty next time, right?  But just be patient for now.  I'll clean it up for you as soon as I can...just can't do it right now."  And let him wear it for awhile. 

The pee gets quite cold; the poo annoys most of them terribly.  He just might get the general idea that he has two choices: (1) endure the discomfort until Mommy eventually gets around to it (and that might take a half hour or more!!); or (2) head for the potty.  Solve his own problem.

Let me know your thoughts on this?

If your mom is cleaning your kitchen, TAKE THE HELP.  You need every bit of help you can get.  Most people have no concept of how tremendously demanding a special needs child can be.  They can just plain suck the life out of you, leaving you too exhausted for ordinary routines like housework or bathing or running simple errands.  Unless they live with your son 24/7, they simply won't "get it."  And thus they can slide into a position of judging you, instead of empathizing you.  Not their fault, totally.  Unless someone walks a day in your shoes, they will have no idea of how hard your life can be.

Regarding the chaos on the threads and the situation with Chinadoll...

There are "predators" on the Site.   People who are (literally) causing terrible, personal trouble for posters with private information they have gleaned via innocent postings or even computer hacking.  Rumors are flying wildly.  It is no longer safe to post ANY personal data about yourself: name, location, employer...NOTHING that could be used against you.  These predators are willing to break laws and to lie about individuals on the Site, just for the sheer thrill of controlling them like puppets and making their lives hell.  Someone anonymously initiatied a police/military investigation of Chinadoll.  Hence, her sporadic silence on the threads.  Those investigating the charges against her impounded her laptop.  Pretty scary stuff, eh? 

So, until the predators are pinpointed and dealt with (something to which the current, new Site Administrators appear indifferent or unwilling to tackle), no one feels safe posting on AAC.  And rightly so.  Be very, very careful what you share.  Do not post ANY personal data about yourself on your profile.  Keep yourself as anonymous as possible.  I have been one of the predators' key targets.  Anyone affiliated with me (or considered a Site "friend" of mine) is also being targeted.  So, protect yourself.

Affectionately,

-  Ma Strong

February 24, 2011
4:28 pm
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innerturmoil
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ooo iii,,

Ma now u got me scared.. i guess i wont send u a pm... lol

but thank u for the advice.. but lately, he 'wants' 2 stay in espec 'wet' diapers...  idk...

but not poo diapers.. mayb ill try   ur sugg.. tried everything else, but he will 'sit' on his potty when not wearing clothes.. ie b4 his bath...

he did this 2day...but i cant get him 2 take off clothes excpt for a bath :0

idk..

yes i know ... u must have a child with special needs, u know what im dealing with, seems like...

i am drained all the time.. i get a little help but NOT enough.. every1 is like o u can do it..but they dont understand at all..

like u said...

im gonna try 2 get around to the support groups .. not enough hours in the days..

 

i wont post any personal info.. dont have any on my profile either.. can they get info thru the pm's?

just scarry stuff.. bout chinadoll.. thats nuts.. so now the 'investigators' r lookin at the site huh?

that is crazy .. i think im not gon post on here much now either...

will they b able 2 read from like 2 years ago what we posted bak then? scary..

anyway,

thanks for the support

Hugs

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